Sibling(s) at the birth?

[rachelmarie]

Is anyone going to have your other child(ren) present at the birth?

Ds is 2.5 yrs old. Our plan, currently, is to call my parents' when my labor starts and they will make the 2 hour drive, get a hotel room (about 5 min) from us, pick up ds, then bring him home after the birth.

I'm due at the end of October and the closer I get to the birth, the more I'm not sure I like this plan. I don't want ds to leave then come home and there's this baby that's here to stay, you know? I also don't want either of my parents in our house when I'm in labor/giving birth. They are both very medically-minded and while supportive of our decision to homebirth they are both slightly nervous people who worry, so them being in our house to take care of ds is not really an option. We also can't think of anyone else that we'd be comfortable having take care of him and be around while I'm in labor. Not to mention I'm not sure how he'd react to me being in pain, pushing, etc.

I'm just wondering what you all are planning or have done in the past, or if you have any advice for me.

[SleepyMamaBear]

Addy was here. my mom and sister both came when i went into labor. both for me and incase Addy woke. (water broke 12:50 am ctx right after)
when she woke up (she says "i woke up cause mommy was screaming!") mom and sis went in and played with her and talked to her about what was happening. when Niamh was crowning i yelled for Addy to be brought out and she got to watch Niamh be born into DHs hands.
she also cut the cord with DHs help.
she was 3yoand2weeks.

[library lady]

I have 3 children. With my second child, I was very much in the same predicament as you. I didn't want anybody but the midwives and my husband at my home because my mom tends to get on my nerves and make me lose focus. The only ones that were there were the midwives, my husband, and daughter. I thoroughly prepared my daughter about what to expect. We looked at books together. My midwife had a video that we watched with her. I let my husband focus on my daughter when/if my daughter needed support and let the midwives take care of me. Everything worked out fine. My daughter was running around the living room singing my baby sister is coming out, my baby sister is coming out. I gave birth in my big overstuffed chair in our living room.

When I gave birth to my 4 month old, both girls were there and watched. I was a little more secure in myself this time so I went ahead and let just my mother come to be there for the girls. My husband was great and reigned my mother in a time or two for me. The only reason I did it is because that is what my girls said they wanted. I don't know how easily rattled your child is but a little preparation goes a long way. You can practice making noises with your child and do all sorts of things to prepare them to be there when you are giving birth.

[**guest**]

DD was 2.5 when DS was born, and we fully planned on her being with us for the birth. we watched videos, read books (Welcome with Love is absolutely great) and practices noises and positions.

as it happened, my BIL came over when i was in hard labour, to drop something off, and she was excited to see her uncle, and they stayed in the living room eating snacks when i gave birth in the bedroom. we wanted to call her to see the actual birth, but DH needed to support my leg which was in a cast, and i thought that yelling out for her would mean my BIL coming in as well, as he is often absolutely clueless. and in any case, it happened very fast. she was in the room immediately after, and she was very excited.

this time around we are planning for both DD (she will be 5.5) and DS (3) to be with us for the birth.

i don't feel comfortable sending them away and coming home to a new baby. i think birth is a family event, even if i might feel i want to be alone--they'd still be in the house.

[Pseudopods]

I was at the birth of my brother when I was 3 years, 9 months. My mom had a homebirth with midwives, and I was present for the whole thing. My mom says that she really prepared me for it (talking about it, books, etc), but I don't remember any of that. I do, however, vividly remember the birth. It was awesome. I wasn't afraid, though I did notice that it seemed like alot of work. It really shaped my views of birth and I have always been thankful that my mom had me there. So I will definitely always have my kids at my births.

[Martha_2sons]

My DS1 was just over 3 when DS2 was born. DS1 was with me the whole time (it was a homebirth) and he was absolutely amazing. He understood that I could not interact with him during contractions but offered me water and patted me gently between contractions. When his brother was born he brought in his favorite toys and books to share with him. It was very sweet and I treasure his presence there. I did have two friends there, who were there to be with DS1 wherever he wanted to be and they were present at the birth since he wanted to be with me. I hope you find a solution that works for you too!

[andreac]

I was planning to have it be just me, dh, ds and the midwives at my birth. DS was 2.5 at the time. Well, my mom came down for a quick overnight visit for my birthday, so DH and I could have one last dinner out before the baby came and wouldn't you know it, I went into labor that night! My mom hung out downstairs with ds (who was a little sick and cranky) for most of my pretty quick labor (about 3 hours total). My midwives didn't wind up making it for the birth and as I was giving birth (on the bathroom floor , when they say "sometimes it feels like you have to poop as the baby is moving down the birth canal", they really mean it! ) Dh went to bring DS upstairs, because my mom (who is a nurse) ran up to help me. DS and Dh went walking by the open bathroom door just as DDs head was crowning... he said "Oh, look a baby!" and kept right on walking!!! It was pretty funny and he totally wasn't phased at all!

