talking to dc about learning disabilities

[lunabelly]

We want to have dss (13) tested for a learning disability. He just came to live with us, and he seems to be struggling with homework much more than he should. We're not sure how to approach it with him, though. Any ideas?

[mom2ponygirl]

Well, some things to consider, not sure how I would approach it either.
1) He is at the age that many really bright or gifted kids first get assessed for LD's. Because they are so bright they develop compensation strategies that allow them to get by until the demands of the later grades overwhelm them.
2) I would perhaps use a sports analogy. Many prominent athletes reached a stage in their progression where they stalled. They had to go back and study in depth their tennis swing or hurdling form or whatever, to find the specific things to work on in order to move to the next level.
3) Read books by Mel Levine such as The Gift of Dyslexia or THe Myth of Laziness. He does a good job of describing how having your brain work a bit differently may make aspects of school difficult but may still be an asset in adult life.
4) Read The Mislabeled Child by Dr. Eides. It goes over many learning disablilities, what they look like, what kinds of problems you see, how to get it assessed, strategies for strengthening weaknesses and taking advantage of strengths.

[LauraLoo]

The Eide's (Mislabeled Child) also have a website that might be helpful:
http://www.mislabeledchild.com/

If you go into the Library tab, you'll find a number of resources including information about "Learning Differences."

Not to derail you from going down this path, but puberty can really impact boys at this age as well. Something else to consider.

[Lillian J]

I think those are great suggestions! I hadn't read them before writing the following. It could very well be that his particular learning style and/or what's going on inside of him right now might be a lot of what's going on. But I'll add this, in case it should become clear that he does have something else holding him back.

We had several such issues that came along, and what I explained to my son in each case, in the most matter-of-fact and empowering way I could, was that there are all sorts of ways in which different people learn, and that we wanted to give him a really solid supply of learning tools that covered as many ways as possible. And that's the way I really felt about it. The only time it was a bit different was when he was 12, taking a dyslexia program that was presented in a very, very positive way - the therapist noticed that his eyes weren't tracking across the page properly and sent us to a developmental optometrist that she herself and her daughter went to. At that point, he was tested and found to have some vision skill deficiencies that were fairly quickly cleared up through vision therapy. It didn't make him feel bad to realize that he had some things that needed to be tweaked in order to get him in the position of being able to read with more ease. I think the important thing is for you to make sure you're thinking in positives yourself - then it will come across as such. You wouldn't feel awkward about telling him you're thinking about getting him a new video game system, for instance, - so if you can think in terms of providing some bright, shiny new learning tools for him rather than in terms of providing therapy for his disabilities, it will help.

There are articles in my website about our experience with the Ron Davis Dyslexia (Gift of Dyslexia) program and Vision Therapy, the latter being what really did the trick for our son.

Lillian

[LynnS6]

I would also read Mel Levine's "A Mind at a Time" - it's for parents, but he gives stories in there about how he talks to kids (most of whom seem to be in this age group) about how their brain learns differently from other kids.

He's probably already noticed he struggles more than his peers, so helping him understand how he learns can only help, IMO.