Oh CRAP, AKA update on my husband's knee -- UDPATED

[Curlita]

So I posted on Sunday about our exciting Labor Day weekend ER trip when my husband's knee locked and he couldn't get it unlocked again. He has been home all week on crutches, and with an immobilizer while my mom is taking care of Dylan.

Today we went to see the Doc and Jonny is going to need arthroscopic surgery on Tuesday to repair a "torn meniscal flap." There are two options for recovery. If they are able to move the torn part back where it's supposed to be, then the recovery will be longer (he'll be in a hinged brace, which will be an improvement, but not really able to drive and in some pain). If the flap is damaged beyond repair, they will have to remove it entirely, which means that he will be at risk for arthritis and will have to modify his activity level (SO HARD for someone like him -- he loves skiing, running, surfing, etc. etc.) but the recovery will be quicker.

So my thoughts are running along a number of lines... sympathy for my husband and the hope that he will still be able to ski and hike and be active... worry over how this will impact his paternity leave and my maternity leave (only about 8 weeks of which will be paid -- I'm relying on all my saved up sick leave and vacation leave and we're still not too sure about how we'll fund the other 8 weeks)... INTENSE WORRY over caring for Dylan (who comes home from Grandma's tomorrow) while Jonny is also immobile... feeling stressed out and overwhelmed by the logistics of being the only person in our family who can drive... coordinating child care for the days when Jonny has Dr. appointments and surgery... rescheduling things like infant CPR and other activities we had committed to...

The driving is apt to be the big thing. Since I am the household coordinator, I don't think that Jonny realizes how stressful this could be. If his boss will not let him work from home to reduce the impact on his PTO, then I will need to drive him to work. On days when I also work (Wed-Fri), this means that I will need to drop Dylan off at daycare in Seattle, drive 25 miles to drop Jonny off at work in Woodinville, drive 20 miles to Issaquah to my work, then leave my work early so that I can pick Dylan up at childcare in time. This is assuming Jonny can get a ride home from his work with a coworker, and I don't have to make a second loop to Woodinville. All that drive time will come out of my work week -- and out of my maternity leave.

My sister just called me at work to ask what time I would be coming home from work tomorrow and I just lost it. I am completely overwhelmed with this juggling act.

I am glad that the surgery will be over with plenty of time before the birth, and I really like his docter. ANd I feel bad being so fretful and weepy about how this inconveniences me, when I'm not the one whose knee is getting cut open.

I'm glad that I can come here to vent.

[scheelimama]

That sounds terribly stressful. I hope he heals quicker than expected.

[Momma Aimee]

I wish i had good advice, heck i wish i lived there to help .

time to rally the troops --- what do we tell the kids "if you need help just ask"

call that sister, ask your mom ... ask freinds....

can some one pick up Dylan at day care for you -- even a day or two?

anyone else going DH's way that can drive him, again even once a week?

if anyone says "is there anything i can do" say yes... bring us a dinner, vist and spend tiem with dylan so i can clean / cook / shower and he is not all over Jonny .......

i know it is hard -- but you gotta do it

[Curlita]

The mother in law is coming to help! She's going to watch Dylan, Jonny is going to work from home part of the time, and I can take him to and from work without worrying about a time crunch at daycare, or about getting Dylan ready to get out of the house in addition. He can catch a ride with a co-worker at least one day next week.

I just really hit the wall yesterday. I have been telling my husband for 6 months that I am really stressed by the constant logistical arranging in our lives (I do scheduling, bill-paying, budgetting, and all child-care arrangements), and last night I just completely fell apart. My sister asked what time I was going to be home from work today and I honestly could not answer her. Jonny asked when his mother should come and I said that I did not, could not, was completely incapable of making another decision. I just have no reserves right now.

I think it's the mental gymnastics more than any of the physical tasks that is tapping me out. I know I'm not the only one here who has a bunch of balls to try and keep in the air.... this was just one ball too many. I just need to figure out which ones I can take out of rotation!

[sorteep]

OH dear, I am so sorry.. how stressful for you.. do you ahve any friends neighbors or family that could even do a day here or there for you? even ONE day covered helps... even some communities have help for such situations or churches who use volunteers.. I know our neighborhood even has alist of volunteers to pitch in occ?? maybe maybe?? good luck...

[Isaac'sMa]

Wow. THat sounds incredibly stressful. Is your MIL coming to stay for a little while while your dh recovers? I was kinda unclear on that...and in addition to many hugs I wanted to add that my FIL had a torn meniscus repaired two weeks ago and some "other stuff cleaned out" according to him (a MD). It was all done arthroscopically, which is what your dh will have I'm guessing, and he's back to work now with little discomfort. It sounds like since your dh is so active it'll be hard for him to sit still with an ice pack on his knee for a week or so, but hopefully since he's also in good shape the recovery will go smoothly. Hopefully he can work from home for a while which sounds like it would really take the pressure off you. (my FIL is overweight and not active at all and his recovery was not all that bad.)

((((HUGS))))

[GinaRae]

I can only imagine how I would be taking this and it seems to be the same as you. What a stressful time and such awful timing!! I'm so sorry you're in this stress right now. UGH

[Curlita]

Laura, thanks for that report on your FIL's experience! That does help... it will be arthroscopic surgery and it sounds like he will have more mobility right after the surgery than he does right now.

My MIL is coming tomorrow night so she'll be here before and for four days after the surgery. Hopefully by then I will have pulled myself together!

