DS sad he's not making new friends at kindy

[Meli65]

To start off with, he's only been there one week. He is a very friendly boy, that kind that walks up to other kids and says, "Can I play with you?" Also, FWIW, we live in the Midwest where I've found it takes adults a while to warm up to strangers -- I imagine kids learn that behavior from their parents. Finally, he's in afternoon kindergarten -- just 2.5 hours a day, and I don't get the idea that there's a lot of downtime for socializing.

So, I'm not too stressed about this and have assured him that it is early days. I'd love to hear from other parents who've been there how long it takes for kids to start making new friends? Thanks!

[lauren]

That sounds pretty normal after just one week. It takes time to get friendships going. My hunch is he will start meeting up with the same kids over the Lego table or whatever, and gradually a friendship will emerge. The only caution is to figure out whether many of the kids went to the same preschool and already have some 'set' friendships, which might make it harder for him to break into.

Good luck to you and to him!

[GearGirl]

In my experience they will all be friendly with eachother in no time at all! You are right to not worry.

[boysrus]

My ds is in first grade but was hs'ed last year. He told me he hasn't found anyone to play with at recess. I spoke to the school counselor about it and she spoke to his teacher adn his teacher is going to hook him up with a playground buddy. SO, you migh twant to talk to the teacher adn see if he or she can help

[Sunmommy]

I just wanted to chime in b/c my dd is very extroverted and friendly but when she first started kindergarten (she is in 3rd grade now) she would go up to kids and say "Can I play w/you?" or "Do you want to play?" and a lot of times the kids would just say "no". I read somewhere that children who just start a game or just join in with what kids are playing have less trouble...if a kid asks a yes or no question sometimes kids will just say no really for no reason at all. I gave my dd the idea to say "Let's play xyz" or just to join a group and start playing and it worked like a charm.

My ds is not as extroverted as my dd but has never had any trouble making friends b/c he always just starts playing something and other kids join him, etc. I've never heard him ask "Can I play w/you?" etc....I didn't teach him not to but it just never has occured to him to ask...and he's never had a problem. Just throwing that out there in case it might help!

[LauraLoo]

Last year in K, my ds told me that he didn't have any friends either. This went on for a couple of months. In the meantime, I spied on him on the playground and, in fact, he *was* playing with other children. My ds does, however, have a different definition of what a friend is to him. DS is a little more particular about his friends than most other children that I know. A friend to my ds is more of a best buddy, confidant, likes the same stuff, kind of friend. So while it was probably true that he wasn't finding "friends" right away, it really meant he wasn't finding anyone that he really bonded with. Of course, that kind of bonding takes a little time.

[lawgrrl]

We found last year that setting up playdates, or even very casual get-togethers with anybody who wanted to show up at the park, worked great in helping our 4 year old DS. Same with his classmates. Seeing each other outside of school helped them in getting to know each other and seeing themselves as friends.

I recommend trying to set up a park date or playdate meeting at someone's house. That way you get to know that parent as well as the child. You may even want to ask the teacher who your child seems to play with at school and invite that child or children specifically.

About half-way through the school year (last year), DS and his "schoolmates" (as he referred to them) starting setting up their own playdates! I would pick DS up from preschool and he would say "E and I set up a playdate for today at the Park at 3:00." While the kids didn't always get to attend their arranged meetings, we parents had an easy way of knowing who our kids were enjoying playing with at that time.