New School policy

[Aeress]

Hi! I was just informed of a new policy that went into effect at my local elementary school. The school will no longer allow parents to walk their child to class.

I am attending a meeting concerning this issue but here is a letter I drafted (my dh is going over it for spelling/grammar). I am appauled by their decision.

Comments?



As some of our friends and colleagues are aware, we have chosen to keep Isabella (5.5) home for her kindergarten year. While many may not know the reasoning behind this decision, it has little to do with our confidence in the Wheelock Staff and more to do with our rights as her parents. However, this doesn't imply that we are not involved in the school district, or wish to remain outside the realm of public education. Isabella attended Pre-K last year and we felt the experience was very positive for Bella and we will send our three year old next Semptember as well as the new baby when the time comes.

I received information regarding Wheelock's new policy this morning and frankly I am appalled. This new policy claims to be in the name of safety but as a parent, I feel the policy is not FAMILY FRIENDLY. As a parent, we are asked to turn over the care and education of our children to a teacher who we have only briefly met. Trust can not be established in one or two short meetings with a teacher. However, with each encounter with the teacher a parent can begin to form a relationship with the teacher, staff and school. As an early childhood professional I believe that relationships, trust and empathy are the key components to creating a love of learning. We can not expect parents to build trust without being allowed into the building where their child is attending.

In all reality a child who is five years old is still very young. Young children need to know that their parent will protect them and care for them. Imagine being five years old, scared, nervous and unsure of this new thing called school. How would you feel? How would you feel if you were asked to leave the safety of your parent to go to a stranger? How would you feel if after only two days your safety net was pulled out from under you as you are asked to leave your Mom or Dad standing on the sidewalk to walk into a building where you knew no one? Very few five year olds are capable of handling such a large transition. While the child may not cry, that doesn't mean that they are feeling secure. The child will tell the parent when they are ready to say goodbye.

As parents, we are very concerned about the effects of this new policy on our children's emotional development

[UUMom]

I woud leave out the how would you feel parts, and focus on the need to build trust and community within the school, and among families.

[Meli65]

I think it's a good letter overall and you make some excellent points -- if you're looking for editing ideas, I would trim it down considerably (maybe half as long) and try to make it a little less emotional, more like a "letter to the editor." Good luck, and good for you!

[Aeress]

This letter is going out as is , with grammar/spelling checked,to a listserv that my hubby is part of. (it is for people who work at our local college)

I will then take out the more personal/emotional stuff for the meeting and add some data/stats that I have concerning parent friendly schools and policies.

I wondered if anyone has experience with this type of policy?

[Imvishta]

We're being told to do this for my 28-month-old who has attended just one day so far where we walked him in. (A two-day-a-week program for three hours a morning.) He does not have trouble separating because he's been in therapy since the age of four months, but I still walk him in there. I feel like I have not gotten to know this school at all, and now will be handing him over in the mornings. His second day, the first day of handing him over, is to be next week, and I'm just not sure yet if he's going back. (This whole preschool idea really wasn't my idea in the first place anyway.)

[Ruthla]

Where I sent my DS for preschool, they had the parents walk them in for the first week or so, and then they implimented "kiss and ride." This means that parents are able to drop their kids off by the front door while a teacher walks them into the classroom, and if you want to walk your child all the way in, you need to park so you're not blocking the "kiss and ride" lane.

I'm not sure how the school works it for Kindy and up though. My kids have all gone on a school bus starting in Kindergarten and I never felt the need to walk them into their classrooms at that point.

I would have a huge problem if a 2yo program didn't allow me to walk my child into the classroom, and I'd consider pulling my child from the program if he or she wasn't ready for that step- what else might they push my child to do before he or she is ready?

But with older kids, I'm not sure how I feel about the policy. If I had a child with special needs who really NEEDED me to walk him or her into the classroom at that point, I'd talk to the principal and/or the classroom teacher to see about making an exception to the rule for my child, or to come up with something else agreeable to everybody. Could there be a specific teacher that my child knows who always brings him or her from the doorway to the classroom?

