How do your children feel about hs'ing? - Page 2

[Dakota's Mom]

My five year old son proudly tells people we homeschool. Except when he's mad at me. Then he wants to go to building school. Most of the time we are able to work through what he's mad about.

Kathi

[ABand3]

My DS age 7 has been homeschooled for nearly a year - we pulled him out of ps 1st grade last fall.

I just asked him what he thinks of hs and he says he likes it b/c it's shorter (takes less time away from playing than ps).

My answer is that I think he felt weird/different while in school - he is academically far ahead of his grade level, he is eager to follow rules, eager to learn, he loved reading. Sitting through all the "sit down, be quiet", waiting for other kids to be ready and tuned into the academic stuff was so draining for him, he definitely felt (and was) out of place.

He didn't make many friends in K or 1st b/c we moved a couple times, but it was hard from him anyway b/c he didn't watch much tv, wasn't into batman, power ranger or digimon (or whatever). He wanted to talk about geography and learning other languages and human anatomy. Not covered in 1st grade.

Now that he's homeschooling he loves it, he feels normal. He plays with other kids who are excited about nature. He doesn't feel like he sticks out because he likes to read. He loves the freedom of his days, and sees enough of other homeschoolers in the community to know that he's not the only one being 'deprived' of school.

Regarding your dd's feeling pressured to conform, while I understand that you want to respect her feelings, at some point she will face a choice where not conforming might be the best thing - smoking, drugs, sex, whatever... she will need skills/practice/support in being ok with going against the grain.

[Papooses]

Leila likes it a lot so long as she gets to spend about 1 hour most days with other kids -- via the learning cooperative, library or book store reading time, playground/park, etc....

She tells me & our family that she loves HS, but randomly tells strangers that she doesn't want to anymore :

[UUMom]

My kids love hsing. They have told their schooled frineds multiple times: "I'm free". Our kids know that they are free to decide their 'educational' lives. They have friends & a sib in school, so they have been in schools for celebrations and peformances (which are artifical to the school day). Anyway, school is not some unknown thing to them. While schools have been kind to our family, our hsers choose to be home. Our youngest has never stepped foot in a school except for plays & concerts etc., and our 15 yr old has not stepped foot in a classroom in more than 5 years. My kids love telling folks they are hsers. Warms my heart.

It's cool. For the right peeps hsing is the bomb.

[mom2ponygirl]

My dd, nearly 9 has homeschooled since finishing K at a Montessori school. At first she felt a little uncomfortable with the questions about what school she attends. I realize that I was still a little unsure of how to anwer that question as well. As I became confident in our choice, so did she. Now when people ask what grade she is in, she proudly answers, 'I'm in all sorts of grades since I homeschool I can do whatever grade level I'm ready for.' Then she proudly tells them she's started Algebra (the only subject with a readily apparent grade level) and I try to disappear into the background.

She has many hs friends, but also friends who attend school. Her best friend just moved from public school to a private school. Her mom and her are very excited about the move and talk about all the wonderful things there. I asked dd if that made her want to go to school and she said, 'not really'. When I pressed a little she told me, I'm homeschooling and that's final!

[MaWhit]

As I became confident in our choice, so did she.

This is the key, IMO.

[Mom4tot]

You have gotten many fabulous responses. My dd is 11 and has been hsing since age 5. We strated a hs group then so she has many hsed friends. I know she loves her freedom and appreciates the many hours a day to read and play, pursue her dreams. Ds is 7 and also has some hsed friends. They also have eachother. It's just what we do. I try and stay very positive about it even when confronted with "awkward" questions.

[emmsmama]

Originally Posted by phathui5

Most of my kids' friends are homeschooled also, so we haven't had any problems with it. The friends that do go to school on our street, we see after school anyway.

Have you looked into a local homeschool playgroup or co-op so your son can make some friends who aren't in school?

I run a home daycare and so ds has friends to play with during the day so ds isn't really my concern, it was dd. She has an insatiable desire to socialize She has friends but I think it's the fact that they were all going to be going off to school and she wasn't that made her feel torn on the issue of hs'ing.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I think that the more comfortable we are with our choices, the less criticism we get, and the less it effects our kids. I refuse to live my life based on other people's uninformed opinions, and I'm raising my kids to make their own choices. I want my kids to follow their bliss and listen to their inner voice, how can I teach them that if I'm scared of what everyone will think of me?

