Friends in Kindergarten

[AllNaturalEve]

Oh, gosh. We just moved to a new town a couple months ago. It's most definitely a blue-collar town. Not that there is anything wrong with that… but: in the first four days of school, my son had his brand new jacket stolen (yes I checked the lost and found – five times) his new ‘friend’ has a ‘thousand girlfriends’ (!!!) and his teacher is also one of the ones handing out (two) M&M’s as a reward. Not for doing his class work as in the other posting about giving candy at school, but for being responsible. His teacher also told me today that his new friend is getting my son to misbehave. HELP. How do I deal with all these influences? My son is already changing, how do I keep him the wonderful kid he is?

On another note: I find myself angry with him for no reason lately. Any little thing he does sets me off (internally) and I just seethe. I know it’s somehow tied into being mad at him for growing up, and I know that’s silly, so how to get over it? No other kids, none on the near horizon either. Although I wouldn’t mind a little girl! Any Adivce?

[lightheart]

don't know what to say other than my little angel was trying to make fart noises with his armpit the other day, after asking nicely who showed you that, and he replied "on the school bus" I wanted for him never to ride the bus, go to school, ever be in public for the "WORLD" to influence him!

I truely do not know what to say to him, I know that kids should be able to 'pick there own friends' to some degree but what do you say, how do you say it to them and it not come out sounding critical of others? Encourage the "good ones" but how do you really know if good is good and how do you know bad is bad?

his teachers' punishment for acting out or misbehaving is having the child sit on letters or numbers that are placed around the room on the floor, tiny little ones written with marker, so far he hasn't been made to sit in time out and I've hinted to him that the kids who always have to sit on the letters and numbers are not being good and he needs to not do what they do.

I'm all ears to hear what others have to say.

that's terrable about his jacket, did you put his name in it, maybe you could keep an eye out for it and see....

[lauren]

It sounds like you have all been through a major adjustment, which could account for some of your anger--not sure if the move was one you wanted to make, but if you didn't, that could account for some more irritability.

In terms of friends, I think we have to allow children to some extent to experience different types of people and to learn how to think through whether the friend is a good choice. Now, 5-6 is a little young for doing a good job at that, but you can start the thinking process. Sometimes as parents then, we have to step in to have the teacher intervene. For example, ask teacher not to necessarily encourag the friendship, seat them away from each other, etc. Next year you can request that your son not be placed with this child if it's really a negative situation. You could also try to get to know some of the other families and find some better matches for him, and then get together with those children; in other words take a more active role in helping him develop friendships. Perhaps also by 'doing something' about it, you might feel less angry, because you're channeling some of the frustration.

[EFmom]

I think that you have to learn to let go a little. It's not easy, believe me, I know. If there are kids who you really, really don't like, then you might have to take steps. But your child is going to come in contact with children who will influence him, sometimes in a good way and sometimes not. If he is bringing home behaviors you don't like, deal with the behaviors and let him know that they aren't acceptable.

I have found that my kids have become pretty discerning about what kids are trouble, and avoiding them. It takes some experience, though.