rethinking my homebirth...

[AGlimmeringHope]

our current living situation isn't ideal. we live in just over 300sq ft in my parents' basement. my parents who constantly argue with each other- including in front of my dd (to the point of yelling so loud I can hear them downstairs, and it does make dd upset: ). dh and i are currently trying to pay off all of our credit cards before we move and save up a small down payment. this will all happen by march of 2008. but definitely *not by december when i'm due.

for the past 8 weeks i've been seeing a homebirth midwife who i adore. i do not like the idea of a hospital birth. i had a not bad, but not what i wanted experience in the hospital with dd. but, i also cannot see my birth going well with the stress and tension that are ever-present in this house. even if we lock ourselves away from my parents in our room. i'm terrified they'll start arguing while the mw is here and she'll hear them...which would embarrass me to no end.

i also have the feeling i'll be 'expected' to be upstairs with the baby all the time in the days after the birth (my dad, who has parkinson's and is a bit irrational and overbearing because of it, already gets upset when dd and i stay in our room vs being upstairs because he feels we should be around him all the time so he can see us. : ), and i want to have a few days to just kind of be alone after the birth with my new baby. honestly, even though the two day stay is one of the things i hated about the hospital the most (it felt like baby and i were in jail- i was at the mercy of other's for even food since i can't stomach the stuff the hospital brings to your room and they won't let me take baby with me down to the cafeteria where the food is great), right now it kind of sounds like a vacation. especially if i go to the closest hospital to allow a waterbirth- 50 miles away.

i just don't know if i could even expect to get any of the great benefits of a homebirth when i'm in such a volatile home. but the thought of 'firing' my midwife scares me, too- i don't want to have to admit to her why i'm changing my mind.

what would you ladies do?

[janellesmommy]

Could you give birth at your midwife's house? Or someone else's house?

[AGlimmeringHope]

Originally Posted by janellesmommy

Could you give birth at your midwife's house? Or someone else's house?

Unfortunately, no. The only options are here or the hospital.

[mamallama]

I think you should talk about it with your midwife. Your dad has an illness--there's no shame in that.

It's part of your midwife's job to talk with you about what difficulties you think might come up during your labor and birth. She should also help you figure out a plan for dealing with those difficulties.

[CaraboosMama]

Originally Posted by mamallama

I think you should talk about it with your midwife. Your dad has an illness--there's no shame in that.

It's part of your midwife's job to talk with you about what difficulties you think might come up during your labor and birth. She should also help you figure out a plan for dealing with those difficulties.

I agree! I am so sorry you are having such a hard time during suck a special time

[beaches1098]

I agree to talk with your midwife. She understands the emotions surround birth and women in general. She may be able to offer you solutions you have not thought of. As a midwife or doula we help to protect the birthing space. If you really feel a connection with her it can only be a benefit I believe to asking for her help. Wishing for you a peaceful birth and babymoon.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I'd still stay home. There's a good chance it'll be night time and your parents can sleep through the labor. Who cares what they expect about the postpartum period. If you don't leave your bed, what are they going to do about it?

[laohaire]

If I couldn't use the midwife's or a friend's house, I'd consider a hotel or motel room.

And yes, you should discuss your concerns with your midwife; she may have another solution that might work very well for you.

[laurata]

I'd stay home. Tell your midwife what's going on. Do you have a bathroom downstairs? Can she tell them, no stairs for two weeks.

[triplembride]

Originally Posted by laohaire

If I couldn't use the midwife's or a friend's house, I'd consider a hotel or motel room.

And yes, you should discuss your concerns with your midwife; she may have another solution that might work very well for you.

this was my idea a hotel room for the day or 2??

[True Blue]

How about you ask your midwife to "order" you to stay in bed/in your room for 3 days after birth? She could tell you in front of your parents or leave you written orders.....

[barefootpoetry]

I am so sorry your home situation is less than ideal. I had problems, not similar to yours, with where I was living when I gave birth to my DS that steered me away from homebirth too. However, I wish I could have worked harder to find ways around those problems, because my hospital birth was horrific and I wish I'd been brave enough to try homebirth.

I second (or third?) the idea of a hotel/motel room. There are no birth centers near me, so that would be the only option if home and hospital were ruled out.

I truly hope you get your homebirth, even if it's not "at home."

[ralphie76]

I can totally understand the family dynamics causing you to choose something other than a homebirth, but I'd like to encourage you not to worry about the amount of space- I was just at my friend's homebirth in their TINY European apartment- probably not even 300sqft. When they first met with their midwife there they told her they thought they couldn't have a homebirth because their place was so small, and her response was "What, do you think she is giving birth to an elephant?" It turned out none of us ever even noticed the amount of space or lack thereof- it worked out perfectly. And lots of women give birth confined to hospital rooms smaller than that too. Good luck with whatever you choose.

Postpartum- can you ask a trusted friend or other relative to run interference for you with your family and keep them out of your space for a mini babymoon?

[AGlimmeringHope]

Update:

I broke down and just told my mom all that was bothering me. We worked a lot of things out. If my dad happens to be having a bad day when I go into labor, she said they's gladly leave the house (okay, if he's having a bad day, he won't be too glad about it ) until we were ready for them to come back. I feel much better about the situation all around.

DH and I also briefly talked and decided we're getting rid of most of our stuff that's down here and redoing the area to use the space more wisely. That way we won't feel so stressed, cluttered, and claustrophobic.

[barefootpoetry]

HURRAY!!! Sometimes that's the hardest part, is working up the courage to approach people who are causing problems. I'm SO GLAD that you reached a resolution and can have your peaceful homebirth now.

[AKmoose]

Just wanted to chime in and say I'm so glad for you Happy birthing!