May "06 mamas, week of 9/23/07 - Page 5

[**Mia**]

Kathryn, I'm sorry you're having a tough time of it all!

gnutter- have you tried babywearer.com's website or their forums for mei tai patterns? I have a custom baby hawk that doesn't get much use anymore, for a while it was because Selah was too heavy for me, and then DH just stopped because she wants to walk everywhere. When I ordered my baby hawk I'd talked to the woman who makes them to get advice on what to get since Selah was on the bigger baby side, and she suggested the baby hawk, but I wish I'd have gotten the toddler one, I could've always rolled it up a bit!

Anyway, is anyone's LO getting really defiant? The last couple of weeks Selah's been looking at me when I tell her to do something (that she normally does) and shaking her head no, or just running in the opposite direction!

[Blue Lotus]

Not much time here, but i'll try to get it all in before dd wakes up!
gnutter - C still likes to be worn at times, and when it doesn't need new tires, she *loves* riding in the stroller. : Weird girl had never been in a stroller until climbing in another mamas stroller about 2-3 months ago! Anywhoo, there is a sling sewing yahoo group, and mei tai patterns often come up. They're really simple, just remember to do angled straps (about a 45 degree angle outward) on top, and I suggest padding on the shoulders to help with the weight. Otherwise, there are some links on thebabywearer.com site to sewing one, I think in the articles section.

Mary - I hope the issues with your IL's get better. For me, I would have to at least try to talk to them about it, or it would fester until I exploded. Keeping those emotions in is really bad for your physical and emotional health, so dealing with it one way or another is really important, even if you just tell them how you feel and nothing changes.

Talking - C still uses sign a huge amount, and she signs short sentences and communicates very effectively to us. She has a number of her own words or sounds for a lot of thinkg, but the only recognizable ones are still mama & dada. Her grandparents are gramma & grampa (DH's), and Nana & Opa (mine). I have to agree with Amy (BambooMama), if we hadn't been teaching dd sign, we all would be SO much unhappier!!

Since dd isn't allowed tv, she has little or no knowledge of Dora or Elmo, which i'm pretty happy about right now. If she gets exposed to it at a playgroup or something that's fine, but she isn't seeing it at home.

Spoons - C has been playing with spoons as toys for so long, she likes to practice picking up things in them while playing (crackers, dry cereal, balls, bits of paper, cat crunchies), I say just keep them accessible & she will pick it up on her own.

Anywhoo, big hugs to the mamas that need it. It is time for dinner here, and the babe is grumbling awake (we both have colds today, and she is having a tough time trying to nurse and breathe at the same time ). Hope everyone who needs it gets a nice visit from the Sandman tonight!!

[Marylizah]

Thanks again for all the support, everyone.

Max and Blue Lotus, I think you've both hit the nail on the head. I need to express, somehow, the things that are bothering me. I like the letter idea. I think I'll also try to (gently) express stuff as it happens, and not let it fester.

Things are going better than I expected, DH gave MIL a talking-to on Sunday and she's actually tried really hard to keep her mouth under control.

I've also realized that to get over what happened last year I need to forgive myself. Every time I talk to people about what happened they say stuff like "No WAY would *MY* MIL ever have gotten away with anything like that!" or variations of the above. I realized that I blame myself for not setting limits earlier and not being the mama bear I should have been. I need to accept that I was in a fragile place and that I did the best I could under the circumstances.

We only have 3.5 weeks of visit left, I can make it!!

[~*max*~]

Originally Posted by Marylizah

I've also realized that to get over what happened last year I need to forgive myself. Every time I talk to people about what happened they say stuff like "No WAY would *MY* MIL ever have gotten away with anything like that!" or variations of the above. I realized that I blame myself for not setting limits earlier and not being the mama bear I should have been. I need to accept that I was in a fragile place and that I did the best I could under the circumstances.

We only have 3.5 weeks of visit left, I can make it!!

That's pretty insightful Mary. I think you are right. Try to keep in perspective that last year you were a new, postpartum mom. Everything is harder then, never mind an overbearing MIL who negates everything you do. It is really easy for people to say that they woul never allow such behavior from their MIL, but until someone walks in your shoes they never truly know. IMO, you did an AMAZING job parenting Geo in the face of a lot of stress - look what a wonderful, smart little boy he is!

Kathryn, how are you doing? I have been thinking of you. I hope you are well mama.

