New here... Anyone want to talk me into a homebirth? :)

[UnskulinMama]

Because I'm so on the fence and I can't decide what to do! I have lots of time until my due date, but if I want a midwife (there's only 2 in the area), I need to contact them ASAP... And I would LOVE some advice from you women that have been there and done this, because I keep going back and forth and there's got to be something I'm missing...

I'm sorry for busting in here without any intro before this, but I wasn't sure where else to post it.

Here's my not-so-short story:

-My older son was born when I was 16. It was a hospital birth and went quickly (I was 4-5cm dilated at an appt 2 days prior), until I begged for an epidural which stopped the labor. Nurses ignored me when I said the catheter was hurting ("It's supposed to feel like that!" was their answer). My OB never mentioned that a catheter would be required and I was very clear during my appts that I was terrified of the pain and probably wanted an epidural... My own fault for not researching it I guess, but anyway. The epidural stalled the labor, pitocin was given (while I was ASLEEP, no one asked or told me), and DS was born shortly thereafter. I was pretty much alone the whole time, DS's father slept through the labor, woke up for the birth, refused to cut the cord, and afterward told me it was an awful experience and he was "scarred for life". Total labor time even with stalling: 6 hrs, no real complications.

-Second birth: Same hospital, but with midwives who were totally on board with a natural birth. I labored at home alternating between my bathtub and leaning on DH until my water broke while I was on the toilet having what I thought was a BM (um, no, that's pushing!). We got ready, went to the hospital, had a few more pushing contractions on the way there, one in the elevator, one in the bathroom when the nurses were trying to get me to pee (I couldn't) and then one hanging on to the side of the bed.... The nurse asked me to get into the bed so she could do the "20 minute monitoring strip" that they "required", but I couldn't sit still for it. Leaned back and baby was born 2 contractions later. Midwives didn't make it. Total labor time: 2.5 hours.

Despite not getting to push/deliver how I wanted, my second birth was amazing. I'm so glad I stayed home as long as I did... But at the same time, I'm annoyed with how much it threw me off having that worry (getting to the hospital on time) hanging over my head.

I really want to deliver this baby at home. But... this is New York. Midwives practice underground and are not covered by insurance. DH can't see past that ("Why pay $2000 when we don't have to?") and I do understand his point. This last birth wasn't bad. Sure, it was a complete stranger catching my baby (*I* want to catch this baby! Or DH, but that's never going to happen at a hospital), but I can't complain about too much after the birth... They were pretty good to us. The nurse was fine waiting to clamp the cord and didn't take the baby from me until I called her back in 20 minutes later because I couldn't wait to see how much he weighed

So why am I so disappointed with having another hospital birth? : It's not that bad... The rooms are single rooms, if I go early I can have a tub that's much deeper than my home bathtub, and I know I can refuse everything (except that 20 minute strip I guess, but what will they do if I refuse that? Kick me out?)... But I don't WANT to go labor in a hospital room, no matter how homey and cozy it is and I don't want to drive there while I'm in transition or pushing again (even though it's only 10-15 minutes, it just messes with my headspace you know?)...

Sigh. I've thought seriously about a UC and the only thing stopping me is the little nagging fear in the back of my head that says it would be all my fault if the baby was born and doesn't start breathing. Ideally, I would love to have a midwife at the house to check the heart rate occasionally and check us both out after birth. I know I could labor and deliver without any help. But if that's the case, as DH would say, why spend the $2k just for reassurance when you can get it as the hospital birth center for free?

Ahh! Can't someone come here and decide this for me? :

I also have a little one who will still be under 2 when the new baby is born and I don't want to leave him (even though I know he'd be fine)...

Kudos to you if you read all this!

[mimiharshe]

I think you've already answered your own question. You don't sound "on the fence"...you sound like you desire a home birth, but not confident in making the decision yet. If you really want it, you'll find the money or you can have care w/the hospital midwives so you are covered, but have a UC b/c you really do "go fast". Do what your heart desires! Even if you go back and forth you will always come back to wanting what you truly want!

[pamamidwife]

I agree - you don't sound on the fence. I believe that sometimes it's isn't always about our birth or the way we're treated in labor (but you know that it's a big, big piece) - what about our babies and the way they're treated and handled?

The money is worth it, IMO. But you can just do the hospital provider way and then oops! didn't make it. Your dh has to be on board, tho - nothing worse than birthing your baby peacefully at home only to find huge EMTs in your home.

[Eaglevoice]

Yep sounds to me like the decision has already been made I had two homebirths. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Eaglevoice]

call the midwives in your area and schedule an interview, you'll be convinced after talking to them and hearing their stories...

