"Forgetting the pain"? That's a JOKE - Page 5

[lachingona1]

After my first one and 42 hrs of labor I really didn't want to do that again. I remembered the pain and the whole experience (natural hospital birth) quite vividly for awhile. My second one was a 3 hr and 45 min extremely intense labor (home birth) I had said right after that I don't want to ever do that again! I have forgotten the pain (it has only been 8 weeks) and it is just a memory. That is what our bodies to do trick us into having another baby.

[SheBear]

Haven't read the whole thread, but as to the OP....I agree that it's a joke! I certainly did not forget the pain of labor! All three of my babies have been posterior back/butt/leg labor (never have felt much of anything up front!) and all have been unmedicated.

I definitely have not forgotten the sensation of labor....for me, rather, it just wasn't important once the baby was born, KWIM? Sure, it hurt like hell.....for awhile. But once the birth was over, so was the pain of birth., sure there was residual discomfort while I was healing, but the pains didn't continue.

So, for me, while I can remember the power and intensity of those contractions, that ring of fire, the almost inevitable sense at one point or another that I could not do it for one more second...while none of that is forgotten or dulled or anything, it also holds no fear for me, thus no power over me.

Yep, I fully expect this birth will hurt just as much as the others. I have no reason to think it won't be another back labor; in spite of all my efforts to the contrary, that seems to be the way my body does birth. It will hurt, but I will overcome it, just like I have before. Because I am strong, and I will be surrounded by strong, supportive people who will share their strength with me!

[Brisen]

I can remember the pain, quite clearly. However, my births weren't traumatic, and I was able to keep "on top" on the ctx for most of my labour with each one. I remember the ring of fire and boy do I remember afterpains, but it wasn't so bad that I'm not willing to do it again, if that makes sense.

I always kind of thought that that was what the saying meant -- the importance of the pain faded away, but you could still remember what it was like. It's interesting for me to read so many women say they can't remember what it felt like.

[ericswifey27]

I still haven't gotten over the trauma of the first birth, and that was 3 1/2 years ago. The pain of the second birth, which I know intellectually was pretty much just as bad, is a distant memory-although it was just 3 months ago.

Could it be that you are remembering this pain so vividly because it traumatized you so much?


Oh and just because it's different for you doesn't mean you should feel like a loser! No way, Don't do that to yourself!

[janellesmommy]

With my first birth, I remember that the pain was horrific. But I have good memories of that birth. When I was getting ready for my 2nd birth, I got into the empty birth tub when we set it up a week before my due date. I started freaking out, remembering the pain.

My 2nd birth was a lot faster and a lot less painful. But I don't have good memories of that birth for separate reasons.

[LemonPie]

My kids are 4 yrs and 27 months. For me, the idea of the pain has just kind of blurred into the background of my whole memory of the event, if that makes any sense.

With #1 my water broke and I was in hard labor within 10-15 minutes. I remember crying about how much the contractions hurt. I remember vomiting shortly after I got to the hospital because I was sick from the pain. Before they'd let me have the epidural, they wanted me to be dilated to three. The nurse "swept some adhesions" from my cervix and pronounced that now she could call me a three, as if she'd done me some enormous favor. Interestingly, THAT, done unexpectedly and against my will, is one of my very vivid memories of my first birth. It still makes me angry to this day and I remember it more intensely than the contractions. It was intensely painful and I felt violated. In retrospect I should have complained.

With #2, my water didn't break until late labor, so my contractions were very different, and they were irregular as well. I only went into the hospital because I was having some bright red show, and by the time I got there I was settling into a regular pattern (and dilated to six!). Only after my water broke and I hit transition did I then remember how intense my contractions were with my first before the epidural (makes me wonder how fast I would have gone without it). I went without pain medication for this birth, and experienced that euphoria right after.

So, today, I remember hurting A LOT. But it's hard to describe, and it's not enough to deter me from wanting to do it again. However, I had relatively easy births both times, even with the interventions first time around. But like I said, I remember that one cervical check *vividly*, so it makes sense to me that those of you who had extremely traumatic birth experiences might remember things in a different way.

Jen

[threadbey]

This is a great thread. I agree it's a joke (for me, anyway - some women have painless labors, too, but that was not me). Mine was a completely natural, supposedly non-traumatic, homebirth. I was in the worst pain of my life for about 8 hours. There was a long period (thankfully I don't know how long) where the pain didn't go away between contractions. It lessened slightly, but didn't go away. (Yes, I know lots of people have it much worse.)

I did have the high afterwards, but for the first 24 hours I was absolutely convinced I was never having another child (which made me sad). After that, I was willing to consider it as a distant possibilty.

