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Does Your Circumcised Husband feel that RIC was a valid 'parental choice'? - Page 3

post #41 of 80
No.
post #42 of 80
DH doesn't know any different, and the fact that his mother wasn't actually given a choice, he was just "taken and circ'd," he doesn't fault her for that. According to her, everyone had their boys circ'd at birth, it's just what happened before you took them home, and frankly, was never thought of as a big deal.

Having said that, he firmly believes that leaving our son intact was one of the best parenting decisions we've made so far.
post #43 of 80
DH was circ'd, wishes he were not, and does not think RIC should be a choice at birth.

Before we researched RIC though, he wasn't for or against it. But once researched just a bit, he was against it. He was leaning towards not having it done for our boys before research anyway though.
post #44 of 80
My husband definitely doesn't think it's a valid parental choice, but doesn't fault his mother for doing it because she told him it was "just what was done" when he was born (in 1978.) I *think* my that point consent was required, correct me if I'm wrong? I think for him he just doesn't feel safe being angry at his mother about it. I, on the other hand, am furious with her regarding it.
post #45 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post
I know that in the US in general, and even among some parents who chose to leave their sons intact, RIC is seen as a valid 'parental choice', and it is sometimes said that we should 'respect and support' the parenting choices of others, even if we don't agree with them.

I would ask that replies just be from men - either circumcised men (and how they feel about the fact that their parents altered their bodies) or intact men (do they feel that their parents should have had the right to alter their bodies when they were children)? Since this directly affects men - especially the argument that circumcision is a 'parental choice' - I'd really like to hear from men what they think about this in relationship to themselves.

Thanks!
I am an intact male who strongly believes that RIC should not be a parental choice. Sadly, my parents did not always feel this way. My parents were poor when I was born (homebirth, but Dr. in attendance), and circumcisions cost money. Several years later when my brothers were born (hospital births) they were circumcised. (Probably for supposed cleanliness and reduce/prevent masturbation: ). When I was a teen I overheard a conversation my mother had with her sisters, and she said "if she had it to do over, she would probably have circumcised me also..." So I consider myself VERY fortunate to have kept my foreskin. That is one of the BEST things my parents ever did for me, even though it occurred for possibly the wrong reasons...
post #46 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by nd_deadhead View Post
My in-laws fell prey to the propaganda FIL heard in the Navy during WWII. DH and I didn't learn until 8 years after FIL had died that he had been intact! It makes us both sad to think that his parents were more influenced by the horror stories they heard than by the evidence in their own home - as far as I know, FIL never had a problem with his foreskin. DH was born in 1961; his brother (also circumcised) is 7 years older.
Just curious...do you know what "propaganda" your FIL heard in the Navy? My grandfather (passed away) was in the Navy in WWII, and my grandmother said that ds "wouldn't be able to pee or perform if he's not circ!" I was couldn't believe my ears! I wonder if that's where they heard that.

My hubby is circ (and restoring!) and he absolutely does not believe it is a valid parental choice. His parents said that they never had a choice (1980 in Denver), the dr just whisked him away and did it, but when we questioned them further and talked about suing the dr/hospital over it, FIL grumbled and said "We signed a consent form." So who knows.
post #47 of 80
Oh yeah DH has actually said "I have the d*ck, I make the d*ck decisions"
To his credit he has only said it once, he got an earful.



DH will actually bring it up from time to time if he's losing an argument "Well you said we were going to circ him!" "You promised, it's your fault you didn't know what it was before you agreed" "You went back on a PROMISE"

I swear it's all most like it's become a peeing contest with him....

Open Memo to DH,
The boy is intact, he is staying that way unless he wants to get a circ. Should he want it done based on his OWN reasoning mama will pay for it! So there! :
post #48 of 80
Thread Starter 
This is a quote from a friend of mine, who is circumcised:

Circumcision is not a parental choice. It is a choice stolen from the man at the most vulnerable time in his life and is a violation of his body in the most personal, private and violent way possible.
post #49 of 80
DH is against circ and does not believe it is a valid parental choice, mainly for the reasons of it being painful and unnecessary. He doesn't blame his parents though, to the extent they may have had a choice it certainly would not have been an informed decision.
post #50 of 80
His words:

"No, it shouldn't be a parent's choice. It should be the choice of the child when they grown up".
post #51 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post
This is a quote from a friend of mine, who is circumcised:

Circumcision is not a parental choice. It is a choice stolen from the man at the most vulnerable time in his life and is a violation of his body in the most personal, private and violent way possible.
That's a bit hyperbolic, don't you think? I can think of several ways to circumsize that is much more violent than an a snip under anasthesia. (It enrages me to think that this used to be done routinely without anasthesia, how awful!)

