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post #21 of 35
9/20/07 at 10:42am
Hi,

Perfectionism is actually one of the things that leads to PPD. It's called the "perfect storm". Perfectionism, hormones, anxiety about baby, fear, lonliness... they all come together to create the depression.

One of the things I am working on in therapy is to stop the black and white thinking. It makes a huge difference and gets you to stop beating up on yourself AND those around you. It's really a huge part of recovery, for me and for many women.

Just thought I would share and maybe it will help someone.
post #22 of 35
9/20/07 at 10:47am
Mom0810, that's fascinating about perfectionism being a part of PPD. I did not know that, but it makes sense.
post #23 of 35
9/20/07 at 12:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by timneh_mom View Post
Treasuremapper!!! Wow, that was an AWESOME post!!!
Second that here!

I feel so badly for you mama! I was also going through a really rough time, and with only one baby! I got on zoloft (also nusring and not willing to stop anytime soon) and its' working wonderfully. They prescribed me 50mg/day, but I'm doing 25mg (which I discussed with them) and it seems to be working okay. Just wanted to be more conservative w/ nursing if possible.

I agree w/ Treasuremapper too - get rid of the toxic things in your life. And work them back in when YOU can handle it. They can deal with their own crap themselves. Always a huge trigger for me. And perfectionism - my life story!

HUGS! I'll check in and see how you're doing!
post #24 of 35
9/20/07 at 3:11pm
Thread Starter 
thank you all sooo much for the support and advice! treasuremapper, thanks so much!

things have gotten a bit better. got a script for zoloft today, and MIL came into town yesterday - she's staying at my mother's house and so we stopped by for dinner around 5. my family went out of their way to make things as stressfree as possible, including my mom making my favorite dinner and making everyone else go outside while i ate alone, in peace! MIL is being a saint - visibly upset for me when she hugged me, very understanding, incredibly compassionate. everyone is very worried but not making me feel abnormal in any way. in short, i think my own anxiety made them seem worse, and as my dh pointed out they had NO clue whatsoever that i was feeling so completely horrible.
as for dh, he is nothing short of unbelievable. he just went back to work this past sunday after taking a 2 week leave of absence to help me, and when i was at my lowest yesterday he told me that if his job refused to switch him back to a 5 day work with with morning-afternoon hours instead of the horrible night shift, he was quitting that day and would find whatever work to manage. he made me feel like i was the ONLY priority, and that nothing was more important than me. he really is the best friend i have ever had in my life, and we are really lucky to be together. for the past 2 weeks he's taken the baby every morning so i sleep late, does all the housework (except for laundry, which i adore, LOL), and takes our toddler out for park/play time.

in short, people are stepping up and helping out. it's really really nice, and now that everyone knows how serious this truly is they are more willing to put me first in their concerns (sounds bad, but you kwim).

okay, savannah is hungry, gotta run. THANKS SO MUCH! YOU ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE!!!
post #25 of 35
9/20/07 at 6:58pm
It sounds like you have a great support network. I'm so happy for you that your dh is so incredibly supportive. I feel very optimistic about your future.
post #26 of 35
9/20/07 at 7:48pm
i can easily say the anti-depressants (alot of Prozac) has saved my life.....now that i'm momma to a 25 month old....and a one month old...it is necessary for me to function.

the hardest bit for you (if i were you) would be your husband's long hours....any extra $$ to pay a helper a couple hours a day???

also, in my case, i couldn't do the transition to a toddler bed right now...because i need the active one contained when it's sleep time without fuss.

good luck!!! you are not alone!
post #27 of 35
9/20/07 at 11:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Treasuremapper View Post
It sounds like you have a great support network. I'm so happy for you that your dh is so incredibly supportive. I feel very optimistic about your future.
post #28 of 35
9/20/07 at 11:47pm
We're all looking out for you! I'm so happy that things have taken a turn for the better. Sometimes we just have to finally tell someone in our life what is going on with us and honestly ask for help. Then our families can surprise us. You'll get back on track and pull out of this. Just keep talking. It can be hard to let go and let someone else take care of your children, I know that is my weakness. I don't hire sitters and I rarely drop Jack off with friends to watch. But I manage, and I find a way to cope even though it is hard. Good luck to to you, there are tons of good people here to talk to.
post #29 of 35
9/20/07 at 11:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom0810 View Post
Hi,

Perfectionism is actually one of the things that leads to PPD. It's called the "perfect storm". Perfectionism, hormones, anxiety about baby, fear, lonliness... they all come together to create the depression.

