How would you have reacted to this?

[~Journey~]

Hi all. Please tell me what you think


I got this email on Friday


----------------------------

Re: First name Last name (of oldest dd) & Algebra


In the text field it said:

Owes me a lunch detention on Sept 18th for missing homework on Thursday.


Name (of what i assumed was a teacher)

-----------------------------


Nothing further. That was it.

I have never heard this teachers name before. We have never had any contact before. DD's plan was moved around a few times in the first weeks of school and I didn't know who all her teachers are now. DD is in 9th grade.

I answered her the same day. But I would love to hear what you think about this before I tell you what my answer was

[mattemma04]

I would accept it if it were part of the schools homework policy. I would have my child get the email signed to show she did the detention. I am suprised the first step is not a warning.

[Maggieinnh]

Originally Posted by mattemma04

I am suprised the first step is not a warning.

:
Secondly I would go off on that teacher about the TONE of the e-mail!
They might be able to talk (in steno) to a child like that but not to ME!
WTH!!! :

[Lingmom]

I wouldn't object to lunch detention for a ninth grader who didn't do her homework... especially if she knew in advance the consequences and still didn't do her homework. Unless it was truly unfair and she couldn't handle it on her own, I'd try to let it be between my daughter and her teacher.

Also... I recall a similar policy in some high school math class I had and afternoon detention with the teacher actually turned into private tutoring sessions. It gave me a chance to work on my homework with the teacher right in the same room to help answer questions. I seriously think I would have failed pre-calculus without those detentions.

[Maluhia]

I'd ask her to introduce herself before sending me a computer generated email.

I'm an adult and this is the first I've heard of my daughter's missed work? Let's work as partners here - I'm not just some computer system you have to "notify" of your work.

[Mizelenius]

I'd be suspicious. What if it is from a weirdo adult or another student?

That sounds like a tough policy.

[PumpkinSeeds]

If she didn't do her homework then she should receive a grade on that assignment reflecting so. Why does there have to be an extra "punishment"?

[~Journey~]

Originally Posted by Maggieinnh

:
Secondly I would go off on that teacher about the TONE of the e-mail!

My thoughts exactly! I don't want her talking to my child that way either though.

Originally Posted by KailuaMamatoMaya

I'd ask her to introduce herself before sending me a computer generated email.

I'm an adult and this is the first I've heard of my daughter's missed work? Let's work as partners here - I'm not just some computer system you have to "notify" of your work.

Makes you wonder, doesn't it? :

Originally Posted by Mizelenius

I'd be suspicious. What if it is from a weirdo adult or another student?

That sounds like a tough policy.

One that was not mentioned anywhere.

Originally Posted by PumpkinSeeds

If she didn't do her homework then she should receive a grade on that assignment reflecting so. Why does there have to be an extra "punishment"?

Exactly!

Where is the direct link between not turning in a homework assignment and being forced to go the whole day without food? Where is the logical consequence here?!



This is what I wrote back. I was very, very ticked off and had to hold back....



Dear .......


The next time you contact us about our child please do it in a polite and respectful manner. We as (dd's) parents have names we like to be addressed by.

We would also appreciate it if you could take the time to communicate with us in full sentences.

As for (dd) owing you something we don't agree. (dd) is in school to learn for her future not for her teachers. Therefore she only owes it to herself to do her work.

Thank you and have a nice day


our names




If she still demands detention I will address that subject with her again in detail.


What got me the most was the fact that she as a teacher expects her students and their parents to show her respect and manners. Why would she think we don't deserve the same treatment?

[LiamnEmma]

Secondly I would go off on that teacher about the TONE of the e-mail!
They might be able to talk (in steno) to a child like that but not to ME!

Really? If it's okay to speak in that manner to a child, why isn't it okay to speak to you in such a manner?

I find it interesting and I'm not sure what I think about it. I think I'd be asking the school office for a copy of your dd's schedule so I knew who all the teachers were. They're having Back to School Night soon hopefully so that you can have some face to face time with the teacher? I'd ask about the email and policies at that time if they weren't a part of the conversation already. Good luck.

[BusyMommy]

I wouldn't have an issue w/it if it were a pre-written form to which she added dd's name and the date.

However, it does NOT translate well to email. Again, voice and tone are biggies. Bummer b/c the consequence isn't extreme but her delivery was awful. :

[rabrog]

Originally Posted by Maggieinnh

:
Secondly I would go off on that teacher about the TONE of the e-mail!
They might be able to talk (in steno) to a child like that but not to ME!
WTH!!! :

Huh. If I found a teacher talking that way to my child, I'd be one pissed mama. That shows a total lack of respect and my children deserve a basic level of respect as human beings.

Journey, I'm interested to see what happens from your response!

Jenn

[astrophe27]

I would probably call teacher about email and inquire if it was some website form. If so, I would read her what I got on the parent end and suggest she talk to webmaster about a nicer, more professional sounding automated form letter.

She herself might not know how it shows up on the other end if from her end of things she just plugs in child's name, date, checks off the "lunch detention" box and hits "send." YKWIM?