What really got to me was when I read my MW's labor notes at 7 weeks pp. I was interested and enjoying reading them, but started to feel sick to my stomach. I blamed it on too heavy a lunch. But then every time I thought about labor or read a birth story, or even read posts about ways to deal with contractions, I would get cramps and/or feel sick. And, yes, I remembered the pain, and still do, quite clearly.

At this point (6 months later) I am finally not having a physical reaction to the thought of labor most of the time.

I think part of it for me was that I had this deep down feeling that if it hurt so much, I must not have been "handling" it well enough (or that I had painful expectations, even though I thought I didn't, that had set me up for it). So, even though I survived and had a (wonderful!) homebirth like I wanted, I didn't feel very strong. Lately, I've started thinking about it differently - remembering the pain, but also remembering that it was (slightly) easier to deal with (truly, it was) when it got so overwhelming that all I could do was just let it happen. This might make sense only to me, but it has helped me think about the pain less negatively.

I probably will have another child. At this point, the pain of labor is a minor point in that decision (it will be awful, but it will not last terribly long) - I'm a lot more concerned about parenting a toddler while pregnant and parenting a toddler AND a newborn while recovering from childbirth. The experience of the second will determine if there will be a third.

I hope you can get some help dealing with your psychological reaction to the pain memory. You don't have to forget the pain. You just have to find a way to think about it that won't make you feel horrific every time you think about it, kwim? to you, Caitrin, and to all of you with traumatic birth memories.

ETA: I agree with pp who said you should tell your family quite clearly that talk about forgetting the pain is hurtful to you and that you do not wish to discuss the subject.

[Celticqueen]

Originally Posted by lachingona1

That is what our bodies to do trick us into having another baby.

Not for me though.

-Caitrin

[Celticqueen]

Originally Posted by threadbey

This is a great thread. I agree it's a joke (for me, anyway - some women have painless labors, too, but that was not me). Mine was a completely natural, supposedly non-traumatic, homebirth. I was in the worst pain of my life for about 8 hours. There was a long period (thankfully I don't know how long) where the pain didn't go away between contractions. It lessened slightly, but didn't go away. (Yes, I know lots of people have it much worse.)

I did have the high afterwards, but for the first 24 hours I was absolutely convinced I was never having another child (which made me sad). After that, I was willing to consider it as a distant possibilty.

What really got to me was when I read my MW's labor notes at 7 weeks pp. I was interested and enjoying reading them, but started to feel sick to my stomach. I blamed it on too heavy a lunch. But then every time I thought about labor or read a birth story, or even read posts about ways to deal with contractions, I would get cramps and/or feel sick. And, yes, I remembered the pain, and still do, quite clearly.

At this point (6 months later) I am finally not having a physical reaction to the thought of labor most of the time.

I think part of it for me was that I had this deep down feeling that if it hurt so much, I must not have been "handling" it well enough (or that I had painful expectations, even though I thought I didn't, that had set me up for it). So, even though I survived and had a (wonderful!) homebirth like I wanted, I didn't feel very strong. Lately, I've started thinking about it differently - remembering the pain, but also remembering that it was (slightly) easier to deal with (truly, it was) when it got so overwhelming that all I could do was just let it happen. This might make sense only to me, but it has helped me think about the pain less negatively.

I probably will have another child. At this point, the pain of labor is a minor point in that decision (it will be awful, but it will not last terribly long) - I'm a lot more concerned about parenting a toddler while pregnant and parenting a toddler AND a newborn while recovering from childbirth. The experience of the second will determine if there will be a third.

I hope you can get some help dealing with your psychological reaction to the pain memory. You don't have to forget the pain. You just have to find a way to think about it that won't make you feel horrific every time you think about it, kwim? to you, Caitrin, and to all of you with traumatic birth memories.

ETA: I agree with pp who said you should tell your family quite clearly that talk about forgetting the pain is hurtful to you and that you do not wish to discuss the subject.

I really appreciate this post

-Caitrin

[Celticqueen]

Originally Posted by threadbey

remembering the pain, but also remembering that it was (slightly) easier to deal with (truly, it was) when it got so overwhelming that all I could do was just let it happen.

I have actually been thinking about that quite a bit lately and you articulated it SO WELL- thank you

What a great way to put it for those of us who still remember the pain!

I have wondered and wondered (since I want to get pregnant in a few months)- WOULD IT INDEED help the pain if, when I was feeling overwhelmed to an utterly high extent, I just "let it happen"? (aka "surrendering"?)

I don't know the answer to this question but I do know it will be extremely hard to "surrender" and "let it happen".

During my labor, my doula said, "Don't fight the contractions!" and I actually said, "But I WANT to fight the contractions!!"



Hopefully, I'll learn not to.

-Caitrin