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Is this too harsh of a punishment? - Page 11

post #201 of 204
Originally Posted by newmommy View Post
OP, I'm coming in late on this post but I think you did the RIGHT thing by not allowing her to go to the Pizza party.

And I would have done the same as you...followed through on a consequence.

Because my DS tends to behave exactly as you described.
Neither of my girls or my DSS has ever behaved in that manner (for instance, I've never been hit : by any of them -- DD#1 bit my finger once when she was about a year old and my response (a loud, shocked, OUCH!) shocked her so much that she never did it again) and I, too, believe that what you did was a logical, natural consequence.

I'm glad your daughter understands.
post #202 of 204
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
I think it's not really the same kind of thing - you were demonstrating your GENUINE fear. I don't think that we should shield kids from that. It's the only thing that actually stopped my very headstrong dd too when she was in the 'dash away into the street' phase. What you didn't do is follow your fear with punishment.

Instead, you taught your daughter a very, very useful rule. Through modeling, repetition and consistency.
Thanks Lynn that actually makes me feel a little better...I've always regretted loosing it so bad with her that time - but I've always felt guilty relief that she now understands Stop. And it never really occurred to me at the time to punish her - mostly because she would never understand it. She would just see it as mommy scaring her or cutting off love and not understand it as a "consequence". I guess there are some blessings for having a child that is low verbal - the whole punishment thing is basically out of the question! Your reframing helps me think of it differently...

post #203 of 204
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
SUre you can. You explain a million and one times exactly what can happen if they get hit by a car. You talk about how big the car is and how heavy it is etc.
You take your child up to parked cars, trucks and minivans of all sizes and show them how the vehicle is so much larger than them that the drivers cannot even see if a child runs in front of them. Have them touch the vehicles, talk about how solid they are and how badly it would hurt if one hit you-even a little bump.
Explain that it is important that they stay close to an adult because adults are much easier for drivers to see etc.

And keep explaining it NICELY. It works...trust me. I take my son out on public transportation all over a large city, and he doesn't even have to hold my hand most of the time. Because he has been empowered and he understands what he needs to do to be safe and why. And I don;t have an "easy" kid...he is VERY stubborn and strong willed (like his mama ) which is why GD is the ONLY thing that works in our home.
The more I try to force things on him, the more tantrums, arguments and power struggles I encounter.

No need to "Put the Fear Of God" Into Them
That is definitely NOT GD

Thats exactly what works for us too in fact it works so well that ds shouts at the birds to get off the road before they get knocked over. If he ever ran off in a parking lot I would shout 'STOP' usually the tone of my voice (worried but firm) is enough to make him stop in his tracks and then I can bring him back and explain to him why he shouldnt do that. No punishment neccesary.
post #204 of 204
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