I hear ya. I extended breastfed, don't vacc, wore my babes in slings, co-slept p/t; all things a lot of people thought was odd. The difference in those cases is that I could take peoples comments and deal with them without my dd or ds feeling criticized. I do think though that if I would have had more of a confident attitude toward others wrt homeschooling comments they made, then my dd would have as well so ita with you there. However, being my first time ever hs'ing it is hard to exude confidence when I am shaking inside.

Originally Posted by fourlittlebirds

Oh dear. Is there a possibility of changing your social circle? It sounds like it's an issue of your daughter feeling insecure about being different and having to deal with others' negative reactions to homeschooling? I really don't know what to suggest as a solution for that, other than meeting it with homeschooling-positive influences and social outlets.

I do have a local hs'ing group that I think dd would like, but it's not an everyday exposure like the neighbours and family are. My FIL tried to be nice when he found out we were going to hs, but I know my dd sensed his disapproving undertone. She's my "feeling" kid. Nothing anybody is feeling gets by her.

Originally Posted by michelle1k

We have gone the other way: homeschooled for 3 years and this year my 9-year old is attending school for the first time. He is by nature a very solitary child, academically at 6th - 9th grade level and hence doesn't really "fit in" with the other kids at school (doesn't watch tv, reads obsessively, does fencing and plays the violin). BUT he *loves* school, loves the social aspect of it (who would have thought???!), loves the bus rides, loves knowing all the work and loves recess.

See that is why I am torn wrt to hs'ing dd because she enjoys school and wasn't having any problems. I just wanted to hs her because I think I could give her a deeper learning environment (I LOVE the CM philosophy and was planning on going with AO book recommendations; also I was going to go with MUS or Rightstart so she can really *understand* math instead of just giving the right answer on paper), I was looking forward to her and I deepening our relationship, and also to avoid the clique-y, materialist crap in school. She's happy in school; I was the one that wanted to do things differently.

Originally Posted by Papooses

She tells me & our family that she loves HS, but randomly tells strangers that she doesn't want to anymore :

Isn't if funny how kids can change their minds so quickly! Ds said all summer he didn't want to go to school, then once school started he's asked a couple of times to go now. I just diverted his attention to a different topic and now he's decided he still wants to be home with me

If dd wasn't liking school or was having problems I would have no problem pulling her and I know she would be a-ok with that decision, but she likes school and that is why it made it tougher to see her crying to go to school and be with her friends. She totally wanted to be home and learn with mom, but didn't want to miss out on the stuff at school either. Then there were family members and friends asking her questions and making her feel awkward for not going to school.

If at some point in the future she and I decide for her to come home I will be sure to take some advice from previous posters and take a completely upbeat attitude with others about hs'ing (even when I'm shaking in my boots or want to bop them upside their head ). Right now dd is bummed out when she gets home from school and can't go play b/c she has homework, or when she wants to read at night longer with me but we can't b/c she has to get up early for school. I'm hoping she will decide doing work for a few hours during the day will allow her to play more and read more in the evening, but time will tell.

[michelle1k]

I wanted to add that we try to keep home life as intellectually stimulating as possible - even though ds attends public school. I would not overestimate the educational value of "school" in a true quest for knowledge.

You could enrich your dd's intuitive understanding of math by playing games with her (you certainly don't need a curriculum for this)... Mathdice, Duo, Mastermind, etc and other logic/math computer games come to mind. Have you looked at "Family Math" or "More family math"? Awesome book/s usually touted by unschoolers but a great addition to any family's home library.

We still read from the Story of the World (history) book one night a week b/c my ds loves history and since dh is a history nut, many wonderful conversations happen around this.

We watch educational videos (NOVA, National Geo, BBC, etc) b/c ds has a passion for life sciences and participate in evening and weekend programs at the nearby ecology center. Two Saturdays a month, my ds attends a science class (chemistry) at our library and we plan to continue doing experiments from the "Real Science for Kids" book we used when we were homeschooling.

On weekends we hike and draw in our nature journals (gotta love CM!); we have philosophical discussions during dinner (great stuff like ethics in medical practice, the origin of the Self and mind).

We read from the AO book list and from other great literature.

We practice our instruments (before school and after dinner).

