Please help, emotional and having fears... (sorry...long , read if you have time)

[beautiful_mama]

Today started out fine,..I had pretty much resolved myself to being pregnant for the next 10+ or so days (5 days until my EDD and my last baby was 5 days OD...)

A few days ago, I was grocery shopping and this really sweet and friendly Jamaican woman commented about my ds in the shopping cart (he is almost 23 months old) and then commented about what a *blessing* it was to be pg again...THEN she launches into two seperate comments about the size of my belly. The first one was of course *are you having twins?*

I said, noooo...I'm not!

But before I could get out the words "it's only one"
She asks me if I am having triplets :

I kindly said no and said I just seem to bake big babies...........not really sure how to nicely respond to that kwim?

Well, this past week has been filled with several attempts on my bodies part to *practice* labor and then...nothing (obviously).

I am not one for false labor, matter of fact, with my last birth I was so convinced I wasn't truly IN labor that I didn't believe I was actually IN labor until I was pushing (no kidding you can ask my midwife!!). So when I called my midwife on tuesday thinking it COULD belabor, I felt like a total dip stick later for haivng thoought that (der!)

So....this week has been a huge emotional battle for me in that reguards, dealing with,...is she reeeeally coming early? or am I just getting false hopes up

Honestly I don't care, I know either way more than likely I'll have a baby in under two weeks.

The problem is not staying pg, the problem is...the size of my belly and the comments total strangers are making and freaking me out.

Tonight I ran into my least favorite store (walmart ) to get something that I knew only they had...and while I was in there this old lady in a stinking motorized wheel chair wheels RIGHT UP TO ME as I am pushing my cart through the herbal isle and declares very loudly "o my gosh when is that baby due?"

I said, in 5 days..."she said, it's about to come huh?"

I said, Yes. She says " you MUST be having twins you are HUGE!! "


I swear I am not over dramatizing this, she was SOOO obnoxious about it. I kindly said no I just have big babies.
She bantered on about that for a few minutes and I slowly walked away thinking that I should just be nice because some people can't help their curiosity, etc.




Well......shortly after that I had to exit the store because I found myself in massive tears . It's not over people's reaction so much, it is everything going on right now...

basically, my family is in utter turmoil, not my kids and dh, but my 2 brothers and their wives,my mom etc...THAT part of my family, and it is really putting a damper on my hopeful birth experience.


Reason being....my older brother and his wife lost a baby 5 yrs ago, still born at 38 weeks
Then just week before last, they lost an 18 weeker....heart just stopped, nooo idea why.

My other brother and his wife tried for a natural birth in hospital with their first baby just 6 months ago, and after 37 hours of labor, and 4 hours of pushing they gave her a Csection...only baby was stuck, they had to force him out and in the process ripped her uterus to shredds and her urethera and other unmentionables.


Ok, so, take all that into consideration...and then to top it off my mother is the BIGGEST worry wart on the planet, esp when it comes to one of her kids or grandkids. I think she actually tried to schedule her visit to cooincide with this baby's delivery a few weeks ago, because in her words to me *just in case baby has other ideas and I need to help deliver*
(WTH?!?!?)


She was trying to tell me that she wants to be there in case anything goes *wrong*, again her worries are being put off on me because of all that has gone on with my family etc.


Nice. I understand that things can happen....but all this CRAP keeps coming back and slamming in my face and breaking my confidence level big time.

*I* trust birth. I trust my body....but this has been ridiculous! And to top it all off, even my other kids have been contributing to my fears.

For one... a few months back, my middle son says to me one night while we are saying evening prayers (totally out of the blue mind you) "mommy...why does the baby have a knot in her cord?" Ok, normally that would seem weird, but to me, it's not, because my last 2 babies were born with true knots in their cords....no kidding. One time is like a one in a million chance, but two in a row? Thats just unheard of. I don't talk about that in front of my kids so for him to say that freaked me out.

Then last week...right after my SIL lost her baby, my oldest dd comes home and says they are reading this book at school where the story goes that a mom was having a baby, and the big sister was there for the birth... baby came out with cord around neck, baby DIES , mom hemmorages...has hysterectomy...etc, etc.

