Young Kindergarteners...how do you know you've made the right decision?

[girlsmamma2]

My dd will be 5 in late November, our district's cut off is Dec 1. She is the labeled "young Kindergartener" of her class. Her preschool teacher really thought she was ready and after many months of going back and forth with if we should put her in an afternoon 4's preschool with the same teacher whome she ADORES or go ahead with Kindy, we decided to go ahead. Now I am second guessing myself and really wondering if I made the right decision so I was wondering how you other mammas knew when it was the right choice.

When I left her at her preschool (first time ever being away from us and she had a few moments of tears the first couple days and it was over and she blossomed from there), in my gut i felt so good about it. This year I don't feel as good. She has had some separation issues, tears increasing every day this week, and in general a much harder time getting into it. The teacher, one teacher to 16 kids, doesn't have the time to give her the needed affection for more than a few minutes that would bring her out of it so she is left handling these feelings alone unless i stay which seems to make things worse. But, after she is over her tears, she has a nice time (I think wishes she had more free time to play) and is blabbing and bubbling and happy and over the top when she gets home.

I'm having a problem because in my gut I don't "feel" like this is the right decision, but i also totally suck at change so I can't tell why I'm feeling this way. I'm going to see how this week goes and then have a meeting with the teacher to see how she views her "academically" and socially in the room. But I'm struggling and almost feeling like I should yank her and put her in her old preschool room for another year.

When will i know if this is right? It's hard because I feel like it's somewhat regression with the tears at the beginning because she didn't have those at all last year. However she seems to be excelling at everything else. any advice? I've been so teary this weekend after her difficulty separating on Friday. I didn't expect her to be that upset. It's hard for me to accept her sadness as normal kwim?

[Ruthla]

I was in this situation twice: DD1 has an early December birthday and DS has a mid November birthday. DD simply wasn't ready for K when she was 4.75, so I put her in preschool that year. She's excelled in all her classes, being one of the oldest in the class.

DS, OTOH, was quite ready for K when he was 4.75, so I put him in K last year and he just started first grade this past week. There have been absolutely no problems with separation anxiety or any other signs that he wasn't ready last year.

I suggest you go with your gut. If your DD isn't doing well, then pull her out and try again next year. It's far better to do it now than to have her overwhelmed the entire school year.

[~Megan~]

I think you should follow your instincts.

I think in our district they have to be 5 by Sept 1st.

I'm trying to decide if we do Kindergarten with ds, still up in the air, if we should start him at barely 5 or barely 6.

[3boobykins]

I agree with following your instincts. We will be in the same place the year after next. DD's bday is mid-Sept. Cutoff is Sept. 1 but she could be on the waiting list if the class doesn't fill, with siblings being first on the list (she will have 2 sibs in school by then). It's a Waldorf-inspired charter, so two years of kindergarten are pretty common. She could go early if she got in and do two years. She'll be attending a wonderful, small home-based preschool next year, so she could do another year of that.

We're going to just see where she is at the time and decide then if she's ready.

You'll figure it out!

[peachweenie]

I think you are right to wait a week and talk to the teacher. If she can't reassure you that it's going well, then go with your gut and send her to the preschool for another year. From everything I've read, being the oldest in the class is an advantage for the child. My ds is a late Nov. birthday as well, but we are sending him to a 2-year kindy at a Waldorf-informed charter which is very gentle and non-academic. We didn't have any problem with separating and he seems to be happy and doing well. I don't think we'd fare so well in a regular academic kindergarten though!

[alicia9178]

Oh...I wish I did not have to say this, but we are in the same situation. DS turned 5 three days...yes...three day prior to the cut-off. We took him in for the Kdg screening and they said he was very ready. Well...not 3 weeks later we got a letter stating he was elidgible for Title I for being not at grade level for reading skills. I was so upset, however what I found most helpful was really sitting down with the teacher and getting her thoughts on how he is doing. So far he is doing "great" they say, and my opinion is that we will give it until October and then see. Problem is with him there it is really hard to pull him because he really likes it and I hate to make him feel badly.

