Feelings of Guilt

[gwerydd]

i have been dealing with overwhelming feelings of guilt, it gets better sometimes and then gets worse again. i feel guilty that i couldn't keep my bp in control while pregnant, i feel guilty that my dd was born early, i feel guilty that i had a c-section, i feel guilty that my dd was in the NICU, i feel guilty for having PPD, i feel guilty for being hospitalised for it, i feel guilty for listening to a dr who told me to wean her and comprimised my breastfeeding relationship which has only just gotten back on track, i feel guilty when i need someone else to take my dd so that i can take a break- she's my child i should be able to handle her, i feel guilty when my dh stays up with her at night so that i can sleep, i feel guilty that i'm on meds, there are just so many things that i feel guilty about. i am trying to deal with them but my dreams about her birth and babyhood have been shattered by PPD.:

[mom0810]

OH, Hugs to you.

Guilt is a key part of PPD. PPD is a lot of times, due to perfectionism. Are you a perfectionist? Part of healing from this is getting rid of black or white thinking. Nothing is either right or wrong. It just "is". You know?

Are you in therapy? Are you on meds? Both of those things would really help you, I think.

There is nothing to feel guilty about. You have a beautiful baby now, don't you? That is ALL that matters. Try really hard to stop beating yourself up and accept the birth and the trauma after... if it were any different you would not have the outcome ou now have which is a beautiful child. My ds was in the NICU for 5 days and it tore me up for over a year. It still bothers me, but you know, he is HOME, he is HEALTHY, and I did the best I could at the time with what I knew then. When you know better, you can DO better. But don't beat yourself up or be overly critical. Think what you would say to a friend who had gone through the same thing, and then love yourself enough to say that to yourself.

[jbodily]

Oh!

PP Mood Disorders are a real threat to women in our society. It seems that what you were hoping for in your pregnancy and birth were radically different than the end result, thus the reason for your depression. Albert Ellis described these guilty feelings in terms of "should's, could's, and ought's". In other words, our guilt is associated with what we think we shoud have, could have, ought to have done in a specific situation. Unfortunately, we are often forced to deal with issues that are outside of our control and when we look back in retrospect we have to confront the should, could and oughts we set up for ourselves.

I agree with the previous poster that working with a mental health professional could be of great benefit to you and your family. Recognize that all of us face situations that are out of our control. Your physical health sounds like it played a large role in the reason the birth wasn't what you wanted it to be. This would not be something you have complete control over; bodies react differently to pregnancy. If you spend all this energy on the should, could, oughts you are diverting energy from the life you can create now...I know this is easy to say and harder to stop focusing on!!!

I hope you are able to find a balance and reclaim the life you deserve!

Jamie