Frustrated w/ dd's kinder teacher -- GOOD Update post 36! - Page 2

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by mesecina

Can I ask a probably silly question here? Is there also a dietary issue going on? Otherwise, why is it better for your daughter to have one of your treats when it's another kid's birthday than to have one of their treats when it's another kid's birthday? Would it be easier for her teacher to understand "My child may have a treat, but I'd like her to leave the room while you sing, etc."? I hope this doesn't come across as disrespectful, there must be something I'm missing here...

From post #11 (someone else asked the same thing):

Originally Posted by Justthatgirl

It's our beliefs. When I was a kid, missing out on the cupcake that everyone else got was kind of a bummer. I just wanted a cupcake, too. If my mom had sent me w/ my own treat it would have been ok to me. So I send my kids their own treats w/ the request that dd be sent elsewhere for the bday song and stuff. In kinder they make a big thing over bdays, but not so much in the other grades, so we didn't have to worry about that w/ ds (he's a 2nd grader). I'm trying to make it so my kids don't feel bad or feel like they're missing out on something. We have parties and stuff for other reasons, we get cupcakes and treats for other reasons, but it is a little uncomfortable being the only kid in class who doesn't celebrate bdays or holidays. I'm trying to help them see that it's ok to be different, but they can still have a special treat when the rest do. (To dd, those cookies we sent for her are big news!)

Does that help?

[mesecina]

No, I read that, it just doesn't make sense to me. I'm not sure how eating your own treat on someone's birthday is better than eating their treat. It's still a treat that you wouldn't have gotten had it not been their birthday...

[mesecina]

By the way, I'm not at all saying that the teacher wasn't being horribly dense to not understand such clear instructions...

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by mesecina

No, I read that, it just doesn't make sense to me. I'm not sure how eating your own treat on someone's birthday is better than eating their treat. It's still a treat that you wouldn't have gotten had it not been their birthday...

We don't celebrate birthdays. I don't want her to see the other kids having a treat and she be without. I send her with her own, not birthday-related, treat so that she won't feel like she's missing out on something tasty even though everyone else has one.

[mesecina]

I'm sorry if I offended you - just trying to understand wha'ts going on.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by mesecina

I'm sorry if I offended you - just trying to understand wha'ts going on.

Oh, no, you didn't. I'm just agitated this morning (school issue and I'm totally nesting but dh is in there sleeping!) and may have come across as snarky. Sorry.

[mesecina]

Oh no - I know these things can get touchy, and I didn't want to push too hard. OK - apologies over - I hope this gets better for you!

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by mesecina

Oh no - I know these things can get touchy, and I didn't want to push too hard. OK - apologies over - I hope this gets better for you!

lol! Thanks, me too!

[CathMac]

Alternative ways to celebrate summer birthdays during the school year?

Originally Posted by Justthatgirl

We don't celebrate birthdays. I don't want her to see the other kids having a treat and she be without. I send her with her own, not birthday-related, treat so that she won't feel like she's missing out on something tasty even though everyone else has one.

Justthatgirl,
At the risk of seeming as dim as your daughter's teacher, I'm still a little confused. Is it that you don't celebrate birthdays at all, including family celebrations at home? Or is it that you opt out on your child having to celebrate other kids' birthdays at school? Is it at all possible it might be more painful to be excluded from all of the other birthdays everyone else will be celebrating than to not be able to celebrate theirs in school?

My birthday is in July and I remember this bothering me in the first grade and it didn't occur to me until now that since both of my daughters were born in the summer it could be an issue for them. I'm wondering if I could ask the teachers what --if anything-- they'll be doing about Birthdays and whether they could have a joint celebration at the beginning or end of the year or some arbitrary day in the middle. Or maybe they could do a 1/2 birthday. For instance a child born on June 15th could celebrate with anyone born on December 15th?

~Cath

[eclipse]

I can't be positive, but my take is that this is a religious issue for the OP.

I know there was a girl who was a JW in the other K class last year, and she always came to DS's class during celebrations.


