Long-term nursing mamas: Do you have a limit? - Page 2

[ani'smommy]

Originally Posted by Britishmum

For me, it ws nothing to do with age, it was to do with tandeming. I was one of those who found tandeming unbelievably difficult. I can't describe the feeling. I did it for a year, then weaned as gently as I could. If I hadn't had the baby each time, I would have been fine to CLW.

I guess when I have my final baby I'll find out if there's an age that's 'too old' for me personally.

Yep, that's how I feel, too. I can't believe how hard tandeming is. If you think nursing through pregnancy is hard, you ain't seen nothing yet. :

[pinky]

Originally Posted by TiredX2

If I were you, I wouldn't worry about it at this point. Two years is a REALLY long time. You might change your view, she might change her mind, I don't think you can even predict it.

ITA. When my dd was 4, I couldn't imagine her voluntarily giving up nursing. But she did sometime after 5; we officially celebrated her weaning at 5.5.

Honestly, I'd just focus on your nursing relationship and how it's working now. There's no predicting how either of you will feel about things in the future, so I wouldn't spend your energy stressing over it.

And, FWIW, in my IRL community of extending nursing mamas, the range of self-weaning was from about 3-6.

[DBZ]

Originally Posted by Meiri

I don't know if I'd've had to consider an absolute limit. Even as she reached 7, DD was so obviously slowing to the point of "any time could be the last" that I just didn't worry about it.

Your DD nursed till 7?! You are officially the longest nursing pair I've ever "met".

[aran]

Originally Posted by ani'smommy

DD will be 3 in December and DS will be four weeks on Saturday. It was my goal to nurse Ani until she was two. That was no problem. I nurse through pregnancy although it was painful and sometimes had to cut nursing sessions short because of the pain.

Since DS was born, I just can't stand nursing DD. It feels very very wrong to me to nurse her. I'm certainly not saying that this is true for everyone, but much to my suprise it does not feel at all natural to be nursing both kids. We night weaned Ani about two months ago and she didn't complain a bit. It was no problem.

Now I will nurse Ani in the morning when she wakes up, goes down for a nap and goes to sleep at night. That is all I can handle. And really, it is easier for Anneke, too, to know when she can expect it. (I just started limiting this this week, before I was nursing her whenever I thought I could stand it.) I had to tell her no more than I wanted to and it really really upset her and me. It is much much easier for everyone right now for her to know when she can expect to nurse.

I know this won't be popular in the CLW forum, and I'm kind of sad to not be a CLW-er, but this has been our experience.

This is us to a T! Exactly! :

[astrophe27]

5 years, grade K is my limit. We're at 3 years, 7 mos now, so I've got a while, and I secretly hope she gives it up before my limit on her own so I don't have to start with mother-led techniques.

We've had a lovely nursing relationship so far, and I'm hoping for a nice, gentle, conclusion.

A.

[water]

5 was my limit. My DS hit five, I had been tandem nursing for almost two years, and I was done.

It was a very easy weaning though! We sat down and I said, "honey I need to be done, I know you will be a little sad but it will be ok." And he said "Ok" and that was basically it. He was sad a few times and he says he still wishes he could nurse (he is 6 now) but he is ok with not nursing.

Interestingly, I do wish I had not tandem nursed for so long because I am DONE DONE nursing now, but my almost 3yo is not. I am going to wean her at 3, which at one point I would have felt horrible for, but I am sooooooooo done that it is one of those my needs trump all situations.

If I had weaned my ds a little earlier, like 4 or 4.5, I think I would not be so desperate to wean my DD. Oh well.

[Britishmum]

Originally Posted by water

Interestingly, I do wish I had not tandem nursed for so long because I am DONE DONE nursing now,

This is rather like how I feel. I'm sure that tandeming was good for my children, but I"m not sure if it was good long term for my nursing relationships with them and with subsequent babies. I won't wean because I believe that I should keep going as long as possible, but even the thought of tandeming makes my toes curl.

I think that this is one of those things that is largely unspoken. It made it very hard for me to come to terms with my own feelings when I started tandeming, and I wish I'd known what I might expect before I made the choice to nurse through and beyond pregnancy. At that point, I"d never read anyone here admit that tandeming wasn't anything but wonderful, so it was a total shock to me. It's a relief to read people's stories here now and see that I was not some freakish and selfish mother for not loving every minute.

[~PurityLake~]

My oldest nursling is 28 months.

I really haven't given much thought to when I may quit nursing her.

Sometimes my mom asks me when I plan to quit nursing, and my only answer has been when she is ready to stop.

I've been asked by my SIL if I'll stop nursing before Abigail goes to school.

I told her I don't know, I assume she won't be nursing while she's in school, but she may still be having a nightcap.

[artgoddess]

Don't be surprised if pregnancy and having a baby slows her down. My son showed no signs of slowing when I became pregnant, nursed as usual up until I was about 5 or 6 months along, and he was about 39 or 40 months. Then he slowed down to just before bed and in the mornings when he woke up. It seemed to happen all of the sudden like that. Then my milk dried up, or turned to colostrum at the least, and he all but stopped by the time the baby came. He was down to once every few days just for a 2 second check in.

