Long-term nursing mamas: Do you have a limit? - Page 3

[Meredith&Alexander]

I might, but I haven't reached it yet.

Alexander will be four in six weeks, and I know I'm fine with four. I'll cross all other bridges when I come to them!

[LearningALot]

My DD is now 2 years old and nurses frequently. I am trying to keep my heart and mind open and plan to wean her when she is ready, no matter what age that is. I, personally, right now, don't have a limit in mind. If I had an upper limit, it would only be because this culture is so judgmental of extended nursing, and I am sometimes overly concerned about what others think.

Right now I love nursing her and she seems to need it so much. As my DD gets older, if I experienced any discomfort about continuing to nurse her, I would need to sort out whether it was coming from my own personal limits or from outside pressure. I admire all of the CLW mothers in this forum, especially the tandeming mothers and hope to honor my sweet child as they have theirs.

[PGTlatte]

DS1 weaned just after his 4th bday. It was mostly CLW, but there was definitely encouragement from me. I never had a limit in mind, I just decided I would know if I reached a point when I was done. And I did. By his 4th bday, I really felt done nursing him and hoped he would be done soon, and he was. With DS2, I am honestly not sure I want him to nurse until 4,and I kind of think he won't, that he will be done earlier than DS1 was. Nursing DS1 as a 4-yo is an experience that I'm glad we had together, but not necessarily one that I am hoping to have again. DS2 will be two next week. I'm going to go again with no plan, but by how I feel. I think he might be done before I'm there though.

Originally Posted by thismama

I'm posting this here because I don't want to hear from the "Not nursing after age 2" crowd. Hope it's cool.

So, do you have a limit? An age past which you don't want to nurse?

[mom2tig99Nroo03]

right now, my limit is sh9ortly after 5 yrs., ask me again when dd turns 5 though.

Originally Posted by aran

When they do nurse at the same time, he holds DS2's hand and rubs his fuzzy little head

i very fondly remember ds and dd holding hands while they nursed together.

Originally Posted by BlueStateMama

I don't know. In the past when I thought I had a limit, once I got there, I saw no reason to stop. My personal minimum was/is two years

that's me. before i had tig, i was gonna bf for 6 weeks. i wound up nursing till he clw at 5 yrs, 1 month.

thinking of *me* nursing a 6 or 7 year old gives me the willies just a little, but i is likely just cause i havent done it yet.

with the oldest nursign for even a whole year seems crazy though- until we were at a year and still going.

Originally Posted by ThatCrazyLady

Like a lot of the other moms have said, I didn't at first anticipate nursing my two weaned children as long as I did. My DD stopped her once or twice a week nursings at seven, and it took me a couple weeks to realize she'd finished. Her brother finished a few months later, at 4 1/2. As time went on, I at times had those "Ick, get this huge child off me" feelings, but tried to look at it from my children's point of view: why would right now not be ok when the last time (and probably the next) were fine, maybe even encouraged by mom when they needed help going to sleep, recovering from a physical or emotional wound, etc.?

Besides, really little children never write a story entitled, "I'm the only one in kindergarten who nurses on Mommy's breasts."

about the book.

[momuveight2B]

I'm glad that I didn't have a limit. Right now I am exclusively pumping for my new baby, never thought I would be in that camp but here I am and I am still nursing dd. Her nursing got me through a very difficult postpartum time when I was finding it hard to pump and the NICU stay. She helped me establish a fantastic milk supply for her new brother. I do hope he will eventually be able to nurse but for now I am thrilled that he is getting 100%bm and I have a huge freezer stash too.

You never know what a valuable resource nursing is until you hit a crisis.

[SereneBabe]

Maya turned 4 in July and she's still going strong. But, I'm really starting to feel like I'm going to encourage her to cut back. Invite her to find other snuggles she loves, etc. I'll still follow her lead, and in her way, she'll show very few signs of being ready to stop until she stops.