Yesterday LO and I went on a field trip to a park w/dd(3)'s preschool. LO loved it! She is just happiest when she is surrounded by kids. It is so cute. At the end of the trip we went back to the preschool & the kids were playing for a few minutes. LO sat down at the little table w/them and drew her first picture! I had never given her crayons before and she fugured it right out.

We go back to the chiro today. LO is making a lot of progress w/crawling & standing. I am so relieved. I try not to dwell on it, but a lot of times I wonder if the meds I took for preterm labor have anything to do with her delays. I know there is certainly nothing I can do about it now, and perhaps it was necessary in the long run (if she were born that early, she would likely have even more significant issues) but given the fact that she was actually born past her due date, after I had the stopped the meds weeks earlier, I do wonder if it was senseless.

And along those lines, I just realized that including my pregnancy, I have been dealing w/my prolapse & bladder issues for two years!! I am so ready to be done w/this. Sometimes it really wears me down. When my chiro was talking to me about it at my last apt, I just started crying. I felt like such an idiot. I just want to be well again, but it looks like this is about as good as it is going to get without surgery.

OK, whining over. Thanks for listening. I am still trying to work this all out and sharing w/you mama friends really does help. I don't talk about it much IRL - it's not like I can say to ppeople "Hey, wanna hear about my uterus falling out of my vagina?" Not the most comfortable conversation.

Have great days all!

[gnutter]

Max~~hugs to you mama--and you can tell us all about your uterus anytime you wnat. I have a feeling your friends here are the few people you will find who find those conversations completely fine.

I really just want to tell everyone here how great they are--since being on here everyone has had so many ups and downs-life gets so hard sometimes and sometimes its so great. I just feel so glad I can come here and share things with like minded women who don't say things that pi$$ me off. Losing my ability to nurse was treated like no big deal by everyone else but I knew I could come here and everyone would understand how sad it was. We all understand why Max doesn't want surgery-we all understand this unique point of view we have in our little shared community. I just want to say thank you so much, really really, thank you.

[NYCVeg]

max...on the one hand, I want to say don't beat yourself up! OTOH, I really understand where you're coming from. I can't tell you how many times I've thought "What IF I didn't eat peanuts when I was pregnant with dd?" "What if I took the d@mn sleeping pill the midwife gave me right after she was born and didn't go over 3 days w/ literally zero sleep? Would it have helped with the depression and all the results of that depression?" There's no way to know. While I wish I had done some things differently, there's no guarantee that things would have turned out differently. It's really hard to come to peace with your "mistakes", though, even if they're only mistakes in your own mind.

Grandparents: my parents are Grandma and Poppy; dh's parents are Grandpa and Gran. Nothing too exciting, I'm afraid!

Was there something about spoons? Dd has been using one since about 12 months. I actually think it's pretty funny, since we never spoon-fed her (we got a lot of that "But how will she ever learn to use a spoon!?!" stuff). Occasionally she'll let you spoon a bite of oatmeal or something into her mouth, but usually she grabs the spoon and wants to do it herself. She's not 100% coordinated, though. It's very fun to give her a spoon and a bowl of applesauce and watch the fun!

ecoteat...I agree with you completely on the TV issue. But, then, like you, I'm in a position where it's *relatively* easy not to use TV to "watch" dd (well, given that we don't get TV service, I guess it's very easy!). I don't what it would be like if I had 3 or 4 kids running around! OTOH, I have disturbing memories of my sister parking her then 10-month-ds in his high chair in front of Baby Einstein--his mouth was hanging open and he was staring like he was in a coma (and this was in a house full of relatives, any of whom would have been delighted to play w/ him). It really freaked me out. I think people on MDC are pretty mindful about how they use television, though.

[**Mia**]

I have to go make breakfast, but to Mary, max & gnutter, and I know what you mean about the great support we have here from all our other may mamas, I completely agree.

I agree with you too Amada about "mistakes" I have a lot of guilt about certain things that I've done or not done and I have a hard time letting go, but I need to.

I slept around 10 hours the night before last and so last night sucked! I'm going on 3 hours of sleep today- it's going to be a long day!

[ecoteat]

Originally Posted by gnutter

I really just want to tell everyone here how great they are--since being on here everyone has had so many ups and downs-life gets so hard sometimes and sometimes its so great. I just feel so glad I can come here and share things with like minded women who don't say things that pi$$ me off. Losing my ability to nurse was treated like no big deal by everyone else but I knew I could come here and everyone would understand how sad it was. We all understand why Max doesn't want surgery-we all understand this unique point of view we have in our little shared community. I just want to say thank you so much, really really, thank you.

