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Toddler wants to kiss on the lips - Page 3

post #41 of 75
When dd was younger she did lip on lip kisses. It was also her own idea. Nothing wrong with it. Your mil is the one with the issue. If she doesn't want to be kissed on the lips I guess you should tell dd on the cheek only for grandma.

At 7 my dd grudgingly sometimes lets people kiss her cheek or hug her- even me. Those kisses might dry up before grandma knows it anyway.
post #42 of 75
I kiss both my kids on the lips. My DH occasionally kisses his parents on the lips.
post #43 of 75
haven't read all the responses, but we kiss on the lips. It's on the list of things I swore I'd never do as a parent (right after cosleeping... still doing that too!)
post #44 of 75
Dude. Dd kisses us on the lips. I wouldnt worry about you MIL. Thats her issues.
post #45 of 75
As long as it's child-initiated, it's fine with me. I would have a problem with an adult initiating a lip kiss with a child, but maybe I'm weird that way. My two year old kisses on the lips a lot, and that's fine.
post #46 of 75
We are all lip kissers here too, and at 27 I still kiss my family members on the lips, Parents, Grandparents, Cousins, and most definately my kiddies. I agree with everyone that it is you MIL's issues. I also agree that you should respect her boundries and lack of comfort and ask DD to kiss her cheek.
post #47 of 75
another vote for lip kissing
post #48 of 75
My kids kiss on the lips...
post #49 of 75
My DD is a little over 3 and I have started telling her that she should only kiss mommy on the lips (no daddy in our family). Not because I think its wrong but bc of my friend's child.

When her DD was 4, she was touched and kissed inappropriately by a neighbor boy who was @13 and was babysitting. My friend had no reason to believe that he would ever do such a thing, he was good with the neighbor kids, he was from a "good" family (good being her description), he had sat for other kids. Up until that point my friend had never considered talking to her DD about kissing and her DD of course didn't know inherently that the kissing part was wrong (she did know about the touching being wrong) My friend decided that it would be too confusing to try and make "rules" like you can kiss Aunt so and so and Grandma but not Uncle so and so and cousin so and so she told her not to kiss anyone but her and her daddy on the lips. Too me, it seemed like a good rule. It just seemed to go along with the "touching" conversation.

~ Maggie
post #50 of 75
Lip kissers here. Nothing at all wrong with it. I still kiss my grandfather on the lips from time to time. He's been really sick and in the hospital we couldn't really hug b/c of all the machines he was on so he got a kiss on the lips from his (favorite ) granddaughter. I'm sure it made him feel better. I kiss my 8.5 mo dd on the lips all the time.
post #51 of 75
DS2 (3) is a definite lip-kisser. DS1 (10) is not. We just do whatever everyone is comfortable with around here.

I do draw the line when DS2 wants "to kiss like daddy" (open mouth ) Um, that's not appropriate, imo. BUT, I think it's totally normal for a 3yo to want to try things that daddy does. I can explain to him that only daddy kisses mommy like that without making it a big issue, yk?
post #52 of 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by m9m9m9 View Post
My DD is a little over 3 and I have started telling her that she should only kiss mommy on the lips (no daddy in our family). Not because I think its wrong but bc of my friend's child.

When her DD was 4, she was touched and kissed inappropriately by a neighbor boy who was @13 and was babysitting. My friend had no reason to believe that he would ever do such a thing, he was good with the neighbor kids, he was from a "good" family (good being her description), he had sat for other kids. Up until that point my friend had never considered talking to her DD about kissing and her DD of course didn't know inherently that the kissing part was wrong (she did know about the touching being wrong) My friend decided that it would be too confusing to try and make "rules" like you can kiss Aunt so and so and Grandma but not Uncle so and so and cousin so and so she told her not to kiss anyone but her and her daddy on the lips. Too me, it seemed like a good rule. It just seemed to go along with the "touching" conversation.

~ Maggie
Good that it works for you, but I wouldn't make a rule like that. I think it's over-simplifying to the point that it could miss the boat. There can be all sorts of inappropriate kissing that isn't on the lips. I think it would be better to discuss that some kissing gives you the "right feeling" and other kinds give you a creepy/inappropriate feeling. I think we frequently underestimate just how young children can make these distinctions.

