Need advice on a friend situation for my 7 year old

[Erin Pavlina]

My daughter started 2nd grade and is in a new school. While there are some other kids in her class that are also new to school, I think she is the only girl who is new. She made one friend and things were going well but today she told me some things that have me concerned. She says the other girls won't let her play with them unless she agrees to play the role they want her to play. For example they play tag and they always want my daughter to be the one who chases everyone and she doesn't like it but they tell her if she doesn't play that role then she can't play at all. They do the same thing with other roles like in hide and seek and when they play two-square they sort of target my child to get her "out" faster and then let their friends stay in and play longer.

How can I help her with this situation?

The one friend she has is saying that now she can't be my daughter's friend and my daughter doesn't know why, only that now she is alone at lunch and on the playground unless she is willing to do what the other kids tell her. I want to nip this in the bud and help her out a bit with some advice or something.

Any advice? Anyone been there, done that?

[pigpokey]

Gee, what makes girls popular once these games start.

Looks, clothes, status symbols, and the ability to be catty, slightly naughty, but not really ever in serious trouble with adults.

Get her a new outfit? Cell phone? Pony?

I hate this stuff.

[amcal]

At that age, I would involve the teachers and ask that they watch the interaction and explain fair and appropriate play to them. Bullying begins at a very young age - it's more subtle at this age but they are still bullying her. I'm guessing your school has a zero tolerance policy for bullying so these girls need to be talked to and have it explained to them that what they are doing is not acceptable - but, it needs to be the teacher catching them in the behavior, not that your DD tattled on them.

I would also empower your daughter to stand up for herself and help her learn to say something along the lines of "I'll be 'it' this time but the next time it's someone else's turn" Give her actual words she can use to stand up for herself. I would also let her know that it's better to walk away then to accept mean behavior and give her words that will empower her to walk away if the behavior continues.

I'm sorry she's dealing with this It makes my heart hurt to think of children being mean to each other

[Erin Pavlina]

Nothing breaks my heart more than to know my child is suffering and I can't necessarily make it better. Her little friend was due to come over this weekend for a playdate. If she is still coming I will try to help them solidify their relationship a little and I'll talk to the teacher about all of this. Ironically I was at open house last night and spoke to her teacher and she said everything was great between my daughter and the friend but I guess things went south big time today or the teacher didn't know.

[edwinton]

Originally Posted by amcal

At that age, I would involve the teachers and ask that they watch the interaction and explain fair and appropriate play to them. Bullying begins at a very young age - it's more subtle at this age but they are still bullying her. I'm guessing your school has a zero tolerance policy for bullying so these girls need to be talked to and have it explained to them that what they are doing is not acceptable - but, it needs to be the teacher catching them in the behavior, not that your DD tattled on them.

I would also empower your daughter to stand up for herself and help her learn to say something along the lines of "I'll be 'it' this time but the next time it's someone else's turn" Give her actual words she can use to stand up for herself. I would also let her know that it's better to walk away then to accept mean behavior and give her words that will empower her to walk away if the behavior continues.

I'm sorry she's dealing with this It makes my heart hurt to think of children being mean to each other

great advice