One of the things I am working on in therapy is to stop the black and white thinking. It makes a huge difference and gets you to stop beating up on yourself AND those around you. It's really a huge part of recovery, for me and for many women.

Just thought I would share and maybe it will help someone.
Wow! I had never really thought about that. I am constantly comparing myself, my life, my family to others and it makes me feel like such a failure. Then I get really depressed and I take it out on everyone. Thanks for that post!
post #30 of 35
9/20/07 at 11:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom0810 View Post
I agree with everyone and want to offer support. Zoloft would be a great idea, so would visiting a therapist, even if it's just to have someone objective to talk to. It helps SO much. Please please make a call today and get in to talk to someone and hopefully even get in for a script. You do NOT have to wean and formula does not even have to enter the picture.

I am expecting #2 in Nov. and have a 21 month old. I am afraid for how I am going to feel with two so close together so I can relate.

Best wishes for you and I really hope you feel better soon. The medication can really help.


I was thinking about that last night. I was going to say that you can take Zoloft while nursing. I did, and it made things so much easier and it really helped me too. I had to take it after all 3 pregnancies, but it really made a difference in my mood.

I also wanted to say to savvybabygrace, that I am glad that things are getting better and your dh sounds awesome! By taking care of yourself you are taking care of your babies!
post #31 of 35
9/21/07 at 12:09am
to you, mama. I have three young children, the two youngest being 20 months apart, and I feel so totally and completely overwhelmed about 80% of the time. Someone is always needing needing needing something, most of the time it's at least two people needing something from me. Sometimes I want to scream, "When do I get what *I* need?!" I realize my kids won't always be little, and I really am trying to make a conscious effort to enjoy these times with them, but it seems like I'll forever be getting a cup of milk, wiping a nose, buckling a carseat, and not having any time for myself, or even any time to SIT DOWN.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
post #32 of 35
9/21/07 at 4:48pm

Get Some Help with the Kids

My only advice is hire a postpartum doula. She can come in during the day for a few hours and help with your older kids and give you a break or friendship. Lack of sleep will exacerbate the pp depression so if you need sleep, don't be afraid to find a postpartum doula who can and will provide overnight services so you can get one good night of sleep in each week until your medication has kicked in and things are running smoother for you. The doula can also provide some protection from family members.

Lots and lots of hugs to you and your family!!!

Jamie
post #33 of 35
9/21/07 at 9:12pm
Thread Starter 
you are all so very awesome...the support i'm getting from family and friends is wonderful, but it's also very necessary for me to come on here and hear from people who have been there! i think i'm going to go to the monthly PPD group sessions at the hospital where i gave birth to my first daughter as well. support is vital.

i started zoloft yesterday - is it normal to already feel spacey? i can't remember how i felt taking it last summer.

MIL actually left today - Gigi (dh's grandmother) went to hospital with heart problems, everything seems okay but she's 80 and we don't take her health for granted.

i think that i'm finally on the road to recovery. you are all so very right with all of your suggestions and things you've pointed out; i'm a perfectionist and i think i'm always trying to be the perfect everything; mom, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, etc. i don't let people know how bad things are until it's something i cannot hide anymore. today i started to feel overwhelmed, so i told dh that it was time to leave my parents house and my dh, mom, and dad all swooped down and got the girls packed up and car loaded before i had to lift a finger.

i guess letting them know that i was seriously having a mental breakdown was enough for them to wake up to how terrible i've been feeling. as hard as it is sometimes to let go of control and let others in, it feels so good to know that they are here for me.

*phew* okay, i really appreciate you all that's about it. i'm feeling spacey and dry-mouthy, gonna drink some tea and have a bubble bath.
post #34 of 35
9/21/07 at 9:47pm
Yes, it's very normal to feel spacey at first on zoloft. I am so glad and happy for you that you are on the road to recovery.
post #35 of 35
9/25/07 at 4:52pm
wow. You are so lucky that you dh and family are being so supportive. You are one lucky mama and I am jealous

hope you continue to feel better.
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