Circ, give in or not have a child together?

[tuhraycee]

This discussion with my SO is very premature, but since it's an issue we both feel very strongly about I'd like to address it early on.

He, of course, feels strongly in favor of circ-ing with no waivering in sight. I'm opposed to circ-ing and didn't circ with my first son from a previous relationship.

If SO/DH would not, did not, waiver on his feelings on circ-ing what would you do?

[a_work_in_progress]

I'd ignore him, and just not circ. I'd let all healthcare professionals that worked with us know that circumcision was out of the question. That's it. End of discussion.

[chaoticzenmom]

It depends. What else is he not going to budge on? What kind of evidence does he need to change his mind on a subject? Is he going to bully you throughout the relationship...standing firm on all of his ideas without regard to your feelings?

Probably, I'd move on, but that's just me. In order to have a child with someone, you really need a lot of respect and team decisions. One "no" cancels out any "yes" until a mutually satisfactory compromise can be met.
Lisa

[MelKnee]

What would I do?

I would not be with a man or have a child with him if he wanted to mutilate a child.

[ZanZansMommy]

Originally Posted by MelKnee

What would I do?

I would not be with a man or have a child with him if he wanted to mutilate a child.

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[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

The decision is ultimatly up to you as the mother you are the only one that can sign the concent in the hospital. After you leave that is another story tho. You would have to never leave your dc alone with him to protect him all the time.

I firmly believe that a good man will eventually come around. It may take till the child is several years old like with my dh but finally I have gotten through to him and he understands now that circ is a violation of a basic human right.

I would give him time and the informtaion and work with him to help him learn. If I saw that it wasnt going to work I might very well choose to never have a child with him and possibly leave him over it depending on how adament he remained on the subject.

I cant imagine leaving my dh over him being for circ but I would never allow him to do it to my child. On that there is no comprimise. Dh's rights, and my rights for that matter, end were my childs rights begin.

[alegna]

I can not imagine loving a man who was insistent upon doing that to an infant.

-Angela

[Getz]

I had to say over my dead body will we circumcise. DH couldn't sign consent and is too scared of me take DS to have it done behind my back.

You have 2 choices. Refuse to give consent and let him deal with it or leave him.

[fruitful womb]

I have been in this situation. Sadly, I didn't think about it until we were 7/8m pregnant with our first. It was too late for us:. After first ds was born, I began to know more about it and of course became vehemently against it. Dh was still pro-circ when we were considering an addition to the family. I said to him that I would NOT have any more children with him unless he changed his mind. As soon as he was as adamantly against it as I am, we got pregnant. He's a very effective intactavist now, btw

You can always...

Originally Posted by a_work_in_progress

I'd ignore him, and just not circ. I'd let all healthcare professionals that worked with us know that circumcision was out of the question. That's it. End of discussion.

... sounds like a good plan to me.

[phdmama06]

A year ago, I would have considered compromising on the issue with an SO who was extremely pro-circ...I didn't know much about circumcision then (obviously).

Now I've researched it and now that I've delivered and fallen in love with my baby boy, there is no way on earth I would give in to subjecting him or any other child I have to painful cosmetic surgery for the sole purpose of pleasing daddy. I couldn't bend on this issue, no way, no how.

I'm not sure as far as what would happen with SO. If I thought there was any hope of teaching him the truth, I would share the facts and realities behind my opinion with him. If he wasn't willing to bend AT ALL, I would be concerned about it. If he was insistent to cutting an innocent baby boy, I would wonder a little bit what other parenting philosophies we might clash on and if raising children together would really be the right thing for us. Moving on from him would be a possibility, but I can't say for sure not fully knowing your situation.

Good luck!

[Sijae]

I couldn't further a relationship with a man that believed that boys should be circ'd. That would be a no-brainer relationship killer. I couldn't be with a man that couldn't see the absurdity and human rights violation that circ is. I wouldn't take the chance of bringing a son into the world with a father that wanted to mutilate him if I knew this before I made the commitment.

Laura

[~Megan~]

I would not have a child.

[sarah_bella1050]

My dh was pro-circ for at first, very adamently. We argued about it a lot, but he did say that he would NEVER make me do anything that was so adament about not wanting and that he would never go behind my back. So, even though we didn't agree I still knew that I didn't have to worry about him doing it behind my back. I think that this was a sign that my dh was a good man and a good husband. You have to be able to trust you partner and how could you trust a man that would go behind your back on something as important as this? Someone who would do something purposely that he knew would cause you anguish and tears is not someone I would further a relationship with.

[eepster]

DH wanted to have DS circ'd (I realize this till we were making our pediatrician interveiw question list.) Obviously it was too late to decide not to have kids with him. I simply put my foot down and pointed out why we weren't going too. I would leave DH before letting him hurt DS.

Does SO have any reason behind being pro-circ? I would tell him to go look it up and to only come back if he found a real reason to circ. All of the reasons to circ can be very easily dismissed with logic.

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by tuhraycee

He, of course, feels strongly in favor of circ-ing with no waivering in sight. I'm opposed to circ-ing and didn't circ with my first son from a previous relationship.

If SO/DH would not, did not, waiver on his feelings on circ-ing what would you do?

It sounds as if your SO is ignorant and completely uneducated about circumcision. Honestly, if he were there is no way he would allow it to happen to his son.

A LOT of women here have educated their husbands/SO...given them reading material so that they become educated and then can make a less emotional, more rational decision. Sad but most circumcised men automatically want to circumcise because that is in their comfort zone and that is all they know. They don't realize what was taken from them. Circumcision removes the most sensitive parts of the penis, and alters the mechanics of masturbation/intercourse for the rest of a man's life. Sadly, a man who is cut as a child will never know what it is like to have a fully functioning penis, and not know what he is missing.

But, if I had a partner, who I shared the information with...who read it and STILL wanted to have our son cut. Nope, I would NOT have children with them. Likely I would also leave the relationship completely. The disregard for scientific facts/as well as my feelings about keeping my son whole and perfect would be too much. An intact penis is the default. Every human being deserves the right to an intact body.

[thismama]

I would not have a child with him. And, since I would not be content to have no further children, I would leave him. Plus that kind of rigid insistence on RIC creeps me out.

[gargirl]

I would not have a child with him. If he was determined to cut I could not have a kid with him. I was with my husband for 4 years before we decided to have a kid together and I made sure we were on the same page with all the major stuff that is important to me; breastfeeding, circ, co-sleeping etc. If he had been determined to circumsize any sons we might have.... man, that might have really been a deal breaker.

It just seems like such an arbitrary thing to insist that a baby has to have this mutilation done to them. The benefits of not circ'ing are so clear and the drawbacks... ugh.

[bluetoes]

I would try to educate him on it. Give him a lot of information. Penn & Teller + the men's health article to start with. Followed by more scientific stuff and then make his watch one of the circ videos. If that doesn't sway him I don't know what would. If he would still insist on circ'ing a child after all that then I don't know what else you could do.

I couldn't be with someone who would want to violate the fundamental human rights of an innocent child. To me it is the sign of a twisted bully. What else will he want to do - teach him to swim by throwing him in the pool, tell him to suck it up when he gets hurt instead of giving him a cuddle, kick the dogs when he has an accident on the floor, declaw the cat.... I could go on and on. It would be a dealbreaker to me because wanting to circ despite all the info against it implies a complete lack of empathy and ignorance that I know would transfer into other aspects of life.

[tuansprincess]

After using every means to my disposal to educate and change his mind if he was still insistant I would choose not to have children with him. I would probably end up leaving the realtionship as well.

[earthhugmama]

Originally Posted by ~Megan~

I would not have a child.

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