That said, I don't believe in RIC (with religious exceptions).

I asked DH. He is circ and so is my DSS. DH doesn't think it's a big deal, doesn't feel he is "missing" anything and is slightly bemused by the uproar. He said had we had a son and I didn't want to circ, he would have been fine with that, but only because he doesn't have strong feelings at the concept.

Our sex life is grand, always have been (13 years together now) and I've been with both circ'd and uncirc'd men, and haven't noticed any difference that could be related to circ. My best lovers were, anecdotally, circ'd, but I believe that's a coincidence, not due to the circ-ing.
post #52 of 80
It is still mostly done without anesthetic or with a paci dipped in sugar water counting as anesthetic.
post #53 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaffyDaphne View Post
That's a bit hyperbolic, don't you think? I can think of several ways to circumsize that is much more violent than an a snip under anasthesia. (It enrages me to think that this used to be done routinely without anasthesia, how awful!)

That said, I don't believe in RIC (with religious exceptions).

I asked DH. He is circ and so is my DSS. DH doesn't think it's a big deal, doesn't feel he is "missing" anything and is slightly bemused by the uproar. He said had we had a son and I didn't want to circ, he would have been fine with that, but only because he doesn't have strong feelings at the concept.

Our sex life is grand, always have been (13 years together now) and I've been with both circ'd and uncirc'd men, and haven't noticed any difference that could be related to circ. My best lovers were, anecdotally, circ'd, but I believe that's a coincidence, not due to the circ-ing.

A little "snip"?

Have you seen circumcisions done? They're far worse than just little snips and I don't think Mommiska's quote was hyperbolic at all.

If we were talking about removing the clitoral hood of a baby girl as a little "snip", would it be hyperbolic then?
post #54 of 80
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaffyDaphne View Post
That's a bit hyperbolic, don't you think? I can think of several ways to circumsize that is much more violent than an a snip under anasthesia. (It enrages me to think that this used to be done routinely without anasthesia, how awful!)
Referring to circumcision as 'a little snip' seems like an attempt to deny the extent of the damage that is done to a man when the most sensitive part of their penis is cut off.

We refer to a hair cut as a 'little snip' - but I would not refer to an amputation as a 'little snip' under any circumstances.

As for the quote being hyperbolic - it is a direct quote from a man I know who is circumcised. He's middle aged, so he was almost certainly circumcised without any anesthesia.

I doubt the reference refers just to the violence of the original procedure, however (and many are still done without appropriate anesthesia). Circumcision is a violation of the most personal part of a man's body - and has far reaching implications for him and his future partner(s). Read in this forum, and you'll find lots of stories about how circumcision negatively affects adult men and their partners.

However - I don't think it's up to me, or anyone else, to judge how someone else feels about an important part of his body being amputated when he was too young to defend himself.

This is a thread for the opinions of men on RIC, since they are the ones whose bodies and sexuality are being altered without their consent. And that's how he feels about his circumcision.
post #55 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa View Post
It is still mostly done without anesthetic or with a paci dipped in sugar water counting as anesthetic.
Hmm, not where I am, or not at least according to the L&D nurses I know. I'm going to have to check that out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Papai View Post
A little "snip"?

Have you seen circumcisions done? They're far worse than just little snips and I don't think Mommiska's quote was hyperbolic at all.

If we were talking about removing the clitoral hood of a baby girl as a little "snip", would it be hyperbolic then?
If we were talking about removing the clitoral hood under anasthesia in a sterile environment as the "most violent way possible" to remove the clitoral hood, yes, it would be hyperbolic. There are much more violent ways to do it, that's all I was saying.

