New challenges w/ 4yo

[croleRN]

HELP!!! DD is driving me crazy!!! Usually a very happy and cooperative girl - as long as she's well rested... has become angry and determined to do the opposite of everything we ask. I am sure it is very much connected to her new baby sister (born 8/17). However - nothing we try is helping and it is getting worse. We try to explain baby's needs. We spend one on one time w/ her (DH & I). She gets to go w/ other family for "special big girl events." We have lots of cuddle time. But she still is very angry often. I try to get her to talk about being angry - and nothing helps. I have even "given her permission" to be angry, hurt, sad. But not to hit, bite, pinch, or hurt baby or mom/dad, or dogs. I thought she was going to do so well w/ the new baby. We spent lots of time doing preparation during my preg.
I am trying to figure out her needs - but it's truly wearing on me & I find myself becoming more and more frustrated w/ less and less patience. (DH has even less than I do.)
ANY advice? Anyone else experience this? How long does this last? TIA.
Heather

[hippymomma69]

The first 3 months is the worst with a new sibling - at least for me...by 6 months things should be "back to normal" whatever that is!

Also, 4 is a rough age anyway....so just give her a couple more months to get used to the idea of a new sibling - it's a big change for her. It's okay if she's still angry.

I love the part in Siblings without Rivalry where they tell you to put yourself in your child's shoes by imagining that your partner comes home with a new girlfriend - younger and cuter too! LOL You'd be pretty PO'd for a while too....

Anyway, just give it a little more time...I'm sure on some level your DD is still just wondering "when is this baby going back wherever it came from?"

good luck
peace,
robyn

[newmommy]

Originally Posted by croleRN

has become angry and determined to do the opposite of everything we ask.

This is DS. And there's not even a newborn to be jealous of. That's just how he is!

[CrunchyParent]

I highly recommend the book "Siblings without Rivalry." What you're experiencing may be unrelated to the sibling issue, but if it is related, I think that this book may provide some insight and direction. Good luck.

[anmama]

sounds all too familiar

She may only be 3 1/2 but we're experiencing similar things with my daughter. Her little sis is almost 1. The little one wants to be into everything her sister does and that's just not going over very well. One of her responses to us has been to wet herself - while sitting on the couch, in her bed after she wakes up and while staring my down after I tell her to get off of her sister.
We too have tried lots of one on one time - reading books, cuddling, special trips out to the store with one of us, etc. Sorry, I don't have much advice. I find myself needing to step back for a few deep breaths many times during the day.
Hang in there.