A fun thing to do is to ask your child what sort of interesting things he / she wants to find out more about and then respond with a bevvy of books, videos, music cd's, trips, or maybe even a weekend class or two. I have done this before and right now my ds is just working on another list (with some really surprising topics!) for me. I staple his list into a notebook and refer to it periodically during the course of the year.

Seeing and responding to the needs of the whole child means meeting your dd where she's at right now. You can change anything at any point and be as flexible in her education as your family's personal dynamics allow.

Good luck!

[rsps]

There aren't any kids in our neighborhood for the boys to play with, so virtually all their friends are also homeschooled.

They have one friend they see during his school breaks (he's at a year round school.) I think he's just happy to have them to play with and doesn't really want to talk about school. (He's had some trouble there).

When Nick was in cub scouts, most of the boys in his den went to the local catholic school. When the den leader introduced him to the group he briefly explained about homeschooling. ("His mom teaches him -- isn't that cool?) So we never had a problem there. One boy did ask if we were doing testing the week they were at school -- but I think that's the only time school came up.

[gaudynight]

Annie is mostly fine with it (would be totally fine were it not for the relatives who act as though there's something 'wrong' with her not being at school!). She's only five though, so I do wonder how she'll be when she gets older. I hope she'll keep enjoying it.

Juliet says she never wants to go to school.

[emmsmama]

Originally Posted by michelle1k

Seeing and responding to the needs of the whole child means meeting your dd where she's at right now. You can change anything at any point and be as flexible in her education as your family's personal dynamics allow.

Good luck!

Thanks for all the advice in your post

[umbrella]

Another mom here gave me a good-natured hard time, because apparently, my kid was telling her kid, "You should get your mom to homeschool. Then you'll have loads of time for playing." And sure enough, her kid was telling her that they should homeschool, so he can have more time to play.

[oneotamama]

My ds thinks it's great that he's not in public school. He thinks his 6 year old cousin who has to ride the bus for over an hour and sit in a classroom for 7 hours/day must be terribly miserable, especially on these nice warm fall days.

[onlyzombiecat]

How do your children feel not going to school like their friends? Were they always hs'ed or were they in ps previously? How do you deal with them feeling awkward or like people are looking down on them? My dd is a very sensitive girl so she senses very easily not only when others are looking at her like she is odd, but also when people are criticizing me and my choice to hs, even if subtly or unintentionally done.

My dd is 7 and has always been homeschooled. All the kids we know are in ps. She doesn't seem to care about being like other kids or feel awkward. We haven't really experienced anyone looking down on her.

Last year at the beginning of the year dd wanted to go to school and ride the bus. We talked about why she wanted to go. Mostly it was the bus ride. I pointed out all the great things about homeschooling. She got over it pretty fast.

This year she seems really happy about homeschooling. I'm probably a lot more organized and confident about it too.
Over the summer some people asked her what grade she was going to be in and she was a little confused. I talked to her about it and told her that if she was going to school she would be in 2nd grade and that we would be doing 2nd grade homeschooling this year. That seemed to ease her mind.
We also set up an organized space for homeschooling in our home. We don't sit at a desk and do lessons but it is kind of a focused area and dd seems to like that.
I let dd have some input into what we would do the the first 2 days this year and she got a box of new school supplies. I also asked her input on the order of our daily schedule.

Recently a ps boy her age was visiting and I overheard them talking. She proudly told him she was homeschooling. He didn't know what that was so I had to explain that some kids learn at school and some kids learn at home. He pretty much just said oh and they went back to what they were playing. It was really a non-event.

I would give your dd some time to get used to hs. I would try to help her see the positives. Help her to get involved with other homeschool families so she sees that others do it too. She could participate in scouts, take a class or get involved in a sport still too.
You could read books with her about kids who are homeschooled.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=264273

[sunnylady303]

I am glad for this question. I feel like my dd might end up struggling with this. She is almost 4 and knows that we will be homeschooling but is also aware that all the other kids she knows don't. She will be asked a lot of questions. We are at a church where hsing is not a popular decision and she'll have to answer that. Working in our favor is the fact that (at least now and probably for the next few years) she prefers being home. I don't have an answer other than to look for other hsers for her to play with.

[jeteaa]

Originally Posted by ABand3

Regarding your dd's feeling pressured to conform, while I understand that you want to respect her feelings, at some point she will face a choice where not conforming might be the best thing - smoking, drugs, sex, whatever... she will need skills/practice/support in being ok with going against the grain.

WELL SAID!!!