It's only recently that I've sort of looked at her and thought, "holy buckets, you are a BIG girl!" (She's in the 5th percentile for height & weight so it's been really easy to still see her as LITTLE.)

Not that big girls can't nurse, but, that I want to be sure she knows she'll be okay without nursing.

We won't address the issue, though, until she's really settled in school. She just started a couple mornings a week and I don't want to push too much change on her at once.

So, no limits in my mind, but I am leaning in the direction of hoping she'll stop on her own in the next... um... 6 months? year?

--Heather

[zmom]

I always said (before DD was born) that 3 years old was my limit. DD had her 3rd birthday in August and she's still nursing strong and we have no desire to stop. At this point, I can't fathom that either of us will still want to nurse at 5 or 6 but I guess um, never say never is the lesson that I've learned!

[hottmama]

Originally Posted by water

5 was my limit. My DS hit five, I had been tandem nursing for almost two years, and I was done.

It was a very easy weaning though! We sat down and I said, "honey I need to be done, I know you will be a little sad but it will be ok." And he said "Ok" and that was basically it. He was sad a few times and he says he still wishes he could nurse (he is 6 now) but he is ok with not nursing.

Interestingly, I do wish I had not tandem nursed for so long because I am DONE DONE nursing now, but my almost 3yo is not. I am going to wean her at 3, which at one point I would have felt horrible for, but I am sooooooooo done that it is one of those my needs trump all situations.

If I had weaned my ds a little earlier, like 4 or 4.5, I think I would not be so desperate to wean my DD. Oh well.

Wow, this is exactly how I feel... I posted about it in the BBI forum because I don't think it's CLW-appropriate, but maybe it is. I'm tandeming my kids who will be 2 and 5 in December/January. I am feeling super done with nursing and I feel like my youngest is going to get shorted because I was so committed to CLW with my oldest. I've been trying to encourage him to wean since he turned 4, and he's not having it. My newest technique is giving up and letting him nurse on demand, but I don't know if that'll work with a kindergarten aged nursling.

I don't think I'll be able to nurse my youngest until he's 5, and I feel bad that he's going to get less than his brother just because he was born second and 2+ yrs. of tandeming (and the horror of nursing through pregnancy) wore me out.

[thismama]

Thanks for this really interesting discussion mamas! I'm particularly resonating with the "why worry about it now" comments, and OTOH also with the "I wish I had limited (especially re: tandeming) coz now I'm DONE."

I don't want to be DONE, all caps, yk? Especially not with another infant on the way! I'm not feeling that now, although I worry that if I do, right after a new baby arrives will not be a good time to cut DD off the sauce.

I mean, I've set it up now, I've told her that when the baby comes they can share nursing, that the new baby will nurse first but DD can still nurse. So... I'm pretty committed, she doesn't forget that kind of thing.

But man, I don't want to burn out. Honestly for me a lot of it is social pressure, she is the oldest nursling in our social circle, and I know a lot of ppl would love it if I stopped nursing her. It's weird in public (I've started putting limits on that but she will still sometimes ask, loudly), I think her Dad is jealous, my childless housemate and my ex-gf disapprove. That kind of thing.

Apart from that stuff, and sometimes feeling touched out, I still love nursing her. And man it comes in handy! We were out at the pub last night, I met DD and her dad there, and she wanted all my attention. But whip out the boob and suddenly she is occupied, on the way to falling asleep, and I can have adult conversation. I think still it has more plusses for *me* than negatives. And certainly she is still really, really attached to nursing.

Sometimes I wonder if it will ever end though. Okay, a lot I wonder that. I can't nurse beyond 5.5, myself, just too socially difficult. And even that is pushing it right to the very edge, for me.

[Ruthla]

I went through the EXACT same feelings when DS was "almost 4". I set some major limits on his nursing at that time- I was feeling like nursing was too much and he was quite ready to accept those limits. If he hadn't accepted the limits easily, I would have backed off.

