Leave. Me. Alone!!!

[alyrie]

I'm 9 days past my EDD, and believe me...I've tried everything to get this baby out. My parents weren't supportive of a homebirth to begin with, but they came to "accept" it (for lack of a better word) from 38-40 weeks. Now, though, my mom is implying I should go get induced by a "real" health care professional, as being past my EDD just can't be good for the baby. I personally think the EDD is off by a week anyway. She won't come out and say anything, but she calls several times per day and asks "how are you feeling?!" and it ticks me off that if *I* call, she answers within the first 2 rings. I dread talking to her (but I know I have to if I don't want to be paid a visit in person where I can't hang up), because I know she's going to try and bash my MW (who I love!) in some form or fashion.

I've quit answering the phone. Even my best friend who has been so good up until this point is driving me crazy. She called yesterday morning, and I was still asleep, so I called her back after my appointment with my midwife, and she answered (immediately following ring #1) with "did you have her?!" So...not talking to her again until baby is out. My mom and my sister both griped at me for not answering my phone when others call (I answer for both of them), because now they get all the phone calls and *they* are irritated. I really couldn't give a flying **** (no, I didn't type what you think I did, but I wanted to).

My husband who has been by my side through all this is starting in on me. His co-workers are driving him up the wall and he doesn't want to go back without baby news. The other day, he said "so, are you going to get your membranes stripped this week or are you going to chicken out again? You really should have had her by now." Backstory, I was only 40 weeks and didn't think it was necessary at the time. Now he's saying if I don't have her soon, I'm going to need a c-section. WTF? I measured yesterday (41w1d) at 40 weeks...my MW is not concerned, and neither am I.

Even online, people are being so inconsiderate and nosey/pushy (email, myspace, facebook, etc). I can't even come here to get away from everything that's going on IRL for the same crap happening. "Have you had her yet?" and "What's taking so long?"

I seriously thought today about who I could go and stay with who wouldn't treat me like a time bomb. When I realized the answer is "no one"...I seriously thought about going and getting a hotel room until the whole ordeal is over with, but I don't want a missing persons report filed, kwim?

I know I probably sound like a raving lunatic, and quite frankly...I am at this point.

I just want to be left alone!!!!!

[debra_lea]

Oh Allison, I feel for you. I haven't even hit my due date yet (which is tomorrow), but it has started. The best advice I can give you - come up with a FIRM party line and stick to it. Use your online sources to your advantage- stick up the same line in your profile and on your answering machine.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm, but the baby will come when she is ready. I will let you know as soon as I know! Right now I need to stay focused, healthy, and relaxed. "

[Plaid Leopard]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with that. I agree with Debra-lea- put a message on your machine saying that you are resting up for the big event, everything is fine and you will call as soon as baby is here.
My due date is in 5 days, and I've had 3 neighbors ask when the baby is coming, but luckily my friends and family know to leave me alone. Well, my mom calls a lot but she just asks how I am. I say I'm grumpy and then we talk about other things, or about me being grumpy

I hope you can have a peaceful last few days of your pregnancy.

Sending you many hugs and labor vibes!

[alyrie]

I don't have voice mail. : I've told everyone more than once that I would call as soon as I had any news, but that only kept phone calls at bay for *maybe* 2 days. I've placed disclaimers on myspace and facebook, but that still doesn't keep anyone from thinking they're the "special" one who will call the second my water breaks or something.

[IntuitiveJamie]

Oh wow, I am so annoyed for you!! How lame everyone one is being. People need to get a grip, really!! I can totally understand why you are having thoughts of running away until this baby comes. All I can offer is and please feel free to gripe her anytime. That's what we're here for.
I'm also sending you labor vibes

[gizzyntaz]

Repeat after me, "BABIES COME WHEN THEY ARE READY!" And then repeat this over and over and over to the busybodies...

We live in a society where everyone expects babies to come early, and everyone is up for one cascading intervention after another.

