Grieving the change

[jmhammond]

I caught a peek at my DS peacefully sleeping in my arms in the moonlight a few nights ago. It's haunting me. His face was so precious and I was flooded with all these emotions about how our relationship is about to REALLY change. Even now I'm getting all emotional just TYPING about it.

I know that giving him the love of a sibling is an amazing blessing. I'm still just really sad that he's not going to be my only baby anymore. Am I crazy? Is this hormonal?

Help Mamas who have BTDT...

[lactivist]

The transition can be difficult and you are saying goodbye to your time with only him. That being said I can add that there is nothing in the world like the love to two siblings. Nothing can melt my heart faster than one of my children loving another. My 2 1/2 yo is so excited about the baby and I can't wait to see them together. When my 15yo dd and 9yo ds play together there is nothing like it. It is a big transition but your heart grows bigger and more full every day and there is plenty of room for everyone. Be gentle with yourself, make sure to take some time with your first son and just snuggle and be together. You are a great mom and you are giving your ds the gift of a lifetime.
Wendi

[StrongBeliever]

I'm right there with you JMHammond... I too am feeling really sad that my son will no longer be "my baby", but my "big boy", who will also be a big brother. I almost feel guilty for having another baby, that I am depriving him of my undivided love. : I get all emotional and teary thinking about it too. I'll miss the time we have of "just us", but I also look forward to seeing him grow and learn as a sibling... I know he'll do great. And I know that I have enough love for him and the new baby, as wild a concept as that seems to me, as I love him SOOOO much... How can I have enough for two!?!?

Don't worry about it too much... Enjoy the time you have with just the two of you, and know that soon you and your little guy get to share the experience of loving a brand new wee one soon.

[BamBam'sMom]

I feel the same way.

[RachelS]

I completely understand!!! I felt this way as well!!! I still do even though I am now holding my new little buddle of love in my arms. However, knowing that all the that love that I feel for my ds is now doubled and I am feeling for two!!! It is truly amazing!

[beemama]

I'm feeling it, too.

Thanks to those of you who chimed in on your own experience with it, it really helps.

[forestrymom]

Dd and I were playing yesterday on the couch, and she was laughing and she had only me, and I had this wave of sadness overcome me because I am wishing this baby out (I have been having contractions for weeks), and in doing so I am wishing this time over. Her world is going to be turned upside down and it is going to be a huge adjustment for her. She has been very high needs, so I'm not sure what we have in store for us. She is so fun and energetic, and she needs so much, that I am just sort of bummed that I wasn't able to give her a little more "just me and her" time (this baby was "planned", but I seriously thought it would take longer ). I am so sad she isn't nursing anymore either, and that makes it even harder for me to swallow.

I walk into her room every time I wale to pee or to breathe through a contraction (like 200 times a night) and watch her as she sleeps...and when she wakes (like 4 or 5 times a night) I pick her up and snuggle her, but I wonder if I will have the energy to continue doing it once the new babe gets here.

I am so glad to hear that the change won't be as "awful" as it seems right now. I can't wait for them to play, and I know she will love him once she gets used to it (she does love other babies!).

[shinky]

Now I'm in tears... I do feel overly hormonal today, but I have had these feelings since I found out I was pregnant. Our pregnancy was unplanned, so I've dealt with the guilt of stealing DD's alone time with Mommy and Daddy and being the only baby in our lives, then dealt with the guilt of feeling guilty for being pregnant. :

I am an only child and I sometimes wonder if that's why it's so hard for me to rationalize that everything will be great once the new baby gets here. I've never had the experience of a sibling so am not sure what I have missed. KWIM?

Big hugs to you - it sounds like several of us are in the same boat.

[beautiful_mama]

Originally Posted by lactivist

The transition can be difficult and you are saying goodbye to your time with only him. That being said I can add that there is nothing in the world like the love to two siblings. Nothing can melt my heart faster than one of my children loving another. My 2 1/2 yo is so excited about the baby and I can't wait to see them together. When my 15yo dd and 9yo ds play together there is nothing like it. It is a big transition but your heart grows bigger and more full every day and there is plenty of room for everyone. Be gentle with yourself, make sure to take some time with your first son and just snuggle and be together. You are a great mom and you are giving your ds the gift of a lifetime.
Wendi

beautifully said!

While this is a major time ofgreat transition, you are giving your childa gift that no oher can measure...a sibling!!

I cherish the both my brothers, one older one younger and have always been thankfulto give that to my children ( in grand numbers )

I think in time you iwll find what a gift it is too

[Daisie125]

I feel the same way. Plus a whole bunch of guilt because DS is still SO much of a baby himself. His whole world is going to be turned upside down, and I have NO way to prepare him for it.

Thank goodness he's still nursing, otherwise I can't even imagine how I would deal with two under two. He'll stop doing anything at the chance to nurse

[maylea_moon]

You are not crazy. My DS is just about to turn 3 and I was worried about the adjustment. So far he's doing pretty well, I'm making sure that I make him a big part of everything. It's still not the easiest thing, getting used to sharing your heart with 2 children, but, it's easier than I had expected.

[mommajb]

It always amazes me how much the 'older' sibling grows up when the 'new baby' comes home. It is sad to lose a little one and I regret any pressure I put on them but I do see soem of the change as coming from the bigger baby herself. I have intentionally not pushed toilet training or big beds or anything on my 2 yo. That said I do see her making decisions to be one of the big kids. Regression can be normal but so can the desire to grow up. It is also normal to miss the baby that is growing up. The heart does grow with love, it does not divide love up making less for everyone involved.

[angelamclamb]

I think the nicest gift to a child is a another child. My BF was an only child and although raised well, loved etc, she says she had always wanted a brother or sister. She said she envied those that had siblings. I am the middle of three kids myself and I was closer to my brother growing up as we were 1 yr apart in age, I quickly got close to my sister whom was 3yrs older than myself when I started dating....we then had something in common. I couldn't imagine today without them. With that said, we are having our last child, planned induction of #5 on Friday. Now our first two children are 18 and 17 now, so then there is the 5yr old that starts school tomorrow and I have stayed at home with him a majority of the time so I am going to miss that little guy so much! He is excited though so I am trying to be happy about it. He is so grown up for his age though. Then there is the 2 1/2yr old son that has a trach and tube fed that is spunky, happy-go-lucky and stubborn in one. I just question how in the world will I ever handle a special needs, medically fragile child and a newborn at the same time. My 5yr old would be of great help as always, but now he is starting school. Okay, now I getting all upset.

[IntuitiveJamie]

I'm really emotional at this very moment so you'll have to forgive me..
I really want this baby out of me for selfish reasons. I want my hormones to go back to normal so that I can be nice to my first son again. I'm to tired and big to really play. All day long all I say is No and STOP and snap at him. I'm tired of not having patience with him and I'm tired of being a boring mean mommy. I know it will be an adjustment with two and it might be hard and I will be tired. But the sooner this baby is out the sooner we can all get on with our lives and I might be sane and nice again. I'm really sad right now that my first son isn't going to be my only baby anymore and I'm not even sure how I feel about this new lil guy coming. I don't really feel a whole lot towards him at the moment. With ds1 I was enamored the whole pregnancy. I hope the attraction is instantaneous like it was with ds1.