Re: post #23 and Grandma's right to calmly ask for cheek kissing. I agree. . . sort of. I guess I'm not clear from the original post if Grandma's objection was because it gave her the heebie-jeebies personally, or because she thought it was a sexually-inappropriate move on the part of the 3-year-old granddaughter and was worried because she was doing "that sort of thing". If Grandma is just personally not liking a smooch on the lips, then it's great that she say so (as suggested: in a kind/non-inflamatory manner). But if she's saying it just b/c she thinks Granddaughter is doing something wrong/provocative, then she should get over it!

We kiss away. My toddler is really having fun with big smoochy puckered lip kisses right now. But I'm one of very few people he deems worthy! :
post #53 of 75
Cora is nearly ten, and we still kiss on the lips. Her dad's whole family does. It's only bad if it's made bad. She also kisses df on the lips, and I'm unconcerned.
post #54 of 75
My 12 year old son still kisses me on the lips.

IMO there is nothing in life better than a slobbery pair of soft toddler lips laying a big on on ya. :
post #55 of 75
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Novella View Post
I guess I'm not clear from the original post if Grandma's objection was because it gave her the heebie-jeebies personally, or because she thought it was a sexually-inappropriate move on the part of the 3-year-old granddaughter and was worried because she was doing "that sort of thing". If Grandma is just personally not liking a smooch on the lips, then it's great that she say so (as suggested: in a kind/non-inflamatory manner). But if she's saying it just b/c she thinks Granddaughter is doing something wrong/provocative, then she should get over it!
Well I'm not sure exactly why she got bent out of shape about it. I got the feeling she just thinks that it's inappropriately intimate, like it's something for "men and women." She's very conservative (in every sense, not just politcally) and was raised in a different country by nannies so maybe it's just not something she experienced as a kid.

I told DH about it and he reacted like he does with most things about his mom, "Well, she'll just have to get over it. That's so stupid." I guess it says more about me that my confidence is so easily shaken by a single comment. So if grandma doesn't want kisses on the lips, that's fine, but there won't be any changes in our household.
post #56 of 75
Yeah my kids kiss on the lips and I've never discouraged. I don't see any reason to. My youngest is 15 months and only kisses on the lips. My oldest goes in and out of kissing phases. Sometimes he won't give kisses at all, sometimes only on the cheek. I go with whatever he wants.
post #57 of 75
We are lip kissers here too. Ds is getting close to 6 and will still kiss me on the lips.

Not everyone is comfortable with lip kissing though. If grandma doesn't want a kiss on the lips, have dc kiss her on the cheek instead.
post #58 of 75
My DD is 2 and kisses on the lips. I've never even considered that it was weird or a problem? I think your MIL is the one with the issue, not your kiddo!
post #59 of 75
We're all lip kissers here (actually, we're everywhere kissers - forehead, noses, bellybuttons, toes, legs and elbows - you get the idea). I kiss a lot of family members on the lips - but now that I think about it, there's some I do, and some I don't. Like my grandpa - he gets kisses on the cheek. Just the way it is - I don't even think about it, it's just the way it happens. My kids kiss just about everyone on the lips. Some people kind of hesitate, but my boys (3 and 5) can be pretty persistent. My dad doesn't like lip kisses, though, and always kinda ducks out of them from the boys (the oldest will look kinda confused for a minute then, okay yea this is grandpa - kiss on cheek). I've told them simply grandpa prefers cheek kisses. No biggie - they're not traumatized or anything, and it doesn't seem to affect their confidence or feelings about kissing everyone else.

And I DO agree - my kids learn to set boundaries (and let other people know them) by understanding other people have boundaries and learning to respect them. It's totally okay (and has happened) where someone wanted hugs or something from my boys and they've said, "No thanks, I don't want to ____ right now"; "I don't feel like it"; "No, that makes me uncomfortable so I don't want to" (*older boy); an even once, "No hug, but you can shake my hand".
post #60 of 75
Your MIL is the one with issues. DH and I still kiss our oldest on the lips, and he'll be 6 next month. In fact, DH's mom still kisses DH on the lips, and he's 25.
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