In our case, I changed it to "only nursing in bed." This kept the bedtime nursing and the first nursing in the morning (aka breastfast) intact, as well as meeting his needs during the night. He'd mostly nightweaned (on his own) at that point anyway- only waking to nurse a few times a month. This pretty much cut daytime nursings out completely, except when he got sick and we snuggled in bed during the daytime.

For the most part "nursing only in bed" meant 2 nursings a day. Then it dropped down to one a day- he'd alternate between bedtime and waking up, he didn't give up one before the other. Then it was one nursing every 2 days for a few weeks, and then he was done. He was 4 1/4 at the time.

If you're starting to feel "touched out" or internal feelings of nursing not feeling good to you, then set limits that make sense to you and your DD. It certainly doesn't sound like she's ready for the "only nursing in bed" rule that I placed on DS at that age- but she may be ready for the "only nursing at home" rule that I implemented when DS was around 3.

Or maybe nothing that formal, but just feel freer about saying "no" when you just don't feel like nursing at that moment. Or offer other foods/drinks/snuggles when she asks to nurse, and only nurse when the alternatives dont' satisfy her after a minute or two. Or just keep on completely following her lead if that feels right.

[SereneBabe]

yeah, I'm really surprised at how frequently Maya will say yes to a snack or drink when she's asking me to nurse... we start nursing, I'm not in the mood, and it occurs to me she might just be hungry.

sometimes she says no, that she just wants the snuggles of the nursing.

--Heather

[christinelin]

Originally Posted by Meredith&Alexander

I might, but I haven't reached it yet.

Alexander will be four in six weeks, and I know I'm fine with four. I'll cross all other bridges when I come to them!

I am sort of here, too. My older nursling is almost 4 1/2. I don't really like nursing, but I don't hate it and when I tried to put more strigent limits on him, we ended up with constant battles. I decided that I wanted him to remember nursing positively and that he will wean someday. I can't imagine nursing at 6, let's say, but I know I couldn't imagine 4 either and here we are.

Tandeming does make it harder (my younger nursling is 2 1/4). It's easy to get touched out.

[PGTlatte]

I feel kind of like this too. I am not sure I will be willing to go as far with DS2 as I was with DS1. DS1 weaned just after his 4th bday after tandeming for 1.5 yrs with DS2. With DS1 I could say we "co-weaned" because it wasn't entirely CLW but I was limiting nursing as I saw he was ready to handle the limits and he eventually weaned that way. Now DS2 is turning two TOMORROW (HAPPY BDAY LITLE MAN !!!) and I have already been putting way more limits on his nursing than I ever did with DS1 at this age...part of that is DS1 had some severe health and emotional stuff going on and I think DS2 just doesn't need it to be on-demand as much as DS1 did, and part of it is that I know if I don't limit nursing now so that I can be ok with it, I will burn out. Sometimes I worry that the limits I put on DS2 now will lead to him weaning so quickly it will just surprise me one day, and then I will be sad and feel like I pushed him into it. But I also know that when he's done, although I probably will be sad and wish I could go back in time for just one day to experience nursing him again, I will be pleased that nursing was part of my life for over 4.5 yrs. For now I'm going to allow myself to set the limits I need to set but still TREASURE the moments.

Originally Posted by hottmama

I am feeling super done with nursing and I feel like my youngest is going to get shorted because I was so committed to CLW with my oldest.

[uzra_hashmi@rediff]

I have not set any limits. I belong to a family where extended nursing and CLW are considered normal and are welcome. I regard my children as extensions of my body and self. I won't mind if my children nurse even at grown up ages. God will be really kind to me if I am in a position to do the needful even at that age.
Uzra

[LiamsMommy]

hm

Well my ds nursed until just before his third birthday. I never really knew when I wanted to stop. Of course in the beggining i figured by 12 months he'd be ready. Then I was introduced to LLL and everything changed. I was ok with him nursing longer he needed to. He always nursed anywhere from 2-6 times per night.
My ex and I were separated when ds was only 6 months old.