You are absolutely doing the right thing by giving your baby all the time it needs in the womb. The patience you are exhibiting now is a testament to the wonderful mother you are about to become.

I have lived in your shoes (my son was born at 42w5d) and am so dreading it again (I'm now officially "overdue"). I just keep telling people that "babies come when they are ready" - foreign concept to many, but I'm confident in my decisions.

[alyrie]

I really meant for this just to be a big fat rant. Thank you so much for your replies and labor vibes .

I really don't feel I'm being all that patient. Aside from injecting myself with pitocin, I've tried everything else. Pit isn't an option for me unless there is a HUGE medical emergency. I'm happy to say that there hasn't been one to report thus far, therefore, baby will stay put.

Something I forgot to add in post #1. I have lost 4lbs in the past week. My MW appointment was really really long (almost 2 hours), and it was completely hectic (she had a mom in labor and was back and forth on the phone with her), so she forgot to weigh me. I asked if I needed to as I was walking out the door and another client was walking in, so she asked me to do it. I did, but totally forgot to tell her so I'll have to tell her when I go back for my (repeat) non-stress test today or Friday. Baby didn't want to cooperate today...belt on, no movement. Belt off, bouncy bouncy, for 45 minutes back and forth.

ANYWAY...I told my mom I had lost 4lbs, and she said "and your PROVIDER isn't concerned about that?" I didn't tell her I weighed myself, so I just told her I was pretty sure it was normal to lose a few lbs right before delivery, not to mention I've been walking 3+ miles a day in addition to walking up/down stairs. "Well *I'VE* never heard anything like that." (she's a nurse).

Since I'm going to be in the office anyway either today or tomorrow for the repeat NST, can I ask for my membranes to be stripped again? Can you do that two days in a row?

EDIT: I say my parents weren't on board for a homebirth until weeks 38-40, because I went through 3 OBs before switching to my MW at 37 weeks, because up until that point the OB and hospital both agreed to honor my birth plan (my OB even signed off on it), but when about 36 and a half weeks rolled around I got a phone call saying "oh...we have a problem with your birth plan, and we can't honor it." And I'm not compromising. My OB wanted to induce at 38 weeks for no reason besides "my, that's a big baby!" (just by feeling my stomach once). I made a big long post about this somewhere...

[beautiful_mama]

yeah this was going to be my advice here:

I've quit answering the phone.

I learned LONG ago that when it comes to the last 3 weeks of pg (and beyond) that you simply do NOT entertain people's issues with needing to know when YOU give birth.

It's really bad when they take on what I have termed *the cervical watch* and wanna know intimate details like how dialated you are, what signs are happening etc...my mom and grandmother are the WORST for that and I actually had a step brother asking once O.o : ....he grosses me out anyway and I finally decided to send out a mutual email saying ...

*dear people.....when I have the baby...YOU'LL GET A PHONE CALL! until then, stop asking*



I think people forget how awful it is at the end and don't think about how YOU are the one who wants baby out more than anyone.

As far as your mom being unsupportive I would simply tell her its not her decision nor is it up for disscussion...period end of story. Thats how I have to handle my mom

[alyrie]

As far as your mom being unsupportive I would simply tell her its not her decision nor is it up for disscussion...period end of story.

lol. I've said this already to her which clammed her up for the 38-40 week marker. That's why I said "for lack of a better word." Now, though, she knows it's not her decision, but she is constantly letting me know how she feels about my decisions (apparently I'm a complete moron who doesn't want what is best for my child, because induction is really the best decision a mother past due can make) and what she would do in my shoes.

Are all pregnancies this horrible at the end or just my first? I keep thinking once I have one baby to look after and keep me busy, the others won't seem so bad. I've already made up my mind that with any and all future pregnancies, we will be telling the family our due date is 2 weeks later than what it originally is. I really wish we would have done that this time.

[sunshine's mama]

I went 12 days past my due date with my first 3.5y ago...and I knew my date based on conception ( we were busy that July and only BD'd once...lol)...

