I can't believe she said this!

[mija y mijo]

We were at the park the other day meeting some other homeschoolers for the first time and my dd seemed to be hitting it off well with a couple of the other little girls her age.

Well, there was an issue with including others in their play (a little brother and some other boys were feeling excluded) and they were told by another mom that they were not allowed to exclude anyone from what they were playing.

I guess my dd was pretty upset (they were playing "secret" club and telling eachother secrets) and she told the little girl that she "wished her mom never lived because she ruined everything!"

WTH? I can't believe she said that! She's 6 1/2, she should know better, right? She is a spirited child, very passionate and dramatic, but come on! I apologized and talked with my dd and she apologized to the little girl and they went on playing fine afterward, but I felt embarrassed and we left shortly after. My dd says she was "just upset" and doesn't know why she said it. She felt really bad afterward, but I'm wondering why would she say something so mean and hurtful to someone else. Am I reading too much into this?

[Ruthla]

I think you're reading too much into it. "I hate you" is kidspeak for "I'm angry at you right now."

[425lisamarie]

Yes, unfortunately kids just say things like that. i really don't think they mean it as bad as it sounds/is.

[hottmama]

My 4.5 yr. old says mean things to me nearly every day-- from sort of silly "I'm going to dig a big hole so that you'll step in it and fall into the sewers!" to hateful "F you!" "I hate you!" He once told me he was going to kill himself because I was mean.
Little kids have no filter and their anger just lashes out. They don't mean it.

[mija y mijo]

Thank you for the reassurance. I'm afraid I overreacted (I have the tendency to overanalyze these types of things).

I think I made my dd feel really guilty by my reaction to what she said. : Sometimes I just don't know how to deal with her "spirited" ways. In my head I'm thinking, "What is wrong with you?" when in reality she's just being a kid.

[Cullens_Girl]

Originally Posted by homeschoolmama

I think I made my dd feel really guilty by my reaction to what she said. : Sometimes I just don't know how to deal with her "spirited" ways. In my head I'm thinking, "What is wrong with you?" when in reality she's just being a kid.

a lot of the reaction you had might be attributed to a bit of embarassment because your child was the one to act up and it was a new social situation for the both of you. I've been in situations where I wanted the earth to swallow me because of how DS behaved towards another child. s we've all been there!

[Satori]

Originally Posted by hottmama

My 4.5 yr. old says mean things to me nearly every day-- from sort of silly "I'm going to dig a big hole so that you'll step in it and fall into the sewers!" to hateful "F you!" "I hate you!" He once told me he was going to kill himself because I was mean.
Little kids have no filter and their anger just lashes out. They don't mean it.

ummm... thats a bit outside normal for a 4.5 year old. Have you considered counciling for him and your family?

[ejbamommy]

Originally Posted by Satori

ummm... thats a bit outside normal for a 4.5 year old. Have you considered counciling for him and your family?

i totally agree and think that is past what the OP was concerned about.
With the original poster I think that it is unfortunately normal and that as paretns we do tend to over-react. Hugs!!!

[Satori]

Originally Posted by ejbamommy

i totally agree and think that is past what the OP was concerned about.
With the original poster I think that it is unfortunately normal and that as paretns we do tend to over-react. Hugs!!!

duh forgot to answer the OP, thats normal, embarrassing but normal.

[hottmama]

Originally Posted by Satori

ummm... thats a bit outside normal for a 4.5 year old. Have you considered counciling for him and your family?

Wow, that's an overreaction if I ever saw one! Better think twice before posting on MDC. :

No, I haven't considered counseling, for a happy, generally well-behaved kid who is usually snuggly and lovey. I think everyone would agree that little kids have temper tantrums when they don't get their way and certainly don't mean what they say. I would add that my son has been immersed in an adult world since birth, and not as sheltered as many MDC children (not that there's something wrong with sheltering your children, we just don't).

[LynnS6]

When I was six, I wrote notes to my sisters saying things like "If you ever use my hairbands again, you will have a pancake for a head. I hate you! Love, Lynn"

I grew up to be a semi-normal adult .

[425lisamarie]

Originally Posted by hottmama

Wow, that's an overreaction if I ever saw one! Better think twice before posting on MDC. :

No, I haven't considered counseling, for a happy, generally well-behaved kid who is usually snuggly and lovey. I think everyone would agree that little kids have temper tantrums when they don't get their way and certainly don't mean what they say. I would add that my son has been immersed in an adult world since birth, and not as sheltered as many MDC children (not that there's something wrong with sheltering your children, we just don't).

I agree, and it's also sort of based on what the kid has heard before. I doubt if a kid has never heard the F word, or heard someone else talk like that they would just come up with something so vile all on their own.

Unfortunately once kids reach a certain age and either see things on tv or hear them outside, they will repeat them. My sister was much worse with the tongue then I was, but we had older cousins that cussed and were rude too.

[HoneymoonBaby]

Originally Posted by 425lisamarie

I agree, and it's also sort of based on what the kid has heard before. I doubt if a kid has never heard the F word, or heard someone else talk like that they would just come up with something so vile all on their own.

Yup. They work with what they're given. My son's idea of the worst insult he can throw at me is "You are PEE-PEE, and I am going to FLUSH you down the potty!!!" He's usually super-angry and serious, face all screwed up with rage, when he says this, and it is everything I can do to not laugh at him for saying something so silly while he's having such big feelings. But he just doesn't have big enough words to go with the big feelings -- we don't talk about hating people or cuss people out, so he doesn't know enough to use that language to describe his feelings. So pee-pee in the potty it is.

However, he has heard both DH and I say "Sh*t!" under our breath on occasion when we screw something up, break something, etc. and you know what he says sometimes in those situations himself (in the exact same under-the-breath tone and inflection, no less)?

Yeah, you guessed it. Classy coming from a 3yo, right? Makes me look like the parenting champion of the world.