is it rude to request a specific midwife?

[clutterbug]

We are going to use a midwifery group for prenatal/birth/postnatal care. We met today with one of the midwives for an introductory meeting/interview and really LOVED her, and she lives very close to us. But she said they divvy up clients amongst the midwives in the group based on due dates, geography etc...so she may not be our midwife.

We really liked her and we would love for her to continue our care. Would it be rude to ask if she could be our primary midwife, if possible, since we really felt comfortable with her and like that she is only a short drive from us? I am not thinking of demanding it but maybe gently suggesting that this would be great with us. I don't want to offend the other midwives in the group, though, since I am sure they are awesome too! I just don't like change :-) Midwifery is not covered under the medical system (or our private insurance) so we are paying out of pocket (I only mention this since we are kind of paying customers, so maybe we can be a little more choosy?).

[Molliejo]

I don't think it's rude at all! The more comfortable you are during your birth experience (and that has a lot to do with your doctor or midwife), the better your birth will be...for you and your baby.

I would go for it!

[birdie22]

I think it's very nice, since you're saying you already have a nice rappot with the woman you met.

Is it one of those things where you get whoever is on call when you're in labor? Or they trade off shifts if you have a long labor? It might be nice to get to know all of them if this is the case.

[thismama]

I think it is fine to request her. Birth is a pretty intense and intimate thing, to say the least, and IMO you should absolutely get to ask for the attendant you want.

[clutterbug]

Originally Posted by birdie22

I think it's very nice, since you're saying you already have a nice rappot with the woman you met.

Is it one of those things where you get whoever is on call when you're in labor? Or they trade off shifts if you have a long labor? It might be nice to get to know all of them if this is the case.

No, I think the primary midwife would be there unless she is ill or has an emergency or something. But one of the other 2-3 in the group would be there with her as a second at the time of the birth. And I think I will get a chance to meet them all over the course of my care :-)

[adtake]

I can kinda relate.

The BC I go to has 4 midwives..you are supposed to see them all during your pregnancy. Last time I ended up seeing the same midwife alot. I didn't like her as my midwife. I realized it early and mentioned it to one of the other midwives (the one who delivered #2) She asked I give it time and keep an open mind...which I totally understand. But now that I have had her at a delivery I do not want her again... So I plan on asking the other midwife about a special request. You never know who you are going to get at go time...who ever is on call.

[Taedareth]

You can totally be choosy! In that situation, I would kindly but FIRMLY request the midwife of my choice. It can screw up the whole birth experience if you feel uncomfortable with the midwife present. Having the right relationship with your midwife is key!

[AGierald]

sorry, im invading from march due dates-- i dont think its rude. In fact, just yesterday i asked my OBGYN about switching to a midwife and she wasnt at ALL offended. Keep in mind, i LOVE my OB, but in order to have a waterbirth, i have to have a midwife, and she understood that. So i dont think its rude at all!

[clutterbug]

So I sent my note, saying something to the effect of "if it could be arranged, we would be pleased to continue with you as our primary midwife, we felt really comfortable with you like that you in our neighbourhood" but I also softened it a little by saying we can sort it all out later and we look forward to meeting the others (who I am sure are fantastic!). I figure that puts it out there without making it seem like we're difficult right from the get-go!!

Thanks to everyone for the support!

[merry-mary]

Not rude at all. We did this with DS. I have 8 docs in the OB practice that we see, and I really liked 2 of them. In our birth plan, I said something to the effect of, "while we respect and trust all of the doctors in the practice, if possible we would like Dr. X or Dr. Y to deliver our child, as we have developed a close rapport with them."

We didn't get our wish, but the doc who delivered DS was fantastic.