Good luck mama!
Alicia

[BusyMommy]

My youngest missed the deadline by a month and my question, to myself, is how would early entry affect him in 5 years, 10 years? Sure, I KNOW he'd sail through kindergarten due to his personality, but would it affect him to be the youngest kid in his class in the years ahead.

[girlsmamma2]

well I talked to the teacher a bit on Friday and again today. She had many less tears today at drop off after we developed a special goodbye and the teacher took her hand as soon as she got a bit upset. She had a really good day but we'll see how the week goes. I mean, she's making friends, already developing independence etc. It's just the separation part she has so much trouble with. We'll see as the week goes on if it gets better or worse.

What would be the class I would move her to with her old teacher has almost the same drop off time as PM Kindy so I was able to see how she'd fit into that class and it seems to young for her and a friend agreed. I was checking this out as she walked by my friend, blew her a kiss and led the girls in her class (with a mother who was helping out today) to the bathroom with a big smile on her face. ug. I feel so emotional. One day up, the next day down. And my concern with her birthdate would be the opposite if we held off a year. She wouldn't be the youngest but the oldest then. And looking into the future, for a girl that means first to get boobs, first to do so many things like that. And if she turns out more mature than her classmates, she'd get bored quickly as that is how i was. I couldn't wait to exit school because it wasn't challenging. It's so hard to know when the feeling is right and just go with it.

[3boobykins]

Originally Posted by alicia9178

Oh...I wish I did not have to say this, but we are in the same situation. DS turned 5 three days...yes...three day prior to the cut-off. We took him in for the Kdg screening and they said he was very ready. Well...not 3 weeks later we got a letter stating he was elidgible for Title I for being not at grade level for reading skills. I was so upset, however what I found most helpful was really sitting down with the teacher and getting her thoughts on how he is doing. So far he is doing "great" they say, and my opinion is that we will give it until October and then see. Problem is with him there it is really hard to pull him because he really likes it and I hate to make him feel badly.

Good luck mama!
Alicia

Why does a Kindergartener need to be at "grade level for reading schools" 3 weeks into the school year?

[Amydoula]

I agree to go with your gut. My son is a late Nov. birthday as well and we waited. I'm so glad we did as he seems to be thriving this year in kindy (he'll be 6 this November). He isn't the oldest in his class either. In my area kindy is very academic so a lot of late summer/Fall birthday parents wait the extra year. It is also a full day program. I totally think it depends on the readiness of the child, not on age.

[fyoosh]

My son's birthday is the day after mine (his is Halloween, mine is October 30th). Our cut off is October 1st. There was NO WAY I was going to keep him out of Kindergarten one more year. I started K early (was tested in), and I did just fine. In fact, they wanted to skip me up a couple grades, but my mom refused it. I have resented her for that.

Anyway, I think you'd know if your child was ready for it or not. I knew my son was ready. He was getting extremely bored in preschool. The district we live in will NOT test kids in if they are past the cutoff, no matter what. They could be Einstein, and it would be too bad (my son is not a genius I just knew he was ready for K). So I tested him in to the district where my work is located instead -- they have the same cutoff date, but they test kids in if necessary -- and I am happy about my decision. He's going to an IB school, and I have had such a good experience with it so far.

If you're feeling weird about her being in K, I'd talk to her teacher about it and see what her feelings are on it, but overall go with your instincts.

[ChristaN]

We've been in this spot twice. Our cut-off, like the pp, is Oct. 1. (BTW fyoosh, we found out that the state of CO will not pay anything for your child to attend K if his/her bd is after 10/1, which is likely why your local district won't test for early admission.) That aside, my girls have bds in the last few days of August and Sept. We started both of them in K shortly before their 5th bds.