Ah, you're making me all teary. And you are so right. This is a great group of mamas here.

[Sydnee]

Originally Posted by ecoteat

Well, one recent study (discussed here) found clear negative effects of toddler tv. Of course, one study doesn't mean everything, but it's something to consider. For me, though, the most upsetting thing about that article is this:

Just another reason I'm odd, I guess. I personally really dislike tv, so there are few opportunities for Phoebe to see it. Also, with there being only one of her and dh and I working outside the home a total of 25 hours a week between us, I know we have it pretty easy. When we were looking for a babysitter, if a place included tv in the rotation of things the kids did, that was a deal-breaker for us.

Anyway, enough about that. I wish I had time for personals, but I have lots of lesson planning to do. I will squeeze in a hug for Kathryn, though--I hope it gets better for you soon!

Just wanted to add, that I don't mean kids under the age of two. I'm pretty strict about Alayna ( and was with the other two) not watching any TV. Which she doesn't. I just don't think that older kids watching a program or two is life threatening, ya know? It all depends on the situation. Even with having alot of kids here during the day, they will watch about an hour to an hour and a half of TV a day. That's during quiet time, when the little ones are sleeping. I have alot of activities to keep them busy. But, somedays, it's very easy to turn the TV and have some peace and quiet too.:

gnutter- You are sooo right on. We have an AWESOME group of ladies here! For me it's especially great, because I have noone around me who thinks the way I do.

Tonight I go see SheDaisy!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sooo excited! Finally a night out for mama!! Have a great weekend!!

[mom2nat&will]

hi everyone im still here. I tried to get caught up and only got to about page 3 but I wanted to post to update everyone on my life. I turned 28 on wednesday, it wasn't a very good birthday as we found out on Tuesday that my husbands mom has cancer. She was admitted to the hospital Tuesday and may go home on monday. The short version is that there are 2 tumors in her lungs, one has a lession which has broken off and launched itself in her brain, causing slurred speech and severe headaches. The dr's say 6 months to 1 year. and my husband is a wreck, he and his mom have always been very close. He's leaving next week to fly up to Oregon for a couple weeks to spend some time with her.

alright well im off to go lay down as dd is sick w/ a fever (so relaxing) and ds is napping.

[JayGee]

Ack I can't keep up! Both DDs are napping (miracle of miracles) so I actually have a few minutes to read.

First of all, Erika, I am so sorry to hear that your MIL is sick .

TV ~ we watch some TV here. DD1 rarely naps so I let her watch an hour most afternoons around 3:00pm. My DH loves to watch an episode of SpongeBob on DVD with the kids just before bedtime (I know, but they all adore this special somewhat "forbidden" time with their Papa!) Kirsten hasn't seen much TV, but does know "BobBob" :.

Spoons ~ Kirsten will ONLY feed herself anymore and is quite adept with both a spoon and a fork. She's got very strong fine motor skills. Things like yogurt tend to get a bit messy though.

Talking ~ huge single word vocabulary (50+ words), but no stringing words together yet.

Babywearing ~ Kirsten is SO not into being slung anymore. She prefers to walk. She would rather push the stroller than sit in it. Her favorite daily activity is to push her stroller to the bus stop to pick up DS, and then shout "BUS!" as soon as it rounds the corner. Then she'll wave madly, screaming "Gubby"! (her word for Jacob) until she sees him and can give him a full body hug. OMG, it's hysterical!

I really feel like she's growing up awfully fast. I mean, she's only 16 months old and basically, nursing is her only "baby" thing left. Talks, feeds herself, walks everywhere, even sits on the potty on occasion to poop. She seems so big to me. It's bittersweet, since she is our last.

[TxMominCT]

Hey guys I'm hanging in there. DH and I got to chat for a few minutes Thursday night. We didn't discuss anything that was frustrating us because we both know 1)we didn't have time 2) we can't really change it right now and 3)we'd both end up much more angry before we'd get better and it wouldn't accomplish anything. It was nice just to talk to him for a little while. We hardly ever do that I'm always studying or with Clara when I'm home. Thursday night I decided to quit freaking out about how he isn't doing anything and try to see everything from his perspective, I cleaned the whole house, let him nap and made dinner. I felt better because I was doing something for him, and it really perked him up too. He got several things done today he'd been procrastinating on. That made me feel much better, he even cooked dinner tonight which was great because I had to sit in traffic a long time coming home and wasn't in a great mood. I read a book a long time ago that really helped me with marriage stuff, and it really worked this time! I know we are both feeling a lot better, even though the situation hasn't really changed, and we know it won't until I graduate.