OP, if you are a Jehovah's Witness, can I ask an ettiquite question? I believe the girl I mentioned above is in ds's class this year. When it comes time for birthday invitations, I can't decide if it's more rude to give her an invite knowing she can't come, or more rude to invite everyone else in the class, but not her. What do you think?

[eclipse]

Originally Posted by CathMac

I'm wondering if I could ask the teachers what --if anything-- they'll be doing about Birthdays and whether they could have a joint celebration at the beginning or end of the year or some arbitrary day in the middle. Or maybe they could do a 1/2 birthday. For instance a child born on June 15th could celebrate with anyone born on December 15th?

~Cath

This always bothered me, too, as a late June bday girl. My son's class is doing one bday party a month, and is still working out how to handle the summer bdays. We will either have 1/2 bday parties in Dec, Jan, and Feb or we'll do "unbirthdays" in months that there aren't any or are very few bdays.

[oceanbaby]

Originally Posted by Justthatgirl

We don't celebrate birthdays. I don't want her to see the other kids having a treat and she be without. I send her with her own, not birthday-related, treat so that she won't feel like she's missing out on something tasty even though everyone else has one.

I think this is the confusing part. The treat you are bringing for your dd IS a birthday related treat - she's getting it because the other class is getting a birthday treat. So I don't see a big difference between her own cookies and the class treat. The teacher could just hand her one of the treats the rest of the class is getting and put her in a different area.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to provide a treat for just her, I'm just trying to say that I think I see where some of the confusion is.

(May I ask what the belief system is that doesn't allow you to celebrate birthdays? I've never heard of it. I've heard of not celebrating birthdays, but I've never heard of not being allowed to participate in the celebration of other birthdays. I'm just curious.)

[eclipse]

Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate anyone's birthday.

[Zach'smom]

I don't think it matters why the op doesn't want her dc in the room or to have the treat. What matters is that the teacher needs to understand that dc needs to leave the room during celebrations and that she should have a cookie that was provided from home. It doesn't seem confusing at all.

I would set up a meeting with the teacher and principal together after school hours. Explain the situation and provide written instructions. Explain that you have repeatly explained, emailed, etc the teacher, but there still seems to be a misunderstanding.

To make things easier, instead of having the teacher give her a cookie package up some cookies and keep them in dc's backpack so dc can grab one on her way out of the room. Then just check the backpack periodically and replenish the cookies as neccesary. That way you don't have to rely on the teacher. Also dc will always have a fresh cookie, instead of one that has been sitting in the teachers desk drawer for a couple months. I don't think I'd trust that teacher with the cookies anyway.

Good luck to you!!!

[HarperRose]

Well. I feel sheepish.

I was so frustrated with this whole ordeal!! Then today I got an email from the teacher!

She wrote: I MAY HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD ABOUT THE
COOKIES. R wanted to give one to everyone in the class so I told
the class R wanted to help me teach them about sharing and she
wanted to share her special cookies.



She also said she was going to go buy a package of those cookies to replace them since there's another bday next week. How sweet!

:

And yes, to those that asked, we are Jehovah's Witnesses and do not celebrate any holidays or birthdays.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by Zach'smom

I don't think it matters why the op doesn't want her dc in the room or to have the treat. What matters is that the teacher needs to understand that dc needs to leave the room during celebrations and that she should have a cookie that was provided from home. It doesn't seem confusing at all.

I would set up a meeting with the teacher and principal together after school hours. Explain the situation and provide written instructions. Explain that you have repeatly explained, emailed, etc the teacher, but there still seems to be a misunderstanding.

To make things easier, instead of having the teacher give her a cookie package up some cookies and keep them in dc's backpack so dc can grab one on her way out of the room. Then just check the backpack periodically and replenish the cookies as neccesary. That way you don't have to rely on the teacher. Also dc will always have a fresh cookie, instead of one that has been sitting in the teachers desk drawer for a couple months. I don't think I'd trust that teacher with the cookies anyway.

Good luck to you!!!

Thanks. I'm afraid they'll get smashed i nthe backpack. It seems that we've got the issue taken care of at the moment. Whew! I'm relieved. I hope things get better now.

[rmzbm]