Does Your Circumcised Husband feel that RIC was a valid 'parental choice'? - Page 2

[phreedom]

I was talking to my hubby about this the other day. I asked him if we ever had a son, would he want to circumcise him. He said ¨Well yeah I guess.¨ I prodded him more and honestly he didn´t even seem to know why. He said when his first son was born (first marriage, hubby was only 18, for the most part he was/is a very involved daddy but worked alot) he was never even asked, never saw it, never really thought about it.

He agreed that most of the common reasons: needs to look like daddy, everyone is circumcised...he will look weird if heś not, itś cleaner...weŕe very weak and not really a good reason to do a totally unnecessary procedure. So if I choose our hypothetical son will not be circ´d. But he wouldn´t care if I wanted to either. So while I´ve convinced him it is unnecessary...he still believes it is up to the parent. I guess I´m making a little, teeny bit of progress.

[Momma Aimee]

dh is of the opnion that his mom didn't know she had a choice ... and i am willing to agree. it WAS 1966, but it was also rural KS and his mom is very uneducated -- i think she graduated hs.

Also MIL CLAIMES her husband was very controling and "ruled the family" don't know -- he left when DH was a baby and died a long time ago -- however knowing MIL I don't believe all of anything she says.

So DH pretty well accepts that it was not a parental choice, as much as an SOP that his mom (and dad for that matter) may not even over though about, or known about.

My dh was born in TX in 1963 we both strongly doubt his parents were even asked about his circ, it was just done as a matter of course.

I agrfee I dobut MIL or anyone even had to sign a consent form knew it was hapneing, surely weas done in the nusery as a routine thing.

that being said MIL asked DH before we had Theo, before we knew he was a HE "well i hope you are going to circ him" (DH almost ran off the road) she was compaining about a lot of our choices in that conservation. she has never changed a dipaer, and i do not know really if she knows Theo is intact thought we have never made any effort to hide it.

I know DH and his oldest bro -- by 10 year -- got into it over it and DH tried to explain it is no medically necessary and is a body modification that we do not believe in.

I do think DH sees it as more of a parental choice than i do -- again not one he would make -- but one none-the-less.

Aimee

[Kleine Hexe]

I'm not going to ask him. He gets incredibily defensive and angry. The last time we talked about him being circ'd he mentioned (more like yelled) that his parents F'd up and there was nothing he could no about it now. I don't think he's mad at them. He says they are just doing what they were told was best.

[myfairbabies]

My dh called his parents, asked why they did it, and said that they had no right. his dad sent him an article about how great it is to be circed :

[Snazbot]

My hubby's cut. He's not, as far as I can tell, angry about it and definitely hasn't considered restoration. He thinks circ is totally unnecessary though, researched it when we were expecting boy #1 and came back with a "No WAY will that be done to my son!" Our boys are both intact, and he tried getting his siblings to leave their children intact, but didn't push the issue. The only bit of anger I've seen from him is when his mom tried to convince us to cut #1. "He'll get infections." "You mean like I have anyway even with a circ?" "Well, he'll never get good head." (WTF? I've got my week-old infant in my arms and she's talking about him having sexual relations?!) He was like "If a girl's gonna leave him over a little extra bit of penis, I'm pretty sure it's not a girl I'd want him with anyway. Now we're through talking about my newborn and sex." *hehe*

[nd_deadhead]

My in-laws fell prey to the propaganda FIL heard in the Navy during WWII. DH and I didn't learn until 8 years after FIL had died that he had been intact! It makes us both sad to think that his parents were more influenced by the horror stories they heard than by the evidence in their own home - as far as I know, FIL never had a problem with his foreskin. DH was born in 1961; his brother (also circumcised) is 7 years older.

[mysticmomma]

no. he was horrified.

[gcgirl]

Originally Posted by Snazbot

My hubby's cut. He's not, as far as I can tell, angry about it and definitely hasn't considered restoration. He thinks circ is totally unnecessary though, researched it when we were expecting boy #1 and came back with a "No WAY will that be done to my son!"

:

That's my DH too. He just doesn't see a valid reason to do it to our kids. He's not an extroverted inactivist though. He just sees it as pointless.

Oh, and I found out recently my dad hates circumcision (he's intact). We were talking about tonsilectomies and he spoke angrily about unnecessary routine surgeries, "like circumcision." I get the feeling if someone brought it up in his presence he'd just tell them they were stupid for wanting to have it done.

[Mommiska]

Thanks everyone, for your replies (both for yourselves and on behalf of partners).