My older dd had a little difficulty in adjusting to the change of being away from me full-days in kindergarten. I had also just started working 20 hrs/week, which was an adjustment as well. She didn't cry, but did tend to bottle up things that upset her during the day and then come home and get upset about them. For the most part, I believe that is her personality and I would have dealt with that whenever she started school, though.

The point at which I can say I was absolutely sure we had made the correct decision in starting her when we did was in 2nd grade. For us, social issues are always going to be a bit tough b/c she is just a different kid and not always well understood by her peers. We knew it was the right choice for our dd when we finally got to the point of having some private testing done to figure out why dd didn't fit in fabulously with a lot of the teaching practices, etc. In our case, we are dealing with a very bright child for whom, the more we've tried different approaches, the more we've realized that she does better with older children, not younger ones. The best fit we've had thus far is when she'd been subject accelerated and placed with kids who are up to two-three years older than she is. That made it clear to us that having kept her out another year and grouped with younger kids just would not have been a good fit for her socially. Academically it has never been a question but that she needs to be at least where she is -- I should have realized that before 2nd grade, but I didn't have enough to compare her with prior to that point.

For my younger dd, she's a 2nd grader this year. I've been unsure, honestly. She's very different from her older sister and the social stuff has never been a concern. She gets along with everyone and is pretty easy going. She doesn't seem clingy, didn't have much difficulty with the adjustment to being away from home more, etc. However, I was less certain on the academic front. She's not in the same spot her sister was at this age. I don't know if I am being unfair to her, though, in that her sister, as I mentioned, is kind of an unusual child. Dd#2's teacher tells me that she is a "strong" student, so I am trying not to worry if her spelling is horrible and she isn't reading as well as her sister was at nearly 7, for instance. I can't say that I am "sure" I made the right choice for her, but I am feeling that it is more likely we did than not, though. I am hoping to feel more confident soon as we see how this year progresses.

[Milkymommy]

This is so hard. I know where you are coming from. My DD made the cut-off for kindy here by 2 weeks. Her preschool teacher said go for it and we put her in Kindergarten. By the first month I knew it was a mistake and wanted top pull her out and put her back in preschool.

We did'nt pull her out and the next 2 years were awful. She was expected to accomplish things that developmentally she was just not ready for. Socially she did fine, but academically she just started falling further and further behind.

We made the decision to have her repeat 1st grade this year. We are a month into school and it's going fairly well. She feels so smart right now. Homework is fun. She is learning! The past 2 years we would both end up in tears over her assignments.

Had she gone into 2nd this year, it would have meant no after school activities and she would have had to be pulled from class for extra help and would have probably needed a tutor after school as well. I want her to enjoy her childhood. Have time to play with her friends. Play soccer or take dance if that's what she wants. Mostly, I want her to be able to learn at a pace that is right for her.

Only you will know what is right for your DD.

[GearGirl]

It sounds like she is going to be fine in kindergarten this year, but definitely revisit things at the end of the year. It is really easy to repeat kindergarten, and there really doesn't seem to be a stigma attached to it for kids. If you still feel she is young and needs extra time, I would have her do another year of kindergarten. I have a young for his grade ds, he is 6 and just started second grade. It has its challenges for sure, and part of me wishes I had held him back for two years in K, because after first grade it just seemed too hard, his teacher wanted him to move on. It also helps that there are a good # of fall birthdays in his class, so he isn't alone.

[Heather30ish]

I was filled with anxiety last year at this time, and in our case, everything worked out fine. My guy has an end-of-Sept. birthday in a district where the cut-off is Dec. 1st. He was still one of the youngest in his kindergarten class, as there were many boys who had been held back a year, apparently.
I was worried, not about how he'd perform academically (he's super bright), but about how he'd adjust emotionally and socially. He'd had one year of part-time preschool and the kindergarten was full-day. Turns out, he adjusted very well indeed. He's very outgoing and the kind of kid who makes lots of friends wherever he goes, which must help. Now he's an outgoing first grader who isn't yet 6, but no worries at all.
You do need to trust your gut, to a point, as long as your fear isn't overwhelming your other senses, if you KWIM. Good luck!