Thanks for the hugs and sympathy, mamas.

[Grace24]

I'm so glad your MIL is going to be a help for you.

I had arthroscopic knee surgery last November. It wasn't the same issue so this may not have any bearing on your situation... but it turned out to be less complicated than they thought. I was prepared not to drive or walk for two weeks... it took three days. So don't fret too much, til you know what they find. I'm sure it'll work out. Just put one foot in front of the other.

[kathteach]

Erica you have way too much on your plate, I am so sorry!! Is there any way you can get away mama for an hour or two to do something totally for yourself? You need it!

[Isaac'sMa]

Originally Posted by Curlita

My MIL is coming tomorrow night so she'll be here before and for four days after the surgery. Hopefully by then I will have pulled myself together!

Oh, that's good. *sigh of relief* Hopefully she is the helpful-version-MIL-5.0 If so, I would start making a to-do list NOW! Get some help with all your nesting urges and wipe out some stress in one fell swoop.

Are you still stressed about the post-surgery logistics or has this taken a little weight off your shoulders? I hope you feel a little better.

I hope the surgery itself goes well; it should be pretty short ( I guess depending on what they see in there). FIL had a nerve block for the surgery and he said that made all the difference. It might be worth asking if your dh could get one since that helps a TON with pain control initially. And we all know men are such wimps when it comes to pain! Last week dh had an infected cuticle on his finger and you would have thought the world was coming to an end. All I could say was, "Well, it's a good thing *you're* not having this baby!" (ok I was a little more empathetic than that... but really!)

[Curlita]

My MIL is a tornado of energy, which can present it's own problems, but right now I would welcome the tornado! She should be here later this afternoon, WITH DINNER! And she asked my husband if I would be offended if she cleaned the bathroom or did laundry. HELL NO! Having her here will eliminate the need to take Dylan to and from daycare. She is driving her own car, too, so will be able to schlep Jonny around as needed. I'm not sure yet how many days he'll be going to the office, though he does have the option of working from home. But one way or another, his mom will help with chauffeuring.

And I am DEFINITELY planning on going to my prenatal yoga class tomorrow night, and hopefully for a swim later this week. I was really bummed that I haven't had any time to take care of me in the last week, since I've been so busy taking care of everyone else.

So things are definitely looking up. I never thought I would be counting the hours until my mother-in-law shows up!

[Apryl Srissa]

*hugs* Hope that it goes smoothly for you guys!

My dh had a back surgery a year ago, we had all the same concerns, so hard to be in charge of everything during such a time. But a lot more of it just works out than you expect. Hang in there, let mom in law do all she can, and remember to come vent here when you need to. It'll all be over soon!

[Isaac'sMa]

Originally Posted by Curlita

So things are definitely looking up. I never thought I would be counting the hours until my mother-in-law shows up!

NO KIDDING!! But that's great that she is going to helpful and get things done. It will make the stay worth it! (Well, that and preserving your sanity ) I wish I had a prenatal yoga class to go to!

[Googy]

Oh Erika, I am so sorry! How upsetting! I know that this will be difficult for you--hang in there!

If its any consolation, my dad is in orthopedics, and the reason he loves his job is that it is so rewarding to see how fabulous patients feel after surgery. He sees people who could barely get around all of a sudden being able to play tennis and run around with their kids and grandkids.

Knees are tricky though--recovery takes a while. I hope everything goes well--please keep us posted!

[Curlita]

Post Surgery Update

Well, the good news is that my husband had his knee surgery today and they WERE able to repair the torn meniscus.

The bad news is that the tear was more extensive than they realized, so surgery took longer than expected and recovery will take longer than expected. We thought he would be able to bear weight on the knee after surgery and drive within 3-5 days. Now, the doc does not want him bearing any weight and wants him on crutches and not driving for FOUR WEEKS.

Jonny's mom is here until Saturday, but after that I'm on my own. I'm trying to convince Jonny to find a carpool to get to work and back, which leaves me to deal with getting Dylan to and from child care... there are a few nights I need to work late that I don't know what to do about, and a few nights that someone needs to be here to relieve the childcare person at 4:30. And I'll need to get Jonny to and from physical therapy appointments, whenever those start.

Tomorrow I'm going to check with the daycare about what I need to do in order to authorize other people to pick Dylan up from daycare. Convincing Jonny to ask for help is another task -- in his mind, it is easier for him to have me drive him round trip to work and back (a total of 80 miles) than to ASK for help.

I'm trying to find time to take care of myself, but I can see it being really hard. I just don't have a very good sense yet of whether Jonny is going to have enough mobility next week to be able to watch Dylan on his own.

I'm trying to take it one day at a time. Thank god he will be off crutches at least 4 weeks before the birth, and THANK GOD I don't have to worry about going on bedrest or hemorrhaging because of a placenta previa.

Aside from my sanity and stress level, the biggest potential casualty of this is our paternity and maternity leave time.

[melissakc]

Wow, I'm so sorry you are under so much stress, Erica. I'm glad your MIL is there to help you out this week. I hope there are others near you who can pitch in after she leaves. It's so hard to ask for help and accept it.

I'm glad your hubby will be able to be active after he heals!

Someday this will all be but a distant memory! Until then, big hugs to you!

[Apryl Srissa]

[YankeeMomInVA]

wow...you sure do have a lot on your plate.... I hope everything falls as neatly into place soon so as to impact your mat. and pat. leave as little as possible....

Work MIL to the bone while she's there!

We're all thinking of you guys!