tired of the fight

[choochymama]

i've been depressed for a while...it runs in the family. i've been very resistant to meds, but i'm finally giving in.

quite a few people have urged me to try them, some of them very anti-medication...what does that say?

it bothers me a bit but if it will help me be a better/more even tempered mother and wife, i'll do it.

i'm also trying to rebuild my business and the mood swings are a problem. i need to be steady...and patient and healthy

i've tried supplements and lifestyle changes but have never been consistent

my dh is very upset that i want to try meds but i just don't know what else to do. i need to find out.

it's a comfort to be here with you...who know what it's like.

i'm almost 40...this has been a problem for 20+ years. i don't want my babes growing up with a wacko mom.

just my late night intro...

j

[timneh_mom]

Oh mama...

I know a lot of us here can understand how you feel... your family needs you to be well, and you will be SO relieved once you get to that point... but it can be so hard to make that decision... I was on meds a few years before I got pregnant and it made me nervous but it did help... and since then I have learned what I have to do to keep from going down in the hole again... make sure not to isolate myself, get enough sleep/rest, eat well, get outside, make sure I have something to look forward to each day. It's a little harder with kids but something I need to keep striving for.

I am 38 and have struggled with depression on and off throughout my life as well... not just as an adult. But I grew up in a very stressful home.

I couldn't read and not respond!! If you need the meds, that's ok. It's not a weakness on your part! Some of us just do. Once you start feeling better, it will get easier!

[timneh_mom]

Sorry about all the multiple posts...

[timneh_mom]

[timneh_mom]

[creektownmama]

I'm so sorry for your struggle and I know what its like,
With my first baby it hit me pretty hard when she was around 6 months and lasted what seemed like forever (about 2 yrs). I really did not want to take meds and was very very defensive when anyone suggested them. I did a ton of therapy and worked through alot of stuff, but no amount of talking could cut through the fog. As a last resort I took the meds, and although there were some real side effects, I'm really glad I did. It helped me find the energy to do other good stuff for myself (like exercise, socialize, find holistic solutions) It was a rough road, but it all worked out. I took the meds for about 9 months and really worked hard to stay aware of the danger signs. I think it's alot easier to help yourself when you are somewhat balanced and the meds helped me get there. Care of the soul is a book by Thomas Moore. I found it to be comforting. So sorry ---but you are definetly not alone.

Ps. I have a new baby (5 mo.) and the midwife started me on B12 shots right after delivery because of my history. I think they've helped and I take the pill form each day with my prenatal vit. and I make sure I get out--alot!

Erica

[timneh_mom]

OH goodness... I tried posting I think RIGHT as MDC was crashing yesterday (or rather, shut down) and I really apologize for the multiple posts!! I didn't think it had gotten posted at all!

[amaretto]

I have never done any extensive reading about depression but an ex-boyfriend was there and had gone on medication for some time.
So, some time ago, I read "HOW TO HEAL DEPRESSION" by Harold Bloomfield and Peter McWilliams and it somehow helped to sort things out regarding medication and other stuff about depression. Anyway, trying to find info about the book, I found it online here: http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/dep/

[choochymama]

thanks for replies/support

thanks ladies!

i have to say, i'm second guessing the whole medication thing...thinking maybe i can just do this on my own

but the truth is i need a boost so i can do the things that will keep me in balance.

it's a little overwhelming and there's something about admitting the struggle that almost makes me feel more depressed. like i can finally stop pretending.

i have some referrals for people who prescribe. i want the right meds for me!

i really don't want to back down and stay stuck in this sticky, heavy energy.

wish me luck!

J

[wannabemoms]

I just wanted to add my 2 cents as the partner of someone with clinical depression, who is using medication.

There is SUCH a terrible stigma associated with both depression and anti-depressants, which is completely and utterly unwarranted and unfair to the person who is suffering from the disease. Yes, it is a disease, caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, over which the person has no control whatsoever.

There is nothing wrong with taking medication to correct these imbalances. The thing is, you still have to do all "the work" yourself. Basically what the medication will do is take you up to the edge of that dark pit you're finding yourself stuck in (which right now looks horribly unescapable because you're trapped right at the bottom). This can give you that glimmer of hope that will ALLOW you to focus on working hard on getting well and developing new, healthy behaviours...all by yourself. Medication is not a cure-all, but it is a tool to help you help yourself.

There is no shame in depression, or in seeking treatment.

Good luck.

[mom0810]

GREAT post, wannabemoms. It is so true. I was so against taking meds for myself, but it's like someone turing the light on in a dark room so you can find your way out.

When you are in such a state, you just can't do it for yourself. The meds give you the strength to help yourself, but therapy is also essential. The meds make it so you can do the work in therapy.

I'm hoping you find the help you need, OP. There is a light out there, and things can be so much better.

[shell024]

thanks for this thread. I totally know how you feel, and Dp is not keen on meds so its hard for me to take that step...but I too am looking for a better road...or at least one without so many potholes!

[choochymama]

thanks again for thoughtful replies...

i find myself trying to talk myself out of getting help, but haven't i been doing that for the last 20 years? sometimes i wonder how much depression has shaped my life.

yesterday i felt so low, i know it's time to get on it.

i feel the stigma...and find myself saying, maybe if i had more gratitude i wouldn't feel this way.

ENOUGH.

i'm going to make the call first thing monday. i'm curious to see what might happen if i actually get a boost out of the pit and can get some healthy habits in place.

thanks again,

j

[mom0810]

HI,

Please let us know after you go for help. Most of us have done the same thing, and since depression is kind of cyclical, sometimes it's easy to talk yourself out of finding help. But please do.

Find a good therapist who can get you in to a good psychiatrist. That's the only way I would go about finding meds. I don't recommend going to a GP, neither do most of us here. A psych. knows the meds the best and can start you off right.

SO happy for you that you are going to call. Let us know how it goes.

[choochymama]

update

well, i went to see a psyciatric nurse for evalution. i liked her a lot. she made several recommendations.
1. get thyroid tested
2. get more sleep (re-arrange co-sleeping which i was wanting to do anyway)
3. consider night weaning and maybe weaning alltogether (though she was subtle on this point)

in her opinion, i seemed to be mildly bi-polar. this makes so much sense but at the same time it is a little disturbing.

i haven't really followed up. i think i needed to take it all in. i have moved my three year old to his own bed. he's pretty excited about it.

i have a thyroid screen from the summer that needs to be faxed to her.

one of my struggles has to do with the fact that we have no insurance. my parents are going to cover the treatment for now, but they won't forever and i'm afraid if i try to get insurance in the future (a pressing goal of ours) i will be refused?

oh well. i was feeling great for a couple weeks. working hard, feeling patient with the kids and the last few days it all went to hell. i feel tired and discouraged and slightly hopeless about issues that were fine last week.

so it's back to the nurse with thyroid screen and a willing heart.

we'll see,

thanks for listening you lovelies!

j