And I never said "little snip" -- I said snip, which is much less dismissive, fwiw.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post
Referring to circumcision as 'a little snip' seems like an attempt to deny the extent of the damage that is done to a man when the most sensitive part of their penis is cut off.

We refer to a hair cut as a 'little snip' - but I would not refer to an amputation as a 'little snip' under any circumstances.
Please power down a little. I don't in anyway, as I stated, support RIC and had I been given sons they would not be circ'd. I didn't say "little snip."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post
As for the quote being hyperbolic - it is a direct quote from a man I know who is circumcised. He's middle aged, so he was almost certainly circumcised without any anesthesia.

I doubt the reference refers just to the violence of the original procedure, however (and many are still done without appropriate anesthesia). Circumcision is a violation of the most personal part of a man's body - and has far reaching implications for him and his future partner(s). Read in this forum, and you'll find lots of stories about how circumcision negatively affects adult men and their partners.
OK, then if it doesn't refer just to the procedure, I misunderstood. However, I have read a lot of the stories on this thread, and feel very bad for the people involved. Still, those stories are far from universal, and my personal experience doesn't jibe with them.

[QUOTE=Mommiska;9274317]However - I don't think it's up to me, or anyone else, to judge how someone else feels about an important part of his body being amputated when he was too young to defend himself.[QUOTE]

I certainly wasn't judging him, only commenting to you that it seemed hyperbolic in part. I certainly didn't mean to offend.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post
This is a thread for the opinions of men on RIC, since they are the ones whose bodies and sexuality are being altered without their consent. And that's how he feels about his circumcision.
I gotcha, and I agree. Didn't mean his comments weren't more than welcome, of course they are, very much so.

I hope my DH's are welcome as well, even though he doesn't feel the same way.
post #56 of 80
Oh, and yes, I've seen three separate circs.
post #57 of 80
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaffyDaphne View Post
And I never said "little snip" -- I said snip, which is much less dismissive, fwiw.

Please power down a little. I don't in anyway, as I stated, support RIC and had I been given sons they would not be circ'd. I didn't say "little snip."
'Snip' to talk about amputation is dismissive. Especially in a thread asking for the feelings of men about the fact that their body part was amputated without their consent. I stand by my comments.


Quote:
Originally Posted by DaffyDaphne View Post
I gotcha, and I agree. Didn't mean his comments weren't more than welcome, of course they are, very much so.

I hope my DH's are welcome as well, even though he doesn't feel the same way.
When you refer to a very strong anti-RIC statement from a man who has experienced RIC as 'hyperbolic', it certainly seems as if you are trying to downplay/diminish his feelings. I'm not sure how else to take your comment.

No one has at all intimated that your dh's comments are not welcome on this thread. It is your own comments, which give the appearance of trying to down play the seriousness of circumcision, as well as denigrating and downplaying the feelings of a man who was circumcised as an infant, that we have issues with.
post #58 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post
'Snip' to talk about amputation is dismissive. Especially in a thread asking for the feelings of men about the fact that their body part was amputated without their consent. I stand by my comments.
Well, I didn't mean it to be.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post
When you refer to a very strong anti-RIC statement from a man who has experienced RIC as 'hyperbolic', it certainly seems as if you are trying to downplay/diminish his feelings. I'm not sure how else to take your comment.
I didn't say his entire comment was hyperbolic, only that referring to the circ as the "most violent possible way" was. A hospital circ is not the most "violent possible way." Is it right. Hell, no. I just don't think (imo) that using that sort of language persuades anyone, it leads to someone on the fence dismissing the very real problems with RIC.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post
No one has at all intimated that your dh's comments are not welcome on this thread. It is your own comments, which give the appearance of trying to down play the seriousness of circumcision, as well as denigrating and downplaying the feelings of a man who was circumcised as an infant, that we have issues with.
Goodness, I didn't mean to do anything of the sort.
post #59 of 80
No he doesn't and he is upset that his mother made that decision.

I also talked to my brother about this, and he feels the same way.

I have yet to talk to a man who does not feel violated by this. So far all the men I have talked to have been very upset by their circs. And a couple have even looked into restoring.
post #60 of 80
New thread for continued discussion:
Is circumcision a "snip"?

Jen
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