Principal asked me not to BF at school! - Page 2

[Meiri]

Seems to me that if the principal is going to keep you running there, covering her backside to make up for her and her staff's poor planning, then she'd best be prepared to support you in that one small need.

Otherwise, she's going to have find some other sucker, I mean volunteer, to do what you've been doing FOR HER.

Also, the principal is a woman who breastfed her own children.

So? So was the fool of an ER doc who tried to intimidate me into not nursing DD during a 10 day course of an antibiotic--which the prescribing doc had chosen due to it being known to be safe. I've read that statement "I breastfed my own..." just before some of the most ignorant and nasty "cover up, be discreet, stay at home," crap over the years that I know it's frequently irrelevent to what will follow.

[hubermel]

Thanks for all the ideas and especially the personal messages of support. It's helped me to get through this rough week.

I've been the only parent in the classroom up until today. Today we had 3 parents there at the invitation of the teacher.

I think dd and I are more help than harm. Several kids are still crying and dd comforted them at recess. I've been taking the wiggly kids out of the room for the teacher and providing additional moral support to the little ones having trouble. I think they have been comforted by our presence.

So I would have to say that my dd and I were the least of any distractions The kids aren't paying any attention to us when they are working or in circle time.

And I definitely would take her to the hall or office if she got bored, but also to run errands for the teachers.

It is also part of the systematic transition for my son so he sees that I go but come back after a while. And I'm gone for longer periods each day and then I leave earlier.

And you are right, carriebft, the child care option is not a viable one for our family. As an AP mom both my kids are naturally very attached to me and it would be traumatic for dd to be away from me at this point.

Other than me, the only person my children are comfortable with is my husband.

We have no family or close friends in the area so the kids have no other "comfort people" besides the two of us. I wish it were different but I haven't found a way to solve that problem!!!

I actually stayed in the classroom today and nursed dd in the sling and the principal didn't mention anything....she would have no way of knowing she was nursing.

The problem was that it was like a thousand degrees in the room. So it was uncomfortable for dd, especially since she isn't really a fan of the sling anyway.

So, I'll pursue lots of these ideas and take it one day at a time.

Thanks everyone!!!!!!!!

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

I don't understand

why we, as nursing mothers, don't simply 'say no' in situations like this.

'No, principal, I didn't agree to 'respect' your wishes, and please don't maipulate me with such phrasing. I will nurse my child independent of your hangups. Thank you!'

why don't we do this? as a culture, i mean.

'ma'am, can you please cover up? patons are complaining'.

'No, thank you, that doesn't serve me. Please leave me alone now.'

[Da WIC Lady]

I nursed DD at the kindergarten orientation at DSS's school here most recently. I've nursed her in IEP meetings, at after school parties, and anywhere I needed to. Nobody has said a word or blinked an eye except to wow that DD would unlatch on demand one time when we were finished with a meeting.

Anna

[MaryJaneLouise]

Originally Posted by Unoppressed MAMA Q

why we, as nursing mothers, don't simply 'say no' in situations like this.

'No, principal, I didn't agree to 'respect' your wishes, and please don't maipulate me with such phrasing. I will nurse my child independent of your hangups. Thank you!'

why don't we do this? as a culture, i mean.

'ma'am, can you please cover up? patons are complaining'.

'No, thank you, that doesn't serve me. Please leave me alone now.'

Righteous!

[4imprints]

Would it be possible to just go out in the hall? I know that isn't ideal - that it would be best to not have to seclude yourself - but I also feel that it being a classroom with small children makes it a whole different issue. Of course -you could always find out if any of the parents have an issue with it - you may find it was just the principle trying to avoid complaints.

If I were in your shoes - if it was too hot to use a sling in the room I would rather step outside for 10 min. or so that me and DD could both be comfortable.

Hope you can find a permanent solution.

[aran]

Where am I? This can't be the MDC lactivism forum, can it?

What's with all these responses suggesting you leave?

If you and DD were welcome there, and it would be OK for DD to have a snack there, then nursing should be appropriate.

