Uh-oh, the pride monster rears!

[GinaRae]

I have felt like I've lost faith in myself and boo-hoo me.

Well, my grandma just wrote me that my mother wrote her to say I won't be having a homebirth, that the midwife backed out.

Technically no. We're tossing the ideas of backing out ourselves before we're risked out, and I assumed we will be risked out.... BUT I do have a couple of weeks yet.

My pride swelled and I was like, "Oh no she didn't!"

My mother would love nothing more than to have me risk out of a homebirth and she's jumping the gun by telling everyone.

I assume she's telling everyone because she hasn't even mentioned to grandma that I've been sick, now suddenly she is telling her we WERE having a homebirth and now we're not. So she must be just jumping up and down with joy. She told me how I couldn't have a healthy homebirth, you know.

My husband thinks we still have some fight left in us and as of this moment, I do too. She really ticked me off!

Will I feel this way tomorrow? I don't know. I don't know what more I can do to stop this freight train, but I need to try, eh? That way I won't regret it if I am risked out... I will know I did my best.

[scheelimama]

Gosh, I can totally understand that! I'd feel the same way. But do what's in your and your baby's best interest, no matter how hard it is on your pride.

[Kontessa]

I am so happy you have your hubby to be supportive. Remember that we are hormonal and a little crazy and support is really important. Thus having a doula and such for some of us. We can change our minds more often then normal even and not even know what we want, though the day before it seemed clear that we really had a plan.

Make a plan in writing, tell those who support you, and when you feel weak let the plan and your support carry you to what you wanted before you felt low.

My thoughts anyway.

As for your mum.... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

[renaissanceed]

I hear you about the pride thing. It really sucks that your mother is so unsupportive of your choices that she is making announcements for you about homebirth.

Although we were fortunate enough to have a successful homebirth with DD, I know that my in-laws are horrified by the thought and nothing would please them more than if we ended up in the hospital and the baby ended up being totally formula fed for whatever reason. As it is, right now, MIL can only comment with delight that I am getting nice and fat now (I was shocked with DD when her first comment upon hearing I was pregnant was "Oh goody, we get to see you get fat" but I've gotten used to this sort of weird may only negative things come your way treatment).

I suspect that your mother may in fact be a bit jealous that you get to even have the option of a homebirth, underneath her spiteful comment.

Anyway, although it is tempting to try to have the baby at home regardless just to show her, I wouldn't let her opinions sway the decision you have to make. Although I would certainly go out of my way to let her know that it was your decision, not the MWs and the reasons for the decision.

[Momma Aimee]

sorry about your mom

i totally see whanting to pull out of the MW and the BH rather than be risked out -- in fact i think you really need to take THAT into conseration and make your choice before the MWs choose for you -- again so you feel in conrtol of the birth.

I hate it when my mm or dad tries -- even meaning well-- pass on information .... nothing is ever are simple as it seems, yk??

Aimee

[GinaRae]

My mother is an old school nurse whom has NO experience in L&D besides her own births (they don't have a maternity ward in her hospital) and doesn't have a natural bone in her body, so she just does NOT see how this is a healthy option. My grandmother is the same way (my 55 year old father's mother) and had 5 preemie babies, so she doesn't get it either and was happy to tell me she was glad they risked me out.

I know you're all probably right and I should walk away now, but I am not sure yet. Can't seem to take that actual step yet.

[sorteep]

that pride might come in handy.. might just give you the extra oomph to WILL yourself to stay under the risk radar!! Never underestimate the sheer force of will!! many hugs