I don't like writing things as "Don't do xy and z" so I just wrote things that have impacted me. I also realize some of the things are problems with not only the step mom, but the father as well.
Them forcing my daughter to call her "Mommy" hurt more than they'll ever know. She took her out to buy her a bra for the first time, she took her and got all of her gorgeous hair cut off when she was 4, her first tooth they did the tooth fairy thing with and then threw the tooth out instead of offering it to me.. I would have liked to save it.
Her first dance class and recital was orchestrated by her and at the end when I tried to tell my daughter that I was proud of her, she literally pulled her away from me to criticize her for not doing all the moves she should have. They play on my daughters willingness to please people, and know that if someone asks her to choose who her "Mother" is when out in public.. she will choose her step mom so they don't get angry at her.
Crossing off my name from emergency contact lists.. leaving me off them altogether.
She finds every extra curricular activity that takes place during the time she's usually with me, and signs her up for it without even asking her if she wants to participate. For instance, instead of seeing my daughter on weekends right now.. I won't see her for 2 months because she signed her up for soccer and it takes place on Saturdays. No use driving back and forth so many times they say.. we'll just keep her.
She runs the show, and my ex husband likes it that way. Anything I ask him regarding our daughter, he has to get back to me after he talks with her or call her because he doesn't know the answer. I feel like she's my ex and not him. Yet she won't give me the chance to speak with her about anything either.
Theres been a lot of talk in these forums about vilifying step parents and things like that.. and I really want people to know that in my case, it couldn't be further from the truth. I WANTED my daughter to have many people to love her. I was happy when my ex got remarried. I try so hard to maintain open communication and be involved, but his wife won't even speak to me. If she comes to pick up my dd, instead of calling me from her cell phone to say she's here (we can't see the driveway) she will call my ex, and then he'll call me to say she's there. She goes out of her way to avoid me, and I don't know why.
I really have done nothing but bend over backwards to not offend her, while getting stepped on.
For instance, just the other day.. she came to pick up dd and I had my other two children outside with me. My 4 yo usually is inside for the pickup/drop off because she gets emotional. So she really hasn't seen my ex's wife much. She knows her dad comes to pick her up, and when she saw a woman this time she put 2 and 2 together and said loudly, "Ohhh! Sissy DOES have a mom! Look!" And though my heart fell through the floor... I didn't want to correct her. It felt rude and dismissive. "No honey, thats her step
mother." If it were me, I wouldn't want to hear that. So I said nothing. And she didn't correct her either. I'm quite sure she was on cloud 9 about it she was beaming so brightly, and I literally felt invisible.
Again, in case there is any doubt.. I don't believe all step mothers are like that at all. My situation just happens to be kinda yucky.