OP, I thought you'd get more stalwart support here than I've seen

If I were in your situation, I think I might have responded with something like, "I didn't expect to be here this long, but I am trying to help out with all these *issues,* and now this is what my DD needs. Maybe we could deal with this if you have any *actual* complaints?"

I would take my cues from the principal's face/reaction, though. Tough to say w/o being there.

[DQMama]

Originally Posted by 4imprints

Would it be possible to just go out in the hall? I know that isn't ideal - that it would be best to not have to seclude yourself - but I also feel that it being a classroom with small children makes it a whole different issue.

I don't understand this. I am NOT attacking you personally and I am sorry to single you out but you bring up a good point that I hear a lot. Most of my friends who have no problem NIP without covering up feel uncomfortable nursing around children, especially boys. My own sister who is EPing right now has been going in her room because she feels uncomfortable pumping in front of her nephews (pumping might be a different issue I guess but the boys are 4 years old and one of them remembers nursing and watches me pump from time to time). My cousin asked me to go in the bedroom so her 9-year-old dd would not have to watch me nurse.

Why do people feel uncomfortable nursing in front of children, or worry that the children's parents will be upset? If children are the future, then children are the ones who most need to see mothers nursing. It needs to seem normal to them so that the next generation can grow up in a breastfeeding culture, not a bottlefeeding one.

[Momily]

I work in a school with PreK through 1st grade. Last spring I walked into the PreK classroom with cracked heels and sandals on and a group of 5 little boys spent 20 minutes asking me questions about my feet -- do they hurt? How did that happen? Does your doctor know your feet look like that? Do you put anything on that? Does your mother know your feet look like that? Eeeewww yuck, look at her feet! Come see her feet everyone! The next time I came into the classroom I wore socks!

For many young children a nursing pair, especially when the child is a toddler, will raise many many questions. Those questions are wonderful things, and I hope the OP will take the time to answer them. However, at certain points in the school day the teacher (especially on the first few days when she/he's establishing routines) may need the children to focus elsewhere. If this is true, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask a mother to nurse in a place that's not directly in view of the children. As I said, I'd feel the same way if she was reading a book to her child -- do I object to reading books? No, of course not, but I realize that a mother reading might be distracting to a group getting started.

In addition I can pretty much guarantee that if word gets out that a mother nursed in the classroom some parent is going to question it. That's fine and good, I'm used to questions, even ones I disagree with. However, it's much easier to handle these kinds of questions and maintain the relationship with the parent (which is crucial, even with those parents you disagree with) when there's been a few weeks to build relationships.

Having said that, in THIS case, where the OP was asked to be in the classroom, and specifically given permission to bring her toddler, I think she should have been allowed to nurse.

[Zadee]

In most situations where a mother is a guest in a classroom I would suggest that she step out of the classroom to nurse to avoid distracting the students. However, in this case the mother (the OP) isn't a guest per se but rather an invited (and rather exploited, IMO) volunteer. If stepping out were convenient I am sure she would already have done so, but, well, the whole situation sounds like a mess. The OP has to be there for her son's needs, the school needs a volunteer, they are running her ragged, then objecting because she sits down in the back of the room to nurse her toddler.

If they need you to be there for longer than the short periods your son needs to transition to school they need to accept the nursing. OTOH, you may have to accept 20 minutes of curious questioning by small children. Actually, that would be a great teachable moment.

[julianito]

[

If they need you to be there for longer than the short periods your son needs to transition to school they need to accept the nursing. OTOH, you may have to accept 20 minutes of curious questioning by small children. Actually, that would be a great teachable moment.[/QUOTE]

Here's the main point in my view. If elementary school children don't see nursing in person, and learn this is how we care for our babies, then they will be more likely to choose what they do see, bottle and formula. Not nursing in front of them reinforces bottle feeding as the norm, and an EDUCATOR (i.e. the principal)
should stand behind the teaching opportunity your nursing provides. Nuf said!