[mommy68]

My DD turned 5 back in April and I felt that she would be too young for kindergarten in August this year but went ahead and put her in. She is smaller than the other kids and hyper and loses her attention span quickly but I'm hoping she does well. I also didn't want her to be the "youngest" in class every year while growing up. I was always the youngest and hated it.

IMHO, a birthday after Sept 1st is too late to start kindergarten, but that's JMHO. I would hold off a year and keep my child in preschool. I'd much rather hold them back than have them not make it at the end of the year and be held back from the new friends they've made only to repeat kindergarten again.

[ChristaN]

While I can certainly respect that waiting to start K until a child is older is an individual choice and in the best interest of some children, I do have to disagree with the opinion that all children with fall bds are too young to start K and that being the youngest is generally undesirable.

We all have our own experiences and I've truly tried not to project my own experiences onto my children. I can't say how sucessful I've been, but I am trying. I, too, was a younger kid in school with a mid-Sept. bd. For me, it would have been a very bad thing to have waited longer to start. I truly wish that my parents had taken the opportunity we were offered to grade skip me in elementary. However, that doesn't mean that my kids, or any other younger child, would have the same experience.

The research generally does not support the idea that delayed entry into kindergarten is a beneficial thing in the long-run for most younger children, however: http://www.journal.naeyc.org/btj/200...yingKEntry.pdf

That said, individual children are not statistics and what works for the "group" statistically, may not work for your individual child.

[Summerland]

Im so glad I found this thread im going through the same thing! My son is at school right now and im ready to go get him and wait until next year! im so torn though, i dont know if it's me who isnt ready or him?

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by ChristaN

While I can certainly respect that waiting to start K until a child is older is an individual choice and in the best interest of some children, I do have to disagree with the opinion that all children with fall bds are too young to start K and that being the youngest is generally undesirable.

We all have our own experiences and I've truly tried not to project my own experiences onto my children. I can't say how sucessful I've been, but I am trying. I, too, was a younger kid in school with a mid-Sept. bd. For me, it would have been a very bad thing to have waited longer to start. I truly wish that my parents had taken the opportunity we were offered to grade skip me in elementary. However, that doesn't mean that my kids, or any other younger child, would have the same experience.

The research generally does not support the idea that delayed entry into kindergarten is a beneficial thing in the long-run for most younger children, however: http://www.journal.naeyc.org/btj/200...yingKEntry.pdf

That said, individual children are not statistics and what works for the "group" statistically, may not work for your individual child.

I'm not sure if you are referring to my last post. But I DID enroll my DD in kindergarten this year even though I feel like she is too young and I'm still on the fence about whether I made the right decision or not. She is one of the youngest and definitely the very smallest in her class but I'm hoping she will do fine. I wasn't trying to say anything about how I based things on what I went through at that age. I was just yapping about what I went through. My parents did put me in kindergarten early though because they both worked and needed me there since it was free and the daycare I had been in up until that time was not.

[ChristaN]

I caught that you had enrolled your dd and I'm not meaning to pick on you. I just generally got the impression from your post that you didn't think it was a good idea to start younger kids based on your comment about kids with bds after 9/1 being too young IYO and hating being the youngest yourself when you were in school.

eta: out of curiosity, what is the cut-off where you are? A child with an April bd would not be super young for K where I live and is at least 5 months older than my dd was when she started K (my little one has a bd in the last few days of Sept.). I have to admit that I grew up in CA where the cut-off is (was?) in December and it is odd to me how late some of the cut-offs are in other parts of the country. If you had waited a year, wouldn't your dd be turning 19 by the end of her senior year of highschool? (I totally don't mean this to be rude. I apologize if I am coming off as abrasive. I'm just adjusting my perspective!)