Yeah, can you even believe they are reading that to my DD in school? THEN she of course tells me about it, but the timing was AWFUL.


And to make matters worse,...it's the size issue.

This is my first homebirth. I know and my midwife agrees that my body can handle bigger babies, I have had 3, 10 lb'ers thus far, and one 9 and one 8...so I just make them big and I have no issues pushing them out (last baby was 10.4 and he came out in maybe 2-3 pushes, mama don't play when it comes to pushing cause I know the faster they come out the faster it's OVER )

But I cannot help but hear people's comments about how *big* they thinkI am and get really really freaked out.

I seriously thought this baby would be smaller than my last, at least I did up until the last week, and now all of the sudden, I look at pics with him at 39 weeks and I see what they are talking about. I...am...huge.
And while I know in my mind i have done tihs before, I am just SUPER emotional over it right now.

I am not trying to be a baby, but I just cannot get over the comments and how they are REEEEALLY getting to me. And to top it off, I am not really expecting to have this child for another week or so, so that's even BIGGER that she will get.

I'm scared.
I don't want to be, but...i am.
Isn't that ridiculous? 7th time mom...you owuld think I could handle this pressure, but it's getting to me.

Sorry to post my big sappy story...I would have journaled about it, but my sil's read my live journal and I don't want to upset them, they are dear to me.
Thanks for listening...

[jazzybaby9]

I don't really know what to say, but to you.....that does seem like a lot to handle right now..and people are so inconsiderate and rude. I don't think they understand how sensitive pg women are about their size..and when they make comments like that it really hits hard. I'm sorry to hear about your brother's and his wife's losses as well. I really hope the baby comes soon for you! You "bake em big" which means they are more likely to be healthy babes!!! At least that's the way I see it Bigger babes are more fun to cuddle with anyway

[angelamclamb]

WOW! #7! That's amazing....I just had #5 last week and we are done...we just have too much on our plate to have any more kids (although I secretly would love more).

I am so sorry for all the stress you are undergoing. I am sure being pregnant in itself with hormones just a flaring doesn't help matters much either. I only gained 23lbs with my last but because I am 5'3 and petite my belly stuck out really big and round and I had the same comments as yourself. I looked like I would litterally pop! I had one guy in a grocery store that crossed in front of me in a hurry and then turned around and said "Wow, if you tuck your legs and arms in you could roll around the store!". I laugh about it now since I looked back at the pics and yes, he was about right too! But it was rude none-the-less. People don't understand how emotional women can be and how things are taken so personally at this point in a pregnancy..some are just plain rude, while others are just plain idiots!

It will be over before you know it! Keep your chin up and HUGS to you!

[emo1221]

I'm sorry people are being so inconsiderate. A lot of the same happened to me on a regular basis, and I was such an emotional wreck the day before I delivered that I'd almost given up and taken to my bed until the baby came, just to avoid people's gawks and stupid questions.

The good news is, you're so close!! I know it seems like you could be pregnant forever, but once that baby is here, none if this will matter. You'll look back and laugh at the fact that people were being rude, and just cuddle your baby. It's totally worth every comment.

[lactivist]

If you bake 'em big then you are made to birth 'em big. From what it sounds like (two pushes) you are made for birthing babies. You will do great. Don't let people get you down. I am sorry that people don't understand how rude they are being and that it none of their business. You just keep focusing on your beautiful birth, your perfect birthing body and you will be holding your baby so soon. Hang in there! Be gentle with yourself.
Wendi

[Zenia]

WHOA!. that is a whole lot to cope with all at once. I think you will do just fine with your home birth relax and trust your body. and the comments.. people just don't know how big women can get. I have been getting the whole twin thing for months now. and got it all the time when I was preg w/ DD.. back when I was 27 weks people thought I was going to pop "any day now" little did they know I was a whole 10+ weks to go.
*hug*.

[StrongBeliever]

*many * Sending calming vibes for all the crazy stuff that is going on in your realm.