His sister was born 2 weeks ago and our rule is that the baby gets to nurse first, and he can nurse when she is done. Which he asks to do a few times a day however usually will become involved in something else and forget about nursing by the time it's his turn. So we only nurse once or twice a day now. I think that it is just reassuring enough for him sometimes to hear me say "Of course you can have some mama milk honey, just as soon as your sister is done nursing you can have some." always letting him know that it is okay for him to nurse, seems to be what he really needs.

[MamaAllNatural]

I tandemed for 2.5 years until my dd self weaned at 5. I think it helped a lot because it was such an easy way to reassure her and let her know that I was still there for her and she was not jealous of the baby. Also, I could just lay down sometimes when I was really tired and relax while they nursed. I even tandem NAKed. All highly convenient.

My current nursling has just turned four and he definitely still needs it (though it's usually only once or twice a day at this point). I'm not sure what my cut off age is. I hope I don't have one but I really wouldn't know until I got there, right?

For your situation, it sounds like you're willing to tandem so I really wouldn't worry about it for now. I'd just plan on tandeming and letting her self-wean and then see where you guys are when she's getting closer to your cut off age.

[Tapioca]

I don't necessarily have an age limit, but I've been gradually putting limits on my DD's nursing anyway. She's 3.3 now, but she's been slowly cutting back and I've been encouraging it. At this point we sometimes nurse 2x a day, sometimes less. I nightweaned her at over 2 and a half - so done with it at that point. As far as I'm concerned, if my body tells me it's time for a change, that's a sign I should listen to.

I feel like we're doing a slow, mutual weaning. I don't really believe in CLW, though, for myself - full disclosure. I was not comfortable letting DD decide alone as it's my body too and we are in a relationship. The weaning involved me gradually (like, over months) reducing the frequency of nursing during the day, and watching for signs of trauma. So far, so good. She's also had a couple of trips away from me. I see that psychologically, she doesn't NEED it the way she needed it at 2, so I'm comfortable with that. It's more just a love thing for her at this point, which is fine. But every kid is different.

If she's still nursing occasionally at 5, that would be okay with me. If she was nursing 3x or more a day at 5? Different story!

[WannabeaFarmer]

Well I hate to say it, but to avoid any more incredibly uncomfortable discussions with people outside my family, we have limited DD's nursings when we are guests in peoples houses. Other than that she gets to nurse when she wants which really is only at nap and bed time....sadly it feels liek she will be done in the near future. I am offering all the time to let her know its still there but not forcing the nursing sessions on her if she really truly doesnt want it.
I always tell people that I want to nurse her till she is ready to be done.

[katiecat]

I don't have a limit, never did. DS was 5 in May and still nurses but it is now down to...well maybe once or twice a week. At 5 years old he was still nursing everyday, sometimes twice a day so this is still fairly new to me (I mean for him to be going days without nursing).

I always figured he'd stop when he was ready and so far it's been very peaceful and effortless on my part. Not that we never went through any difficult times but those seem so long ago now.

[BlueStateMama]

I don't know. In the past when I thought I had a limit, once I got there, I saw no reason to stop. My personal minimum was/is two years, and DD was 2in April and shows no sign of slowing down and I'm cool with that. I think I may try (gently, obviously) encourage weaning sometime between 3 and 4, but I'm not there yet. I'll be sad when she stops - she's probably my last and I'll mourn the nursing days.

Who knows, watch me be posting about my nursling leaving for college someday!

[momuveight2B]

No..but my teenagers haven't asked yet. They seem to be long done by the time they start first grade.

[Meiri]

No..but my teenagers haven't asked yet.

Smart alec!

[ThatCrazyLady]

Like a lot of the other moms have said, I didn't at first anticipate nursing my two weaned children as long as I did. My DD stopped her once or twice a week nursings at seven, and it took me a couple weeks to realize she'd finished. Her brother finished a few months later, at 4 1/2. As time went on, I at times had those "Ick, get this huge child off me" feelings, but tried to look at it from my children's point of view: why would right now not be ok when the last time (and probably the next) were fine, maybe even encouraged by mom when they needed help going to sleep, recovering from a physical or emotional wound, etc.?

Besides, really little children never write a story entitled, "I'm the only one in kindergarten who nurses on Mommy's breasts."

[Juvysen]

Oh thank goodness I'm not the only one who has had issues w/tandem nursing. I totally understand the feeling of being "DONE DONE" although I'm not there yet. *sigh* Hope I don't get there too soon.

[Swandira]

Originally Posted by DBZ

Your DD nursed till 7?! You are officially the longest nursing pair I've ever "met".

I met a lady in person who nursed her kids until they weaned together at 7 and 10 years old.

Nealy
Tandem-nursing mama to Thales, 4 1/2, and Lydia, 18 months

[gwynthfair]

My DD is only a year. When I got pregnant unexpectedly, my midwife asked if I was going to nurse, and I was like "yeah...I guess." And I asked how long I had to do it for and she said 1 year. And at that time that seemed like SUCH A LONG TIME!

But then I came on MDC and read some books and stuff and learned about CLW. So now I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping to get to 2 without her prematurely weaning. After that, we'll just have to see. I'd like to do CLW, but if I start to feel resentful I will work with her to wean. We'll just see how it goes.