Originally Posted by umsami
Even if the parents have issues with their parents, I don't necessarily think that should mean that the kids lose out on their grandparents. Grandparents are another source of unconditional love. Kids shouldn't be denied that.
: It is glad that you have that but you haven't met my mother. My mil offers the unconditional love. My mother and father both get suppervised visits only.
My mother wanted to take only 2 kids to Disney World. This meant leaving a 5 year old behind. My mother said she wouldn't know or remember it wouldn't effect her one bit. My mother refuses to sleep with her grandkids. She would make them a mat on the floor but lets her dogs sleep with her. My mom doesn't think if she has them for a week or two she should allow them to call home or us call them (can't deal with them being upset). My mother cannot shut up about how we are messing them up by homeschooling them. I don't trust her not to quiz and critize them for not knowing something. My mother cannot get off the Ti should know she can have plastic surgery to fix her ears bulls shit (My dd has a birth defect). I cannot get it through her think skull Ti is ok with her body. When she is old enough she can decide to alter her body by herself. She isn't dumb, she loves medical shows, she knows about plastic surgery, she just doesn't KNOW her ears NEED to be fixed and I am not about to have my mom teach her that. There is a lot of conditions to her love.
My dad does give more of the unconditional love but at the same time he does stupid stuff like allow 6 year olds to hold roman candles and get burns.
Some times the abuse isn't physical but emotional something hard to prove. Many older people laugh at this story. I was allowing my mom unsupervised visits with my son. I was pregnant with my second child. I cannot remember what or why I had to be out late but I couldn't pick up my son until 10 pm. She had to be up early so he couldn't stay the night (and I was leary because he would have had to sleep on the floor, plus we had never been appart for overnight). When I came and picked him up he was sitting on a step ladder (simular to this http://www.kaboodle.com/reviews/2-in...-ladder-chair)
. He had a bucket between his legs. I can't remember why my son was sent there but he got the bucket because his tired, up way past bedtime, three year old self couldn't stop crying. They handed him a bucket and told him to cry a buck. My mom and her husband laughed at him he obediantly sat there for over half an hour crying a bucket.
You don't know how many people think that story is just a laugh. My son was emotionally hurt by that. He at 13 only wants to visit an hour or two. He remembers feeling alone. His willingness to go over there was imidately changed. I cannot prove nothing else happen that night there were no marks on my son except tear stains on his face but the servere behavior change and complete resistance from him to visit after that night will always make me wonder. He gets very protective of his sisters and cousins around them. There have been other people that have notice when he is around my mom he seems on gaurd.
I think the other cases of parents being selfish are few and far. There is more to the story than you understand. That man could very well not trust those parents not to belittle him in front of his children. May this story remind us about respecting our children's decissions, dates, and choosen partners. In that case it sounds like because he wasn't respected he isn't giving any and you don't know if they haven't ever given any. Many adult children will ignore repeated disrespect from their parents to their mate.