[watermama05]

DD will be just a month shy of three when #2 is born. I'd like to have her present (assuming she's awake and wants to be), but I am a little worried about not being able to be as internal as I need to be if she's there. My plan right now is to ask my mom to be her "special person" who will come over when labor begins and just be there for her. If she gets freaked, or needs special attention, or if I need her to go somewhere else, my mom can take her out of the room (with my first birth I was very internal and labored almost the whole time by myself- really didn't want anyone else there or doing anything, that's why I'm thinking about that with DD). My sister, DH and my midwives will be there as well, so there should be plenty of support if it's needed for whoever needs it!

We're reading and talking about birth a lot, and she's very excited- she wants to be there and hold the baby right afterwards . Penny Simkin teaches a sibling class about birth that I plan to take with DD closer to the due time, she was my childbirth ed teacher the first time around so I'm excited to take this class with DD!

[rachelmarie]

Last night I was looking at one of my birth books with pictures and ds was looking at it, too. He gets a kick out the "nursies!" Anyway, I told him that the baby in my tummy is going to be born like these babies were. I told him I would make funny noises and that it would hurt me, but I would be okay. I asked if he wanted to be there when the baby is born. He said yes. We have a DVD of births our midwife let us borrow and we are going to watch it together this weekend.

I really like the idea of getting him familiar with the noises and stuff I will/might make.

I was thinking that maybe I could have my parents come down and be at the hotel they are planning on staying at so that they would be nearby in case ds gets bored or needs to leave or something.

[dubfam]

There are lots of videos on YouTube of home births. DS and I have been watching those.
I plan to have him present at the birth. He will be 4.5 so I am hoping that it will be okay...

[echodonn]

Ana as 3 and she baked some banana bread, yummy! When I was laboring with Caitlin. She was around got in the aqua doula with her ponies and around the house when Caitlin came out. SHe saw the baby and immediately got naked! We had lots of fun counting toes and nursing the baby and snuggling. Than after about 3 hours she went to my moms house for a sleepover and MIke and I snuggled in with our beautiful baby. That's what were planning on this time as well.

[pixiepunk]

DD was 26 months when DS was born, and she was at the house, though not in the room when the baby was actually born. My mom was with her keeping her occupied, they came in occasionally to visit and give kisses and hugs - and i tell you, those infusions of her bright, beautiful energy were incredible gifts to me during labor. when they heard the baby cry, my mom brought her in and we were all able to cuddle together in the bed and she got to meet her brother. it was awesome.

i'm really looking forward to having both my kids here when #3 is born.

i say go for it. your parents can always get the hotel room as a back-up, and if your DS is getting upset they can always take him there, or just outside to play for a bit. heck, he might even sleep through the whole thing, ya never know.

[Thandiwe]

Originally I was planning on my son (he's currently 25 mos, will probably be giving birth in the next month) leaving and staying at grandma's when labor gets underway. But as we were writing our birth plan, I realized that I really want him there. My mom is kind of a "take-control" kind of person (as am I) and insisted earlier in the pregnancy that he be taken out of the house during labor, so I'm worried about a power struggle there. For me, we wrote in our birth plan that he is to be under the care of my mom and kept at home with me until my verbals/nonverbals indicate I can't handle him being around anymore (he is one of the most active, "spirited" toddlers I've ever met before). Then I want him to go for a walk, a drive, or a short visit to grandma's house (about 5 mins from our house). Once I start pushing, I want him brought home so he's there when I push the baby out.

Like other PP, I don't want him to come home to a baby that's just there. All pregnancy we've been telling him that his brother William is in mommy's big belly, and he kisses his brother often. I want him to try to make the connection that belly=baby.

Follow your heart, but be open for change. For us, I feel best leaving both options open so he can take a break if he's getting too hyper.

[DoomaYula]

I've been prepping my kids (4.5yo twin boys and a 2.5yo girl) but I have a babysitter who we know and trust and they really like who is coming, no matter what time of day or night it is, so they will have someone focused on just them. I've given them the option of being there, or if it's during the day they can go to someone's house, if they want (and if it's convenient). I have a feeling they'll want to be there, and also I have a feeling it will be late night and they might all sleep through it. All 3 of them were born at the 1am hour, and that was great, I hope this one follows suit.

[Gray's Mommy]

My son wanted to be there, but I didn't want anyone leaving me to wake him up...so he came in right after the birth. I regret not having him there though.