On the happy side, I had my day in an inpatient pediatric psych unit, and surprise surprise I really LOVED it! Before this I was on a strict OB to nurse midwife track, maybe I'll try this out!

Spoon, Clara is okay with it, it's still pretty messy and she gets sick of how much work it takes and switches to her fingers after about 5 bites! (this includes yogart!)

Clara's really vocal and has been stringing together sentences this month, very cool! Most of the time DH and I don't believe it though and deny it unless we both hear it simultanously!


JayGee-I hear you on the baby thing, Clara still looks really young, but her behavior is so advanced! I want my baby back!

gnutter and ecoteat- this is a great group! I love you guys too! It's nice to have a "safe" space with people who share your ideals especially when your professor is discounting them!!!

Someone was asking about babywearing, I got the toddlerhawk, it is the only MT I have Clara was 8mo when we got it so I figured that she'd need a bigger one, she stopped growing though, so it's still WAY big! She still really likes it.

Erika-I'm so sorry about your MIL!

Marylizah- I'm sorry that things are rough right now, I know how you feel about beating yourself up about past parenting stuff, I do it a lot too. Don't though! You are a great Mom and it's never too late to change the situation!

Okay, I'm going to quit procrastinating! I gotta go study!

[gnutter]

I didn't get the toddlerhawk-instead I talked to a WAHM on hyenacart and she is making me a toddler mei tai-she had pics of her toddler in one of hers and it is perfect. I even got to pick my fabrics-this will be a real treat for me because I get everything used-or I make it myself.This one will be handmade and new-I will post a pic when it comes in. I am so excited.

on a bigger note I finished my accounting test. My teacher gave me afew extra days and I have spent like 6 hrs a day on accounting-my brain is fried but all my accounts balance and I will be emailing it to him tomorrow. :
This was really hard because I was two weeks behind from being sick. hurray!



Erika-I read about your MIL--I am so sorry. We went through the same thing with dh's mom. Hers was breast cancer that had spread to her brain. That is a terrible thing-I am so so sorry.

[Hevyne]

Holy Moly!! You can tell summer is over by the size of this thread Well, I finally got caught up and I need to go to bed but I just wanted to add that LO still loves to be worn b/c it puts him face to face w/ his favorite thing in the world....my boobs!! I have a www.kozycarrier.com (I can' t seem to insert a link tonight for some reason...)which is a meitai, but my question is, what is the difference between what I have and a toddler mei tai or a toddlerhawke?

[mamacatsbaby]

Can't stay long but wanted to give a big to all who could use one . Oh, and I hope I didn't step on any toes with my IL boundaries. MIL and I have been through it with each other before (before DS) and we're fine now. We talked about what happened. I know the type of person I am as well as the type of person she is. I have dealt with enough people thinking they can treat me however they wish and it's just not going to happen. I'm a very loving and caring person. I respect others and deserve respect in return. It took me some time over the years to know and really believe this. Honestly, I do know that I'm not the one and am just not having it.

ETA: I just realized that this sort of makes it sound like my MIL is some sort of tyrant . She's actually very sweet. We had to talk some stuff out though.

[**Mia**]

Hi mamas,

Erika, I'm sorry you didn't have a good birthday, and I'm especially sorry about your MIL.

to everyone, it seems like we all need one!

Hevyne, a toddlerhawk/babyhawk is just a brand of mei tai, the one I have has burgundy straps and Mod Floral on one side with a pocket, and Burgundy Gothic Rose on the opposite side with a pocket. I love it and wish Selah would hang out in it more often, I think after reading and talking about it this week I'm going to try to get her on me again for walks.

We're off to my aunt's this weekend, hopefully to relax a bit, it's been a hard week here too. My mom went to Blythe yesterday with one of her cousins to pick up her oldest sister, my aunt who has leukemia. They've brought her out here to their sister's house, probably to pass away, it's gotten really bad now. I'm not meaning to sound callous but I hope it's soon, she's obviously ready, and in such horrible pain all the time now. Anyway, big hugs and prayers for everyone dealing as best they can with the rough situations they're in. Take care mamas!