[crittersmom]

My son has only been going to his school for 2 weeks and the school has been in session since July.They just sent us a letter saying that we need to have our children learn to be more independent and rather than wait with them outside the classroom until school starts to just drop them off and say goodbye outside the building.If we did not feel we trusted the staff to take care of our children we could wait until 7:45 and walk them in as the students are going inside.
I do not feel comfortable just dropping DS off at the door either.He has asked me to stay and until HE says he does not need me I (and my 3 others) will wait with him.I am able to walk him to school and make sure that he gets in the door.I feel that 5 years is too young to be left alone even in the hallway outside his classroom.I also want the teacher to see that I am there.

[prettymom]

Originally Posted by crittersmom

My son has only been going to his school for 2 weeks and the school has been in session since July.They just sent us a letter saying that we need to have our children learn to be more independent and rather than wait with them outside the classroom until school starts to just drop them off and say goodbye outside the building.If we did not feel we trusted the staff to take care of our children we could wait until 7:45 and walk them in as the students are going inside.
I do not feel comfortable just dropping DS off at the door either.He has asked me to stay and until HE says he does not need me I (and my 3 others) will wait with him.I am able to walk him to school and make sure that he gets in the door.I feel that 5 years is too young to be left alone even in the hallway outside his classroom.I also want the teacher to see that I am there.

Wow. I would really think that the decision to force independence on a 5-year-old would be the parent's, the school has no place for making that sort for decision. As for the OP, what reasoning do they have for making this decision? I would include their argument in your letter and address points against it directly.

[moondiapers]

I'd let them know that it's my RIGHT AND RESPONSIBILITY to protect my child....and that I would NOT drop and run. I'll hand my child over safely into the direct care of his or her teacher....and they can like it or kiss my white fanny.

[Momily]

Are they asking them to walk in by themselves or with an adult? How much access do you have at other times to the teacher and the classroom.

At the preschool I used to work at a teacher comes to each car, unbuckles the child's carseat and escorts them in -- 3 year olds usually all the way to the classroom, 4 year olds are more likely to say "I want to do it on my own" (there's a teacher standing at the door who can see them the whole way down the hall so they're always supervised). I actually really liked that system because every kid got a little 1:1 attention.

At the school my son went to K in, the PreK/K's got walked to their classroom, but everyone else played on the playground (with their parents supervising) until the bell rang, and then lined up, the teachers picked up the line outside. They dismissed the same way -- you waited on the playground until the line came out. As long as there were other times I felt like I could see the classroom and the teacher was accessible, I would be OK with that, except for the first day when I'd want to go all the way in. You could do that if you walked along with the line.

At my DS's current school parents can drop off on the sidewalk, at the front door, at the door to the stairwell (the elementary kids are all upstairs, middle school's on the first floor), or at the classroom door. They discourage parents above K from going upstairs, because the hallways get really crowded but they don't forbid it. The school is small and nurturing and the halls are full of familiar people, so it didn't really bother me. He was in a carpool with a PreK, K and 1st grader so the mom walked them upstairs until the PreK kid was comfortable and then gradually moved to the stairway, and then to dropping them off from the car.

If they're talking about just dropping them off at the front door of a big school and asking the K kids to find their way down a hallway filled with strangers then no, I wouldn't be comfortable with that.

[mattemma04]

We have this policy at our local school,because the principal stopped me the other week when I was going with ds to his class to get his lunch bag from the other day.He let me go-that time.
I don't like it either but it is the school rules,and we will follow them as long as the kids are in that school.
Best wishes dealing with yours!

