Originally Posted by natashaccat
yeah but how do you HS w/o sheltering? Heck, protecting my dd from bad things that happen in schools is one of my primary reasons for hsing in the first place. Quite frankly I'm a very protective parent in general, I was raised by a lax parent and bad things happened to me as a result. How do you know if your child is getting enough freedom?
You know I really used to worry about this a lot when my kids were younger (well, my ds still is *younger* IMO but I digress). I have found that as DD gets older she is letting me know when she needs more freedom and following her cues is all I really need to do. With the absence of peer pressure making her feel like she has to *fit in* by doing things she isn' comfortable with the breaking away process is feeling very natural to both of us. Like so much else in our lives (weaning, toliet training, sleeping alone) it works much better when we listen to each other as opposed to the artificial timetables of society. There is a difference between listening to and trusting your kids and limiting them. These girls I went to school with wanted to do more, could have done more and probably should have done more. They were limited by their parents, not protected. They were held back, not supported.
I removed DD from school, at least in part, to keep her from things like bullying and overwhelming peer influence. However, as she's gotten older I've seen that she is able to handle these things more. She is on a cheer team where she is the only hser. Believe me, there is no absence of drama!
She can handle it now, she couldn't then. I find it no different then introducing solid food or sleeping alone. Just because she will have to do it someday doesn't mean she has to do it now. Just because she couldn't (or didn't want to) do it at 8 doesn't mean she never will be able to.
OTOH at almost 14 she's never stayed home alone. She's never had the desire to and doesn't feel *ready* for it. That's fine. She has time to get OK with it before she has to leave home LOL! People are usually shocked with I tell them this, as though when she turned 12 or 13 she should automatically be *old enough* to stay alone. I prefer to let her wait until we both feel she's ready regardless of age or what her peers are doing (and judging by the Psers in town that would be at age 9 or so).
That's how it's worked for us anyway!