Originally Posted by savithny
I really *would* like concrete examples of how others do that -- what are ways to convey that to a 2-3-4 year old, without shaming or punishing? Ways that are safe in a public park?
I would just say "I don't like to be talked to in that tone of voice, please." And pretty much, if she were raising her voice to me, there would be something she felt pretty strongly about communicating. So then I'd focus on dealing with that issue with her.
Sometimes I think people are a little too quick to write off the parenting skills or techniques that they see working well with other kids, and unfairly attribute too much to the personality or character of the child with whom they are struggling.
It just makes sense. In the work place, some people can come into a situation and motivate and inspire everyone present. Another individual might have a negative effect on that very same group of people, encounter only opposition and hardship, and will walk out complaining about how difficult and unmanageable the group was.
I've seen it with dd's teachers. Dd comes from a background very high risk for problems with socialization and behavior. When she was challenged by a teacher with poor skills, she became profoundly dysfunctional in a classroom setting, to the point where they started tossing out the idea of testing and official diagnoses.
Taken to a new setting with an excellent teacher and she was again a model child, considered one of the easiest and brightest children in the class.
One of dd's Waldorf teachers was talking about dealing with tough kids. She remarked 'when I find myself struggling with a child, I step back and ask myself - what is it that this child needs that I'm not providing? Nearly always there is an answer, and when it is applied, everything improves.'
I"m not suggesting that children's problems are all caused by parents, or that there is a need or reason to find blame somewhere. Rather, I'm just thinking that, as parents, when we see examples of kids and parents who seem to be doing well together - don't just write it off as an 'easy' child and a 'lucky' parent. Instead, be open to the idea that there might be something to learn there.