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Circ, give in or not have a child together? - Page 3

post #41 of 57
9/7/07 at 7:51pm
I would not have a child with someone who insisted on circing. I just couldn't feel close to someone who I knew would harm my child. There are some things with parenting that are absolute deal breakers for me. If dh insisted on circing, CIO, spanking, or not breastfeeding, I would never have dreamed of having children with him, nor would I want to be with him.
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post #42 of 57
9/7/07 at 9:14pm
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post #43 of 57
9/7/07 at 9:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by tuhraycee View Post

If SO/DH would not, did not, waiver on his feelings on circ-ing what would you do?
Thankfully both my exboyfriend and dp were both against infant circ. They both had taken Human Rights and such classes in college and were informed about issues such as circ.

However, if I were not with such a man, I would first try to use reason- say "let's get informed together and watch a video of it being done so that we know what it really is" Anyone who can watch a video of a helpless child being victimized that way and NOT immediately change his mind is not a person I would be willing to be with. Anyone with even an ounce of compassion will get physically ill seeing what circ really is- people think "oh it's quick and easy and pretty painless"- they are just ignorant. Seeing it done is worth a thousand words or explanations, it speaks for itself- its a crime against reason and compassion.

It's good to have these discussions when things are just hypothetical because you can keep emotions from running as high and really help the uninformed person to see circ for what it is.

Never would I give in, wouldn't even consider it. To do so would be betraying my child- I would feel as if I had sold my soul.
post #44 of 57
9/7/07 at 9:41pm
I wouldn't get so far as to marry someone that didn't share my parenting philosophies, if he decided later on that he wanted to circ, that would be the end of that. It's not my penis and not my choice to make and that's that.
post #45 of 57
9/7/07 at 9:54pm
Man, that is tough.

I don't think I could have a child with someone, living in fear that they'd take the child and have him circ'd.

Giving in is not an option, imo.
post #46 of 57
9/7/07 at 10:14pm
I wouldn't have a child with him. Period. No son of mine will have his body mutilated in that fashion, unless/until he's of legal age and wishes to do so. No man is worth hurting my child for.
post #47 of 57
9/8/07 at 12:14am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post

What about just explaining to your SO that this isn't a 'my decision' or 'your decision' - that this should be your SON'S decision.


.
I'd go even further.........it's NOBODY'S "decision."
post #48 of 57
9/8/07 at 12:31am
This issue took a few YEARS for my DH to deal with, beginning before we ever got married. A cut man simply has to deal with the fact that he was cut against his will, which brings up feelings about his genitals, their power or feared lack thereof which translates to HIS power or lack thereof as a MAN. If a man hasn't dealt with this issue, any admittance that circ is NOT a good thing will touch him very deeply, pushing buttons that he may not know exist, buttons that bring him back to a powerless and fearful place. My DH is a very intelligent and compassionate man but he will tell anyone that asks that all the anti-circ information in the world, no matter that he agrees with it or not, will not address the real matter for men who expect to circ a son. If your DH (or DP) doesn't circ his son, he will be admitting that his own circ was wrong. Go through the connections and you get to the same place: no circ = I am less of a man. You may need to give it time, lots of understanding and information, but know that you will not let this happen - he can get over his hang ups, but your son can never get back what would be lost to a circ.
post #49 of 57
9/8/07 at 1:34pm
Where I live the mother is the one who has to consent to everything in the hospital, if the mother refuses to consent they will not do it. So if I was truly in love I'd still have a child but fight like hell to make sure he wasn't circ'd.

However, I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who doesn't share my beliefs or ,at the very least, won't even try to understand them and find a compromise.
post #50 of 57
9/8/07 at 2:42pm
My husband is one of the most loving people in the world, just uneducated in this way. He thinks he would be doing a disservice to his child by NOT circing. I think it is pretty intollerant to be unable to imagine a loving parent who could feel this way, often people just need education. I do understand choosing not to have a child with someone who would circ, but to not understand that someone could be a loving parent and still think this is OK : . I'm sure I will give my husband some information and he will see that it is wrong, but I have also been a little lazy about it because I know if I do have a boy he will not be circed, because I will refuse, and I know my LOVING husband would never go behind my back. I hope the same is true for you op.
post #51 of 57
9/8/07 at 2:58pm
It'd be a deal breaker for me. We also discussed circ very early on and he agreed that since I felt so strongly against it, we wouldn't do it, ever.

In our relationship, it takes two yes's to do something, but only one no not to. We can discuss it and talk about it and go back and forth, but if one person is still firm that they believe no, then it's a no go. There aren't many of these issues where we don't fully agree, but that's our rule.
post #52 of 57
9/8/07 at 3:56pm
If he really wants to make a power play, refuse to put his name on the birth certificate so that he has no legal right to mutilate your baby. Wait until the baby is older and then add him, and then I'm rather sure he will not want to do it later.
I would absolutely not circ a baby no matter what your SO says.
post #53 of 57
9/8/07 at 4:50pm
When I was in this situation, arguing over circ, I lost the desire to get pregnant. I couldn't even consider it, it made me sick. Luckily I don't have that problem anymore since dh and I are in agreement that circ is wrong.
post #54 of 57
9/8/07 at 6:12pm
I do not know what I would have done. Honestly if I had circ'd my first boy I would have regretted it, but I do not think I would have have become such a big advocate of not circing. We would have circ'd him and I would still be married to my husband, at the time it was not that big of a deal. I let my hubby make the final decision. I told him if he chose to get our son circ'd then he would have to sit in the room with him while they did it. I knew that hubby would not of been able to handle it, so I was pretty sure he was going to side with me. I let him be for about 2 months, then he told me we were not going to circ. When DS #2 came along it was not even an issue if we would or not.... Come to find out FIL and BIL were not circ, so hubby is the only one in his family who is. I gave my MIL a big hug after I found that one out....
post #55 of 57
9/19/07 at 2:10am
Thread Starter 
I appreciate the responses (sorry it took so long for me to reply!).

I think there is a lot more to SO's strong opinion in favor of circ'ing. We've been together less than 2 months (I know, very very short amount of time to be discussing this but once it's touched upon it's hard to let it go...) and I know a few facts that might be an issue here.

From the sounds of it he was circ'ed at 14 (?!?). Not sure why but I'm sure there is some underlying feeling there that he was "dirty" and his parents forced this upon him.

Also, he's younger than I am and has had some very rough things happen to him in his life in relation to his child(ren). His stubborness on this issue is just the tip of the iceburg, I think.

I'm not going to leave a man I love more than I could ever have imagined possible over circing. BUT it makes it very obvious to me that we have a long road ahead of us on some issues, such as this one, before we add a child. (That was obvious before this, but now I have a specific topic to address, for sure!)
post #56 of 57
9/19/07 at 2:11am
Thread Starter 
Btw, I can't get the Vulnerability of Men site to load! Arg!!
post #57 of 57
9/19/07 at 2:19am
u can get to it from here : http://www.coloradonocirc.org/pamphlets.php
here's the pdf link.... also web and html links to it
http://www.coloradonocirc.org/pamphlets.php

Sounds like you know what you are up against. I feel bad to read this:
Quote:
circ'ed at 14 (?!?). Not sure why but I'm sure there is some underlying feeling there that he was "dirty" and his parents forced this upon him.
Jessica
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