On being "big"... Honey, this is your seventh baby. Your uterus has every right to stick out there in all of her wondrous, strong, motherly glory! You bake big babies, and your fabulous roundness is perfect for that. And who knows... Maybe you'll have an incredibly long legged baby. That could be the reason baby is taking up so much space. Whatever the case, don't let others get you down... You aren't "huge", you are accommodating the growth of a new life. Your body is doing exactly what it needs to for this baby, and that is beautiful.

[beautiful_mama]

Originally Posted by StrongBeliever

*many * Sending calming vibes for all the crazy stuff that is going on in your realm.

On being "big"... Honey, this is your seventh baby. Your uterus has every right to stick out there in all of her wondrous, strong, motherly glory! You bake big babies, and your fabulous roundness is perfect for that. And who knows... Maybe you'll have an incredibly long legged baby. That could be the reason baby is taking up so much space. Whatever the case, don't let others get you down... You aren't "huge", you are accommodating the growth of a new life. Your body is doing exactly what it needs to for this baby, and that is beautiful.

Thank you, I really needed to hear that!

Ya know, it's weird because what some of you said has rung a bell with me. It seems like people are always freaking out over the size of a pg belly to some degree,...why is that? I recall comments made to me when I was pg with #5 about being *huge* and she came out SUPER bitty (well, for me anyway, she was a tiny 8.2 lbs ),

Thank you all of you for your words of support, I am better today still tired, but not quite as emotional. I just don't want any of this stuff blocking my mental focus on the birth. It helps to get it out

[jmhammond]

I don't have the magic solution, but a and a hope that the emotional roller coaster will come to a plateau for you soon.

[springmama]

Sorry you are feeling down right now. I am too. I just want to have my baby. My EDD is tomorrow and since it is baby #2 everbody on this planet seems to think that I should have had it by now!!!!! Trust me no one wants this baby out more than me. After all I am the one whose stretch marks get worsr every few days (didn't get them with #1), who can't sleep at night, whose legs and feet hurt all the time, who can't bend over, who has awful heartburn, whose maternity clothes don't fit anymore and who can't keep up with her two year old. I started getting the twin comment at 35 weeks from everybody. One day at 35 wks this lady says to me "oh my gosh your due date must be today you are huge!" I told her no I am not due for 5 wks and she says, " oh you must be having twins." I told her no and she says, "oh my goodness you are going to be so huge!" Just what every pregnant woman wants to hear. I know what you are going through. Why the hell do people, especially complete strangers think that it is ok to comment on a pregnant woman's appearance? My FIL calls my belly scary- yeah that makes me feel great! Sorry I am venting now. Hang in there you will have your baby soon and everything will go well. Don't let others get to you - although I know it is hard. Hugs to you!

[danaalex]

hugs momma!! that is a lot to deal with, without the added annoyance of strangers making comments about the size of your belly.

i think people forget how big MOST women get when they are pg. especially if they go full term, and since a lot of women don't go the full 40 weeks now a days i think they forget even more!!!

my biggest was 9 lbs 4 oz and i was measuring 40+ weeks with her at 38 weeks. i felt big, but not as big as others thought i looked LOL. actually with #3 i felt bigger and she was 2 lbs smaller. i think a ton of it has to do with their positioning and length.

i wish it were easy to ignore the rude and obnoxious comments from the peanut gallery it sure would make life easier if strangers were SUPPORTIVE! instead of just judgemental.

i'm sure all will go well and fast and soon! hang in there!!

[beautiful_mama]

i think people forget how big MOST women get when they are pg. especially if they go full term, and since a lot of women don't go the full 40 weeks now a days i think they forget even more!!!

ya know what? not to harp, but this right here was the thought that crossed my mind earlier today .

I think most people think it's abnormal to go #1 past dates and #2 you hardly ever see women who do now a days. It's always 38 weeks...or less due to inductions, c sections etc.

Thanks again ladies
Today was better I met another mom who said the exact same thing about getting the *twins* and *huge* comments when she was 30 WEEKS along *sigh*

I think our society has simply lost the ability to keep boundaries personally. I mean I should know, I am the queen of the ridiculous comments when I got out with all...6...of...my kids

AND being pg you should hear someof the crap people say to me sometimes right in front of my kids!