[Marylizah]

Max: . Talk about your uterus all you want! You know at MDC we're all huge uterus fans. And mama-guilt-- next to mama-love it's one of the strongest, most overwhelming feelings on the planet. I think we all wonder about doing things differently, often! Your LO is doing so great and she's so lucky to have you as her mama.

Erika, I'm so, so sorry about your MIL. That's just awful.

Mia, I'm so sorry about your aunt. I hope the end is soon and as peaceful as possible for all of you.

MCB, I don't know if you were talking about my post but I just wanted to say you didn't step on any toes with me!!! I thought MIL and I had hammered stuff out, but I think the coming of the grandchild and then of course all the trauma surrounding the war and the way they arrived here sort of upset the balance we had established. I am not a very confrontational person (though I'm getting better at it) and anyway.... Looking back, I wish I had been more assertive with her to make life better for all of us. It's too late to change what happened, so I'm trying to make my peace with it, draw my lessons and move on. But just wanted to clarify, you know I love you lots, mama!!

gnutter, ecoteat: I couldn't agree more! This place has gotten me through some seriously tough times.

Have a good Saturday, all.

[~*max*~]

Good morning mamas. Rough night here last night - LO was up & screaming a ton. She was definately in some kind of pain - I think teething or ears. When I trie asking her what hurt, she put her fingers in her mouth so it is likely teeth. But this was pretty severe for teeth! I even gave her ibuprofin and it didn't seem to help at all. My ped office is open on weekends, but all I can think of if we go is I'll probably get stuck seeing the ped there who recommended the CT scan. I am not ready to deal w/her yet! The other thing I am wondering is that I have been avoiding onions for most of LO's life. They really seemed to upset her tummy when she was little. Last night dh made something w/a lot of onions. I ate it bc it seemed she had grown out of this, but maybe not? Anyone else's dc still have nursing food sensitivities?

And I must agree w/all the mamas who posted about this - our thread is such an amazing support. I really look forward to "talking" to you all each day and you have helped me so through so many tough times. I am a pretty reserved/private person IRL, so like I said about my prolaps, I rarely talk about these things. It helps so much to know I can come here & talk about anything and always be supported.

And for a few personals, Erika, I am so sorry about your MIL. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Mia, I am also so sorry about your Aunt. I am sure that being near you and her loved one will help make her time peaceful.

Gretchen, hooray for finishing the accounting exam!! Great work mama. And your new mei tei sounds really nice. Enjoy your special treat! I have a luscious velvet-like Eden mei tei, but sadly it doesn't get much use. LO is too big for the front carry & the back is really uncomfortable for me. Sometimes dh wears her on his back. I still ring-sling her quite a bit when we are out though.

Now Lo is awake... be back soon. Love to all,

[mamacatsbaby]

Oh Marylizah I'm glad mama! I used to have a problem being assertive and expressing my feelings, sometimes still have to talk myself through it, sometimes doesn't happen, and I react strongly to people being mistreated and disrespected.

Your ILs just piss me off . And I cannot stand the way your MIL is being. It makes me angry and frustrated that you have to deal with it so I guess all that came out in my post. I'm very sensitive to other people's emotions, IRT or over the 'puter.

So yeah, I've dealt with people trying to pull crap on me and at times I've let it happen as I didn't want to be seen as "mean" or "difficult" or other things. I've promised myself not anymore. I now realize strong doesn't equal mean or beeyotchy. I can still be nice and be straightforward about my needs and wants but if the claws have to come out so be it : . I get tested on this all the time. Sometimes it's all good, sometimes I need to work on it.

Gotta run, off to the last farmers market in the park for the season! Happy Saturday all!

ETA: smilie fixage and typo corrections

[~*max*~]

Is anyone dressing their kids up for Halloween? We just had fun going through our box of costumes, trying them on, and having the kids chose what they want to be. I was going to buy them their costumes this year, but money is tight right now and we have all these fabulous homemade cotumes that a relative gave us. The kids were very pleased, so I am glad. The each get to be two things, since we have two events (at least, probably more) and lots of costumes to go around. Ds(7) is going to be a bat. His costume has really cool wings. He loves it so much he wants to wear just this one. Dd(6) is going to be a panda bear and an indian princess. Dd(3) is going to be a fairy and Violet from Incredibles. And LO inherits a fleecy pink bunny costume as well as a dalmation puppy costume. Phew! That's one less thing to worry about buying.