My mom wanted me to an OB for "REAL MEDICAL CARE" too and complained about it through this pregnancy also......drove me crazy....I think it's her age from back when ppl thought MW's were just somebody you took off the street and said, "hey, deliver my baby"

I think we have the same mother......

I didn't even call mine to tell her I was in labor (there wasn't time) bc I wanted her no where near my house or the delivery room bc I fully believed she is the reason my labor with my first stalled (went to the hospital at 5 cm and complete and stayed that way for 10 hours.....within 20 minutes of her leaving I was 10cm and pushing!!!).....heck, I didn't even call her until baby was 6 hours old....I had originally planned on lying (i know i know) and telling her I didn't call bc things happened so fast and such and it ended up being the truth...

I highly suggest putting the message on your machine and then relaxing....baby will come.....mine did when i didn't think she would.....and I walked around at those 5cm and complete for 3 weeks......

and labor blessings to you!!!!!

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

The best I remember before labor starts many woman loose a few pounds. to you it sucks when everyone is giving you a hard time.

[beautiful_mama]

Originally Posted by alyrie

lol. I've said this already to her which clammed her up for the 38-40 week marker. That's why I said "for lack of a better word." Now, though, she knows it's not her decision, but she is constantly letting me know how she feels about my decisions (apparently I'm a complete moron who doesn't want what is best for my child, because induction is really the best decision a mother past due can make) and what she would do in my shoes.

Are all pregnancies this horrible at the end or just my first? I keep thinking once I have one baby to look after and keep me busy, the others won't seem so bad. I've already made up my mind that with any and all future pregnancies, we will be telling the family our due date is 2 weeks later than what it originally is. I really wish we would have done that this time.

Um, yeah it doesn't get any better sweetie

and telling them a *vague* date is MUCH better than an actual date. Matter of fact, my mom just foundout last week that my EDD is the 26th and that is 2 days after my brother's b-day she was surprised it was so close...because I have told people the whole time *end of Sept, but probably that first week of Oct. *

Because like I said, I HATE CERVICAL WATCH

And I wanted toadd,I don't thikn you are in that boat alone...that being your momsharing what *she* would do, I get that from my MIL...alot *rollingmyfreakingeyes*
And my mom as well, but I am 32 and my mom and I have been around the block a time or two with issues like this and for me it has come to the point where I stop her when she says it and the conversatin ends,...and if she can't respect that we can't talk until she can. I love my mom, but her opinion is just that "her opinion"

YOU know what to do with your body...you are getting good care, and if anything comes up that warrants you heading to hospital...you will...RIGHT?
I mean you aren't a moron, you love your baby more than anyone else, why would you put your wishes above her health?

Bless you today I know it's tough...but my advice is...DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE TODAY ( and leave a vmail message that says *we are not in labor but when we are we will be sure and call you FIRST *LOL* please leave your name so we can do so after the beep....BEEEEEEEP!* *ROFLMBO*

and go for a pedicure Having cute toes for labor always makes me VERY happy :

[sunshine's mama]

Roflmao.....

Cervical Watch......

[lactivist]

I am so sorry! I hope you can at least enjoy these last few days when you don't have to share your baby. It really sucks that your husband is also joining the "time bomb" brigade. Sending lots of love your way.
Wendi

[sunshine's mama]

I've lost weight a few weeks or so before each labor and so have most of my friends....a few pounds, nothing major...Now, I am sure if it had been 10+lbs each time my MW would've been worried....

I'm sorry ppl are being so......well, you know, around you right now...esp your mom....

Mine got to the point where when she would ask about an appt I would mention the doc who gave me the US's name bc if I mentioned the MW's name, I would've gotten...real medical care blah blah blah.....

Many hugs and labor blessings..............soon soon soon.....

And yes, if you want them too, you can strip 2 days in a row.....I did with my first thinking that if I was already 5cm and complete, then hey.....it couldn't hurt....I had some cramping but that's it....but you can have them do it and alot of them will, esp if you are over the edd....