Algebra I , when I took it, was either 8th grade fast track or 9th grade regular track. By that age I did my stuff (including serving detention) without my parents interference unless it was serious.

I didn't get detention often, but sometimes I was late to class and the standing thing for that was to come in for "lunch detention" and stay til you had windexed all the computer screens in the lab. Then you were free to leave. I thought that was fair enough for being late. Being on time is part of being prepared and my punishment was to help prepare for another class.

If you did not do homework, you got a bad mark for that one. Again -- fair enough. I didn't do it, I got an incomplete mark.

Children have to take ownership of ther stuff sooner or later -- homework responsibility is where it starts. I can see me checking up on homework daily and all that in grade school but come on! Junior high and high school? Do you want me to do it for college too?

Now if an 8th /9th grade child is doing badly on a mid-term -- ok... call me up... let me know. We def. want to nip that before finals roll around.

But I think going around behind them over missed homework at that age is inappropriate. It's a waste of teacher time too -- they don't have just 20ish kids any more. They have 20 kids... but 5-6 classes of them! 100-120 kids you have to call up and bug about doing their homework? Sheesh, let them face the piper on their own for daily work and worry about the bigger stuff.

A.

[GuildJenn]

I'd've forwarded it to my daughter.

[Irishmommy]

Nowhere does it say that your child doesn't eat.

Our 7/8s had "homework club" last year. Where if homework wasn't completed, they had to go to it at lunch. However, lunch is divided into two - half hour for eating, half hour free time. The club was in place of free time, not in place of eating.

[diamond lil]

Originally Posted by ~Journey~

Dear .......


The next time you contact us about our child please do it in a polite and respectful manner. We as (dd's) parents have names we like to be addressed by.

We would also appreciate it if you could take the time to communicate with us in full sentences.

As for (dd) owing you something we don't agree. (dd) is in school to learn for her future not for her teachers. Therefore she only owes it to herself to do her work.

Thank you and have a nice day


our names

THIS IS PERFECT! I love your response. So many teachers are used to treating their students like sh!t, that they forget that they can't quite get away with it when talking to adults. Bravo!

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Originally Posted by diamond lil

THIS IS PERFECT! I love your response. So many teachers are used to treating their students like sh!t, that they forget that they can't quite get away with it when talking to adults. Bravo!

I'm not so sure I agree. I think it will set off a year long struggle with the teacher--and your child will be in the middle of it all. Teachers are busy people with a lot of stress--I'm not saying this is an excuse--but the fact that she sent you (the OP) at all is pretty decent of her when most kids get detention, usually teachers (especially in high school) do not contact the parents at all.
I like the suggestion of just forwarding it to the child. If you don't know the teachers now is the time to get to know them to see what their intentions are. Not all teachers treat their students poorly--that's one heck of an assumption. Frankly, I'm surprised at all that anyone teaches any more--you are at risk of being killed by one of your students these days, you don't make squat and the hours beyond the school day itself are insane. And let's not forget that you can't even pee until a bell rings and no one needs you. Please.

[diamond lil]

Originally Posted by GranoLLLy-girl

Not all teachers treat their students poorly--that's one heck of an assumption.

Just to clarify, I did not say all teachers treat students poorly; I said "so many teachers."

[captivatedlife]

Honestly - we sent emails out to parents all the time that were not full of wonderful flowery sentences. Generally something like " M skipped math today and didn't turn in French" I swear those stupid emails took 15 + minutes of prep time - 15 min in which I could be doing other things (Making copies, finding pictures to help second language learners understand, searching out creative lessons........)

It is hard, and as a parent I believe that the students parents have a right to know what is going on, but it is so time consuming.

I always tried to start parental communication off on a positive note though....

[mamaduck]

Unless a detention for missed homework is part of the prearranged homework policy at the school, I would take issue with the disciplinary procedure. Call me crazy, but I would expect detentions to be saved for behavior problems, since failure to do work carries consequences of its own already.

As far as the email -- I dunno. I use email for simple questions that are going to have concrete issues. With something like this, I would pick up the phone and call the teacher. Emailing back and forth carries too much potential for unintended reading between the lines, and misunderstood tones. Honestly, I would never try to deal with something as loaded as this by email.

[diamond lil]

Originally Posted by captivatedlife

Honestly - we sent emails out to parents all the time that were not full of wonderful flowery sentences. Generally something like " M skipped math today and didn't turn in French" I swear those stupid emails took 15 + minutes of prep time - 15 min in which I could be doing other things (Making copies, finding pictures to help second language learners understand, searching out creative lessons........)

It is hard, and as a parent I believe that the students parents have a right to know what is going on, but it is so time consuming.

I work in the business world and send out several e-mails on a daily basis, all of which take loads of prep time (i.e. thought and planning) and many of which I do on my lunch hour just because I am too busy during regular buisness hours. There are lots of other things I could be doing instead of sending e-mails (like eating lunch), but I do it because it is PART OF MY JOB. If I had sent out an e-mail to a co-worker, associate, or customer like the one Journey received, I would no longer have a job.

I do not think teachers get a free pass for rudeness because they feel their time is somehow at a premium. Why can't teachers consider e-mailing parents (i.e. their employers) a normal part of their work day?