[Imvishta]

Well, we did it! We were first in line. In fact, we were the only ones in line for awhile until one other car arrived before three teachers came out to escort our little guy inside. As I mentioned above, he's been good at separating because he's been in therapy since the age of four months, albeit to different degrees of separation, and I'm always there at least watching through a one-way window. We did as suggested in their handout and made sure he was not involved too much in a toy or music that had to be abruptly ended. We just sat and talked. Then, the three women arrived, and my husband and I just reached back to his car seat to "help" unlatch it and talked about seeing his teacher and friends. He did very well, and I hope that when he got inside he went right to playing while waiting for the other children. He's been very good about that in the past, so.... fingers crossed. I can tell you that after my husband got DS up early and fed him breakfast I took him back to bed and said that he was not going! The original plan was for DH to take DS on his way to work, as it's on the way, but I went with him and then he brought me home. No way could I just not go at all. I think being first in line could be the key for awhile until he gets used to it.

This is a situation where the teachers escort the children into their classroom, and as another poster or two asked the original poster, that might not be the case in her situation. When I did visit I noticed that all of the children seemed very happy as they entered the school. The classrooms are right as you enter the door (which is then locked throughout the day, with a bell we can ring if we want to visit) so they alternate bringing them in and then sending them off straight to their door as they watch. Meaning, there is someone inside like a hall monitor greeting them. So, I was worried enough in our situation, I don't know what I would do if he (even older) were told to walk in and down corridors or up stairs alone.

I really can't remember what I did as a child. I do remember my first grade classroom was pretty much right as you came in the front door, so it's likely after we were acclimated that we went in alone and walked to that door alone. I was five then. Second grade was upstairs and I don't remember how I got there, but no trauma whatever we did. So, that's the key, I think. How the child feels. Because... third grade my parents moved us across town, I switched schools, rode the bus and it changed my life. I can still remember just being completely dressed and just sitting on the floor listening to the bus blow the horn and not going outside. I just did not want to go there anymore. It was just too much too fast for me. That whole experience really changed me. Now that I think about it, why didn't my parents just send me back to my old school across town? I hated my new school. Hated it. Had friends. Ironically, even was chosen to be "the face" of the elementary school on the school's pamphlet!! Still, hated it.

I guess that's why I'm so sensitive to how this experience could affect my child, and I think everyone should be about their own child, too. Raising an autonomous, self-disciplined child (among other things, but those I associate a great deal with this issue) is important to me, but I do not want him to feel fear or shame for things he shouldn't. It's such a fine line deciding whether to "push" a child to see if they can do it and protecting them.

I also agree with Brendon (original poster) about this type of policy being not family friendly. I have not met any parent from my child's class and wonder when I will. If I were taking him in every morning we would at least have a few moments to chat there or perhaps in the parking lot after leaving, them maybe, "Hey, let's go get a cup of coffee." Our school does have an open door policy, but that is not the same as the type of policy that would foster relationships among the families of the children in the class if we had more contact. Guess I'll be signing-up for working on parties a lot for that very reason.

I hope it goes well for you, Brendon. I told my husband that I remember in first grade (we were younger then; I was 5 and my friends 6) that we all were very happy to be there, but the one person who cried was the strongest, most athletic, and so on, friend we had. Reason? She was placed in the other class while we were all together. So, they moved her. So, it was not upsetting to any of us, yet the one child anyone would have thought would have handled it the best was the one who was upset. You never know. See if they will work with you. And, do what's right for your child.

Best of luck! ~Imvishta

[wifeandmom]

Originally Posted by prettymom

As for the OP, what reasoning do they have for making this decision? I would include their argument in your letter and address points against it directly.

Our school does not allow parents in the building AT ALL without going through the office and having an ID badge with photo printed. Every.single.time.

It is for the students' safety. They do not want adults wandering around the building as they feel the potential for abuse outweighs the potential issues a child might have feeling abandoned by being expected to walk into the building independently.

There simply is not enough time to print ID stickers for 900 parents every morning, so they expect parents to drop their children off at the doors of the school. There are teachers/workers/administrators at each entrance and stationed throughout the hallways, but looking out for 900 elementary students is enough without adding 900 adults to the mix as well.

Personally, I appreciate that no adult can enter the building under any circumstance without showing a vaild ID first. And no adult can have any contact with students in the classroom, lunch room, gym, on field trips, etc without having a current background check on file either. I appreciate that rule even more.