[mrsfatty]

When you're not answering your phone, is there a machine that picks up?

You should SO do what I did...see my post about my new message!

[alyrie]

No, I don't have voice mail on my phone.

My sister and I just had a fight. She's the only member of my family I wanted at the birth (aside from Dh of course), but I just got the "what if you go over 42 weeks?" spill. I told her my piece and she said "well, something mom is telling me to watch for and call an ambulance for is if your water breaks and it's green.." I said if there wasn't much, we didn't have to transport. She said "well, that's not what mom said, and I *will* be calling an ambulance." Apparently she thinks my midwife is incapable of doing anything medical, and same for the nurse that will be present.

I am just SO MAD right now...and upset. She griped at me for not answering the phone when family calls for updates, because then they call her and she feels like a last resort. I told her I wasn't going to hoard the baby and that they were stupid if they thought we would, but she said that our parents are really worried they're going to get a phone call 6 hours after the birth. So what if they did? She just went on and on about how "SHE'S" frustrated and how hard it is on her and my mom. I was crying by this point, and couldn't think of what I could say to make her understand she has no idea what I'm going through.

Oh, and my aunt called my sister last night asking "so, are we just going to all be lined up in the driveway or what?"

My sister kept saying "they're not doing it to piss you off...they are just concerned." Yea, I know that, but annoying the fire out of me on a daily basis isn't making her come faster.

I want to move really really far away. : : :

As for cervical watch, I just say "no progress". Not true, but it's no one's damn business.

[mrsfatty]

Allison!

Did you uninvite your sister to your birth then?

[alyrie]

We had a small chat today, and we'll have another one tomorrow. We're on much better terms now, as are Dh and I.

I drove up to my mom's work today to deliver a belated bday present, and ended up staying with her through dinner. She called me on her way home, and I told her I was aware that she and dad were worried I was going to just have the baby and not tell her. I know a lot of you are saying to not tell her, but this is her first grandbaby, and I know she would be heartbroken if I didn't at least call and say "in labor" *click*. Which at this point...I've decided we're not calling my sister or any other family until I'm really really far along.

I told my mom that I did not want my brand new baby passed around like a hot potato, and not everyone would be getting to hold her immediately, aside from grandparents that is, and that if they wanted special time with her that she needed to refrain from calling the whole family as soon as she knew she was out. (did that make sense?)

She perked up when I mentioned I'd like the grandparents to have a special hour or two. She then asked "well, who all do you think is going to show up?" I told her, and she said "well...yea. They'd be at the hospital looking in the nursery, so they expect to see her here too." I told her my aunts, uncles, and cousins (close family...not second cousins. they can wait a few days) were welcome, but they will be asked to leave when I want them to, and I expect everyone to wash hands if they get to hold her. I said not everyone will get to hold her, as we want special time together, I know I'll need rest, and we need to get the knack of nursing. She says she understands and that the family will too, so that makes me feel a little better.

I asked my husband if he minded telling people to clear the driveway and not to return until they were invited, and he said not a problem. We plan on telling them that the driveway needs to be cleared in case of an emergency (which is true).

I really wish I could plan this all out more...I'm very much a planner, and I like to know EXACTLY how things will go, y'know? I'd like to say "Ok, we have her at 6am, after placenta is born and she's been fed, bathed, and diapered, clean up is from 7-8, monitored from 8-9, midwife and doula leave at 9am, grandparents are welcome from 9:15am-10:15am, close relatives from 10:15-10:45. No visitors again until 5pm when they bring me a big, fat steak, baked potato, and steamed broccoli with cheese.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I can only imagine what kind of stress you are under right now I hope that your sister really wouldnt call 911 on you because I have read some real horror stories about that kind of thing happening to mom's here and it breaks my heart to think your birth could turn into a horrible experiance. I would make sure that she knows that if she does soemthing like that you will no longer consider her family. Just so she knows you mean bussiness.

Sending you peaceful and happy labor vibes