[Martha_2sons]

Just as a side note, I had a homebirth in New York that was 100% covered by my insurance company. I got an "out of network exception" and they paid the bill.

[triplembride]

your 2nd birth was *this* close to a UC anyway i'd look in to that option...maybe post this on the UC board and they can give you some encouragement / positive thoughts on a UC and you'll be good to go...homebirth and $2000 in your pocket...although i understand what is nagging at you and maybe you should listen to that too?? sorry i didnt help much but ask more questions about your homebirth with a midwife

[SublimeBirthGirl]

Homebirth and hospital birth aren't even comparable. I've done both and I would only go back to the hospital if someone were dying.

FWIW, sometimes babies don't breathe right away. They still get O2 through the cord and usually don't require anything but some stimulation and a few seconds to get going. Part of UC for me was knowing that it doesn't matter where or how I gave birth; there was always the possibility something bad could happen. But birth usually goes right when left alone.

[starbarrett]

For me, it's all about not havng to get in a car during labor! ouch! And for that matter, not having to get into a car to get home to cuddle up with the family and new baby after delivery. We can all cuddle pretty much immediately. So nice!

[barefootpoetry]

You definitely sound like you want a homebirth. I say go for it girl! And to ease your fears, on the extremely tiny chance that something would go awry, you'd be at the hospital in a matter of minutes, right?

I've never had a homebirth but I am SO looking forward to mine. Nothing beats being on your own turf, calling all the shots, getting to give birth where YOU are most comfortable, not having to fight the hospital staff on everything, and best of all - not having to go anywhere! The midwife fee can be hefty, but it is worth every penny. I'd rather take out a loan on the cost of a midwife than have a free hospital birth!

[1Plus2]

This will be my first homebirth and I too was a little on the fence about it at first but for a different reason. I quickly realized that the reason I was hanging onto to NOT have a hb was actually a fear. I had a reservation about the midwife we had chosen so I found another one and really liked her. As soon as I left her office, I felt a wave of relief come over me. I am now 1000% sure of my decision to have a homebirth!! I agree with the PP's who say that it sounds like you have already made up your mind. Face your fears like I did and then GET THE BIRTH THAT YOU WANT!!

[babe&baba]

Wow! What kind of insurance do you have that your birth would be free at a hospital or birth center? Even when I had great insurance we still ended up paying around $3500 out of pocket.

We are having a homebirth and while the low cost of $1800 is great since we don't have health insurance it is one of the lowest factors on our decision list for a homebirth.

[1Plus2]

Originally Posted by babe&baba

Wow! What kind of insurance do you have that your birth would be free at a hospital or birth center? Even when I had great insurance we still ended up paying around $3500 out of pocket.

Both of my hospital births were totally paid by our insurance. So were all of my OB visits except for the one time $20 co-pay. I had Aetna the first time and I'm not sure who the second time.

On a side note...I know many midwives just want women to have the birth that they want and would be willing to work with you financially.

[abc123xyz]

I don't know about your insurance but ours in 80/20 which means that we have to pay 20% of all our hospitalized medical care. $2000 is a great price for a homebirth as ours is $2500 but all-in-all we would be paying $3000 at the very least in our 20% of our insurance coverage. I would much rather pay that to have the birth that we desire as oppossed to pay it to the hopsital for forced medical care. I think you should consider that. If your insurance pays 100% of hospitalized care, then you have terrific insurance but most are 20% and in talking with friends and family, most people forget about that fact! I think you know what you want and money should never be an issue when it comes to your children and your well-being. The one thing is that most people spend more time, effort, and money on buying a car or a house than they do on the birth of their children. Midwives are usually very workable and will work with what you can afford. They will likely give you a payment plan if you can't pay it all up front or will work on a sliding scale according to what you can afford. My husband and I were not in a situation that we could afford to pay all at once either but luckily we had the option to make payments. Instead, we chose to borrow the money from a family member because we have been beyond blessed with an on-board family member. Had we not been, I would have made the payments until we were paid off. It is totally worth it. One appointment with a midwife and you won't regret it. And one homebirth and you will be doing it again and again!!! Hopefully, this helps a little and you all can figure something out! Good luck!
~~*Kristina*~~ wife to Joe [] and expecting [] [:] 10-18-07 planning a [] and to [:] Living [:] and saying [] [] []
www.totsites.com/tot/3seawell

[hapersmion]

I always think it's kind of funny when husbands balk at the cost of a homebirth. If your husband is anything like mine, you can just point to the last computer he bought, or the new car or whatever the latest toy is, and ask why that is more important than your health and comfort? Really - I paid $4000 out of pocket for my homebirth, and it's the best money I've ever spent. If I didn't have the money I'd start selling stuff on Ebay, take out a loan, whatever I needed to do.