I asked my dh if he thought RIC is a valid parental choice, and whether someone else had the right to make that decision for him (he's British and intact).

After the usual eye-rolling about me going on about RIC (sounds like a lot of our husbands should get together - they could talk about that!), he said, 'I wouldn't want someone making that kind of decision for me - I wouldn't want to be circumcised'.

Mysticmomma - does your post mean that yes, your DH/partner thinks that RIC is a choice that should be made by the parents? The 'yes' just didn't seem to go with the 'He was horrified', so I wasn't sure...

[AimeesHubby]

I was circ'd at birth and I definitely do not think it was/is a parental choice. I habour resentment toward my parents because of it, that they would subject me to such a brutal operation for no reason whatsoever. Its as much of a parental choice as is lobbing off an ear because it makes the baby's head look funny. Its not the type of surgery that can be undergone without proper consent and understanding by the patient, and thats simply not possible with an infant or child.

[Monkeygrrl]

my partners circ'd their birth son...when i came along, and started talking about why i didnt circ my birth son, and why any future sons born to me would not be circ'd - then he changed his mind...and he is an intactivist now (although not extremely vocal about it)...he has now made the decision to restore, and will be talking to his first birth son regarding restoring when he gets a bit older...

peace...

[Sharlla]

Nope, he agrees with me that RIC is a violation.

[LavenderMae]

NO, my husband does not think it's a valid parenting choice and he wishes it had not even been an option for his parents.

[MsElle07]

My DH is circ'd and is totally fine with it, he would want to circ any future sons we have. (Not saying we will, just that he most definitely believes it is a legitimate option, and doesn't feel he was adversely affected.)

[lovebug]

SORRY stupid question ahead...

What is RIC if i can find that out i will get DH thoughts

[blsilva]

Dh is circumcised. Before he knew what was done/lost, he thought it was a valid choice for parents to make.
Since learning more, he is completely against RIC.

[LavenderMae]

Originally Posted by lovebug

What is RIC if i can find that out i will get DH thoughts

Routine infant circumcision

[MamaRabbit]

My father-in-law, at the age of 12, circed himself. My DH and his 3 brothers were circed as newborns to save them the "humility of not being circed and the horrors of having it done later." Yikes. I guess if I heard that I'd be brainwashed into thinking it's OK too.

DH is still convinced RIC is the better choice. He thinks I think less of his penis because it's missing an important piece (I don't think less of it, I'm just sad). I knew very little about circ when our DS was born and DH made such a huge deal about it, I gave in. I figured that if the baby was born with it, it should need it, but then DH (we're Christians) said if it was OK in the Bible, it's OK for DS (hello, we're not Jewish!). Still, I figured it couldn't be that bad.

Wrong. DS has major healing issues even now at 2yr old. Every day I feel so bad about it. DH, while still being pro-RIC, has said if we have any more boys that we will not circ them. Not because RIC is wrong, but because he doesn't like the issues from DS's circ. I know, it doesn't make sense. So that's the phase we're at right now. I'm hoping that he gets it eventually.

Interesting those... DH's younger circed brother decided not to have his DS circed after hearing me speak with his wife about while she was pregnant. They read up on it and decided against it. So, all is not lost.

[lovebug]

Originally Posted by Sheacoby

Routine infant circumcision

Thank you!

My DH says "its the only way to go" : he really wants our son circ'ed!!!!! he uses all the tactics. he is CRAZY!!!! we dont get on the subject much cuz i dont want to get into it with him. when we get PG THE talk WILL start and i will get him to see my side!!!! i have to!

[mamasophy]

My DH rocks!

My DH feels the same way as I do, but he feels bad that I feel bad when I find out someone circ'd. He just feels that you can't fix all the stupidity in the world, why beat yourself up about it? But if someone circs, he chalks it up to stupidity these days and holds less respect for the people (he can't even talk about my brother without getting angry, for a lot of reasons, circ being one!). I tend to feel responsible, but I'm working on my control issues LOL! If you read my recent "letter to a pregnant relative" you know how we both feel - he helped me with it. And yes, he is circ'd, family is Jewish but he was born in '54 too and done in the hospital. He has lots of resentment towards his parents for doing lots of things to him, circ is one of them. But he doesn't feel "less" in the genital area and I certainly don't have a problem aside from wishing it hadn't been done (and occasionally wondering what it would be like with a foreskin to play with??). But we started talkijng about circ 20 years ago, before we got married, and back then he had to get over the "there's nothing wrong with my junk!" issue - he did get over it, and went on to save at least one boy from the knife that I know of. He's the most wonderful man I know!