Originally Posted by Kam
We are planning a homebirth in December/January, and I have been seeing two midwives whom I hope will be in attendance on some level. My husband is a former OB (now child psychiatrist). This will be my third birth, second with midwives, and I've never had any birth complications. The more I read, however, the more I feel I'd like to try to birth this babe on my own without a lot of hands-on management. I'm really enjoying pamelamidwife's blog--so smart and honest--and it's gotten me thinking that unassisted but not unattended birth is a possibility. What do you all think? Is it an impossible fence? Are there resources for preparing for it? And most importantly, how do I go about addressing this issue with my CNM/CPM midwives, who are supportive and warm, but still very attached to their perenium management, "suctioning when necessary," and so forth? I made the mistake of using the "hands-off" term with one the other day, and I saw the disappointment fall across her face. She asked me later with some trepidation whether I was okay with Doppler use.
I really need them to be supportive and positive and to believe in me if they will be there. Any advice on achieving this?
when i was pregnant with DS we toyed with the idea of someone being there, just in case. the more i thought about it, the more i felt that anyone's presence would be a hindrance. especially someone like your midwife, who is upset by your desire for a hands off experience. i'd be under pressure, one way or another.
if they are showing hesitation, and are not completely there for you, this will influence you a great deal, even if they are not in the room with you. even if they say they will be, but you sense reservation, the situation has a potential to be stressful.
do you think there is another way for your DH to heal? i think going into a UC that it will be a healing experience for someone else, can be stressful as well.
i have no real advice on how to achieve this. our plan was to have a doula who was a midwife in new zealand and not allowed to practice in canada. her purpose was to be DD's support person, and to let us know if she thought i needed to transfer (if we asked her). it was a bit of reassurance for DH as well. ultimately she didn't make it to the birth, and i was so glad.
up until recently DH felt that UC was great, but if we had a chance to have a midwife, that would be even better. i told him that a midwife at my birth is not my idea birth, and we talked about it. i feel very confident and secure in my decision to UC, and i think it is contagious, as DH is gradually thinking, that UC is pretty good without any backups.