Anyway I just though to myself I do it as long as I can. The lst few months he would only nurse at bedtime and during the night. I was not able to sleep he was keeping m e up all night and basically using me as a pacifier. i felt bad but one night I couldn't take it anymore. I told him it's all gone and I just telling him that. He stopped asking. Of course he asked a few weeks later then a few months later.

I think the bottom line is when you are ready you will know. I had tried to wean my my ds before and it was not time. He freaked when I told him it was all gone ( he was 2) so we went another year.

[KirstenMary]

Jordan is four, and she nurses in the morning before I go to work and then in the evening when I get home. Right now, we are still CLWing, but ask me again in a month, and I might give a different answer, lol.

Oh, and I am also nursing her 16 m/o sister.

[ameliabedelia]

For me, it ws nothing to do with age, it was to do with tandeming. I was one of those who found tandeming unbelievably difficult. I can't describe the feeling. I did it for a year, then weaned as gently as I could. If I hadn't had the baby each time, I would have been fine to CLW.

I guess when I have my final baby I'll find out if there's an age that's 'too old' for me personally

:

Except I only was able to "freely" tandem nurse dd1 and dd2 for 3 weeks before I hit a wall and COULD NOT do it anymore. Then I cut dd1 down to 3 times/day....then 2 then she just dopped to 1x/day. She continud nursing 1x/day for another 10 months and totally weaned when dd2 was 11 months old. She was 3 years and 7 months old at that time.

Now, I am 17 weeks pregnant again, and dd2 has dropped down to only nursing 1x/day before bed. I absolutely WILL NOT nurse her more, and if she doens't wean completely before baby #3 is born then she will only be nursing 1x/day. Dd2 will be 3 in a few weeks and will be 3 years anre 4/5 months when baby is born.

We would like to have 4 or 5 children total, so I guess I will see what my limit is when the last one is born. However, I do not plan to tandem again (aside from maybe 1x/day for the older one)...unless in the future I have closely spaced children (get pregnant before 20 months or so), as I wouldn't want to wean before 2 years.

[funkygranolamama]

I haven't set a limit, but I plan on CLW. I don't know how I would feel, though if he was still nursing at 5 yo. He's just over 3 right now, and for now that's okay. I have a friend who nursed twins until they were 5 and I think that's awesome.

[BetsyPage]

I don't have a "limit"- I've gone much further than I have *imagined* though. I'm not going to look ahead, because I know it'll be over before I know it and I'll miss it one day.

I do want to say that it is easier, for me, to have an almost 4 yo nursling than a 2 yo nursling. She just doesn't nurse that much, and the *benefit* that I get is definitely worth it! She nurses before bed, it helps her transition to sleep (she doesn't nurse to sleep like she used to though.) She nurses when she wakes up, which is good because she has always been a GRUMP in the morning and it does help. She nurses occassionally for comfort, which is good, because it does help her feel better!

The way I look at it, she still needs it now. She's a very intelligent, verbal child who is all too quickly leaving the habits of babyhood and toddlerhood behind. Really, nursing is the last thing remaining from that period. I am willing to keep that connection, which is a positive thing in our relationship, as long as it is needed. And I know she won't always need or want to nurse. And it helps *me* remember that though at times she seems oh so big that really, she *is* still little...

[jillmamma]

No magical number for age limit, but just respecting the feelings of both of us. I was getting that "creepy crawly" feeling when he nursed right when he turned 4.5, so I started pushing alternatives more, and saying no more often. Now he is mostly weaned (once a week or less), so I don't mind once in awhile, but the twice a day was getting to me, especially since I am still nursing his 2 year old sister 3-4 times a day too. If he had seemed especially sad or needy, I would consider his feelings and nurse more often again. But he has taken to not nursing much at all anymore pretty well, so I think he was ready, but needed a bit of a push.