But like a PP said, it's likely that you can get at least part of your money back from insurance. We only got $600 back from ours, but at least that's something. And it's likely that we would have ended up paying more in the hospital, judging by the way they charged us $600 after insurance just for the ultrasound.

Or, of course, you could over the course of your pregnancy become comfortable with UC. You've got time. I know exactly what you mean about paying all that money just for reassurance. I felt like I needed the reassurance (and my husband definitely did), but the birth went just fine, with no need for any tangible midwife assistance. It could have been a perfectly safe UC if that had been what I wanted.

hapersmion

[anne1006]

We were concerned about the cost too, but really, the best decision for the family is worth any cost. Just because something is free or cheaper doesn't mean it's okay to settle for less than what you want. We are hoping insurance picks up some, but after talking to my midwife the first time and doing all the research I didn't even feel like there was a choice to make. It was homebirth or bust!

[UnskulinMama]

Thank you guys so much for the replies! I guess it is pretty clear that I want a homebirth, but it's just the pricetag on it that I'm having a hard time getting over. Our insurance pretty much does cover 100% (except for a $15 copay for the first prenatal and a $250 deductible for the hospital stay), so I can't argue that the homebirth would end up being cheaper... And I laughed when I read the comments about DH's car or new computer or what-have-you because um... If you saw my car you'd understand! It's as old as I am. DH's isn't much better. We don't pay anything for cars, we get ones when people are ready to trash them and hope they last us a few years! We have cable and internet access because DH works for the cable company and they're free. Our computers are hand-me-downs... As is our tiny TV, our lawn mower, and just about everything else we own!

The big expense we do have is visiting his family in England. Luckily his parents came here instead last year, which saved us some money, but we're not exactly rolling in the dough (we're right above the WIC guidelines) so having a homebirth could mean we don't see them again for awhile... FIL isn't in the best health, so they can't travel as easily as we can.

I do think it's a totally reasonable fee for a midwife though, and maybe that's the other reason I keep putting off calling her... I wouldn't feel right asking her to drop her price. It's a bargain really. And while our insurance does cover a small percentage of out-of-network stuff, I can't see how this would work with a midwife? She's a lay midwife, I think (she used to be licensed but the law changed and made that near impossible, or so I've heard) and can't have her name passed around so I certainly couldn't give it to an insurance co.

I'm really appreciating being able to write this out though, it's making me truly think about my reasoning behind it all. (Which is, pretty much, that I just hate spending money on ANYTHING, especially myself! Sigh...) Maybe I'll do like someone mentioned and start selling stuff off on ebay. I've got a huge pile of things in the garage that I was going to donate, but turning it into cash instead would definitely be a start...

Except that even if I do scrounge up the 2k (and honestly, we HAVE the money in savings and it wouldn't kill us to dip into it), I still have to figure out how to make it seem to DH like a worthwhile way to spend it, instead of say, on the mortgage.

Hmm, maybe I should just convince him that we need to move to a more homebirth-friendly state. It'd probably be just as easy!

[cmerch]

hi i was sort of in the same situation with my son, only a midwife would have been covered but i didn't get any medical attention untill i was about 5 months (we had just moved) and by then the only 2 midwives here were booked solid. so i got myself a dr. and a doula. i wanted my baby born at home but my hubby wasn't keen on a uc. the morning i woke up in labour, also happened to be the day i had a dr. appt, so my dh had already planned to stay home to attend it with me. he was a huge help throught out the labour untill he said 'it's time to go to the hospital.' i didn't want to go so i asked him to get the hospital bag and went into the bathroom and started birthing my son. about 10 min later he came in looked at me and said 'IS THAT THE HEAD?' i was starting to crown and he immediatley called 911. an ambulance and fire truck (7 men in total!) came just in time to catch my son born at 9:07am, before my doula even made it to our place. they took us to the hospital after to get 'checked out' and everything but atleast i got to have my home birth. you could do something similar if a midwife isn't covered and you can't shell out the $. i had a wonderful birth the only thing i would change is my dh NOT calling 911.

[Briannasmom]

Originally Posted by UnskulinMama

I'm really appreciating being able to write this out though, it's making me truly think about my reasoning behind it all. (Which is, pretty much, that I just hate spending money on ANYTHING, especially myself! Sigh...)

Remember that you're also spending the money on your unborn child....he or she will be able to be born in a peaceful, loving setting without bright lights, masked and gloved professionals grabbing at him/her, she won't get taken away from you to be "cleaned up" or gooped up or what have you. Home birth is the most loving way to be born, IMO. Your baby deserves it