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Family Time and Individual Time

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
I am about to have #3, and my other 2 are 20 months and 4 years.

I feel like its important for each my dh and I to get as much one on one time as we can, and also spend time as a family, individually, etc.

I am not a mathmatical person but I am trying to figure out the equation and strike a balence with all of these.

So how do you balence-

1. Personal "me" time
2. Whole family time
3. Time with child one
4. Time with child two
5. Time with child three
6. Time alone with dp
7-Tell me I dont have to add in "Time with children 1-2, children 1-3, and children 2-3 also. LOL-Its all too much!)
8-cleaning/work time....

Someone with Math skills help me out!!! I need large family advice....Someone with 7 kids-tell me how its done.

Jenny
post #2 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post
I am about to have #3, and my other 2 are 20 months and 4 years.

I feel like its important for each my dh and I to get as much one on one time as we can, and also spend time as a family, individually, etc.

I am not a mathmatical person but I am trying to figure out the equation and strike a balence with all of these.

So how do you balence-

1. Personal "me" time
2. Whole family time
3. Time with child one
4. Time with child two
5. Time with child three
6. Time alone with dp
7-Tell me I dont have to add in "Time with children 1-2, children 1-3, and children 2-3 also. LOL-Its all too much!)
8-cleaning/work time....

Someone with Math skills help me out!!! I need large family advice....Someone with 7 kids-tell me how its done.

Jenny

I don't have 7 kids, just 5..sorry.

I have found that I just don't get that much one on one with them anymore. But really, they don't mind because they are not really used to one on one.

We have layed out our priorites this way:

1. Family Time
2. Couple time
3. Household maintance (cleaning, shopping, etc..)
4. Friends/outside interest

It works for us, and I find that my kids seem pretty happy most of the time. When we actually do something alone with one of them, they love it, but almost always are looking for another sibling to join in.

Don't know if that helps...probably not..I am just rambling.
post #3 of 13
Do you have Family Support? That can go a long way...I have a friend who's parents come and get her child every single weekend. He's 7 and she and her husband enjoy child-free weekends every weekend.

DH and I just have 1 but we don't have family support. So that factors alot into Me Time, Our Time etc..

Obviously I can't answer all questions but I just a couple:

DH and I are each other's back up and we tag team on taking care of DS. I've learned the key is carving out time to meet everyone's needs.

I've carved out every Sunday for Me Time. DS stays home with DH. DH carved out every Saturday for Me Time.

Family Time??...um well, we're still working on that. We are taking a mini family vacation to the beach which we started planning 3 months ago...
post #4 of 13
We have family time, once a week, we set aside time and turn off the cell phones and do something TOGETHER, play games, take a walk, it changes every week but family night is something all my kids look forward to, and then my husband and i have a date night every friday night our kids go over to our friends house, and we spend the night together, then our friends do the same thing on Tuesday nights sending thier kids over to our house.
post #5 of 13
Thread Starter 
omg-you send all of them to a friends house for overnight? That is a good friend!!

I need some friends like that.
post #6 of 13
I come from a family of four and what my parents did to make sure we each got one on one time with them was once a year they had the other three kids with a babysitter or family member and Mom, Dad and one of us got to go somewhere that we chose (within reason price-wise and somewhere drivable in a day and back). That was the "formal" way, but there were plenty of informal times where it was maybe 1-3 of us just with Dad or Mom and they made sure to take advantage of those times.

As for date time, my Mom and Dad went out probably once a month or so for dinner or something else with just the two of them and left us with a babysitter or family. For alone time, I think that can be easy to neglect, but I think having you stay with the kids or take them somewhere for a few hours and let your DP have a few hours to himself and then reverse it for you to get some time.

And I wouldn't worry about formally setting up spending time with kid 1&3, 2&3 and 1&2. They will happen on their own, just take advantage.

Whole family time is often the easiest at least until the kids start getting mid-teens. Dinner is usually good for this and if you go to church as a family that is good as well. Also, trips to the zoo or park on the weekend (or whenever you can all be together) work well too, maybe with the occasional movie or something else. Visiting family was always a big one for us too.
post #7 of 13
Dh and I try to balance out our time with each other and our five children, but it's complicated by his long and unpredictable work schedule.

Since I homeschool the three bigs, they get LOTS of focused time with me. I'm working on incorporating more focused time for my 3yods and 2yods into my daily routine. When our newest edition arrives in a month and a half, we'll be juggling schedules like crazy.

Household maintenence/grocery shopping/etc. is always done with the assistance of the kids, and is very much a team effort. Much of dh's time with the three bigs is while he is working on his bike or the yard. He's pretty good at teaching them about, say, gasoline-powered engines, while still getting what he needs done.

I usually get out on my own for an evening of scrapbooking with friends about every other week. Starting this Sunday, I'll be going to my church's women's group on a weekly basis. And I usually will pay my babysitter for an extra hour when I have a midwife appt, and go sit at a coffee shop or the library and just enjoy not having anyone talking to me.

Dh has a weekly men's group through our church, also, and will usually go for a long ride on his bike once or twice a week.

Since setting up a babysitting exchange with another couple, Dh and I are really enjoying getting a consistent evening out every other week. It's been very good for the health of our marriage to know that we really will get some time alone in the near future. We also will send the kids to bed a touch early and have a date at home every once in a while.

As far as individual time with our kids goes, that isn't something that we are very focused on right now. Because our three bigs are so close in age (7yodd is 13.5 months older than our 6yods twins), we usually don't split them up for things. They have a good group dynamic going on. Dh or I will occassionally take one of them out for breakfast on a Saturday morning on our way to running an errand, and we all really enjoy that. I've taken my dd scrapbooking with me a couple times, and that's been fun, too. Our two little guys (3yods, 2yods) are also a pretty good little team, so we usually do stuff with them together.

Sunday is our family day. We attend church together, then usually have a nice midday meal and then something fun--the park, driving up a canyon to a creek, board games in the evening, watch a Star Trek show with Daddy. We enjoy our Sundays a lot.
post #8 of 13
Thread Starter 
: I am really enjoying reading all the responses!
post #9 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post
omg-you send all of them to a friends house for overnight? That is a good friend!!

I need some friends like that.
Yes! She is!! I'm always so suprised when she tells me 'I cant wait till next week' but she only has one kid... she might like the once a week chaos.
post #10 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Girlsmama View Post
Yes! She is!! I'm always so suprised when she tells me 'I cant wait till next week' but she only has one kid... she might like the once a week chaos.
Wow, you are really blessed.

I was thinking you have a "liter" and she has a "liter" (Thats my term of endearment for lots-a-kids....Sometimes I tell dh I want a "liter.")

But she only has one! that is awesome.
post #11 of 13
Well, I've only got the one little guy and the one big guy. I can sort of predict how things are going to go, though. Big guy works all week and we don't see him. All weekend is family time, except for about 4 hours in which big guy does housework, and I take the little guy OUT to get away from the cleaning chemicals (not that they're horrible). When our family gets bigger, I'll simply take more children OUT with me. Or, maybe he'll start doing that, and I'll do the 4 hour block of cleaning.

One on one time with husband is brief, but efficient and sweet.

I imagine that one on one time with each child will be a big to do. Probably amounting to a weekend away for each parent. I've already started this by taking my son to the beach, just him and me, for the weekend. It was wonderful. When he gets older, it will be easier for my husband to do the same, and I'll get some alone time unless we have another kid by then.

Hm, good reason for me to wait another year or two.
post #12 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
One on one time with husband is brief, but efficient and sweet.
Sounds like our sex life sometimes.
post #13 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post
Sounds like our sex life sometimes.
exactly!!
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