I just got off the phone with my mom. I love my mom.....she's an amazing woman and an awesome mom. She has 7 children of her own, and has raised countless foster children over the last 39 years.
But you remember those SNL sketches about Debbie Downer? Totally based on my mom!
At the beginning of this pregnancy, I got a false negative test (my cycle was weird and I just tested too early) and when I told my mom that I'd suspected, but it was negative, her response was "Well, for your sake, I'm glad! Babies are nice, but you need to know when to stop!" Thanks mom....since you apparently think I needed to stop after #3, and since I am your fourth child, the implication is clear that you wish you'd stopped before I was born! 
But anyway, given her response, it's understandable perhaps that we waited until nearly 18 weeks to announce our joyful news...she did not acknowledge our announcement in any way whatsoever, and until our conversation just now, she had not made one comment/question about my pregnancy, or the baby, or anything related to this impending birth.
So, I felt a bit better that she asked me this morning when I'm due...at least there was some acknowledgement made! But then she had to go and spoil it by asking disdainfully, "Are you doing that midwife thing again?"
: bah! Our last 2 children were midwife-attended homebirths, so I'm really not sure why she even felt the need to ask....
But just then, in a very rare moment of genius, I heard myself saying, "Well, we strongly considered just doing it ourselves this time, but in the end we decided that it'd be worth it to have the midwife there, just so we don't have to deal with the clean-up afterward! Plus, she'll cook the placenta for us, so I won't have to do that, either!"
Knowing my mom, I'm betting that last bit caused her to vomit a bit in her mouth! I know, I'm evil and unrepentant, but for heaven's sake I'm tired of dealing with her negativity and the unfounded fears she just loves to hold onto no matter what! I guess we'll probably go back to ignoring the issue now, but oh well. I know she'll love the baby once s/he gets here.
The only problem is that now I have no idea what I'll say if/when we are blessed with #5, and if/when we decide to actually UC. I can't think of anything likely to shock her more than the concept of UC....maybe I should say, "No, this time I think we'll just go to the hospital and ask them for a c-section. Just to change things up a bit, you know?"
Seriously though....any tips on how to kindly/constructively deal with her? She lives 2000 miles away, so it's not so much a direct issue, but of course she knows how to push all my buttons and make me feel like a stupid child again. I prolly should just ignore it.....make my mantra be "water off a duck's back!"
But you remember those SNL sketches about Debbie Downer? Totally based on my mom!
At the beginning of this pregnancy, I got a false negative test (my cycle was weird and I just tested too early) and when I told my mom that I'd suspected, but it was negative, her response was "Well, for your sake, I'm glad! Babies are nice, but you need to know when to stop!" Thanks mom....since you apparently think I needed to stop after #3, and since I am your fourth child, the implication is clear that you wish you'd stopped before I was born! But anyway, given her response, it's understandable perhaps that we waited until nearly 18 weeks to announce our joyful news...she did not acknowledge our announcement in any way whatsoever, and until our conversation just now, she had not made one comment/question about my pregnancy, or the baby, or anything related to this impending birth.
So, I felt a bit better that she asked me this morning when I'm due...at least there was some acknowledgement made! But then she had to go and spoil it by asking disdainfully, "Are you doing that midwife thing again?"
: bah! Our last 2 children were midwife-attended homebirths, so I'm really not sure why she even felt the need to ask....But just then, in a very rare moment of genius, I heard myself saying, "Well, we strongly considered just doing it ourselves this time, but in the end we decided that it'd be worth it to have the midwife there, just so we don't have to deal with the clean-up afterward! Plus, she'll cook the placenta for us, so I won't have to do that, either!"
Knowing my mom, I'm betting that last bit caused her to vomit a bit in her mouth!
I know, I'm evil and unrepentant, but for heaven's sake I'm tired of dealing with her negativity and the unfounded fears she just loves to hold onto no matter what! I guess we'll probably go back to ignoring the issue now, but oh well. I know she'll love the baby once s/he gets here.The only problem is that now I have no idea what I'll say if/when we are blessed with #5, and if/when we decide to actually UC. I can't think of anything likely to shock her more than the concept of UC....maybe I should say, "No, this time I think we'll just go to the hospital and ask them for a c-section. Just to change things up a bit, you know?"
Seriously though....any tips on how to kindly/constructively deal with her? She lives 2000 miles away, so it's not so much a direct issue, but of course she knows how to push all my buttons and make me feel like a stupid child again. I prolly should just ignore it.....make my mantra be "water off a duck's back!"
Well, hey there, Sis! 
What comes to my mind is that perhaps it was not a fulfillment for her or maybe that it was not one that she would have chosen for herself. I know my mom had 4 kids by the age of 28. The first 3 were born betw Nov '69 & Dec '71 (by which time she was 24). It was not what she would have chosen. I remember as a young teen asking her why she needed a prescription @ the drugstore when she wasn't sick & her explaining to me that, although they were Catholic, she'd gotten special permission from our priest to take birth control pills. I know she loves us all and I've come to recognize how difficult it must have been for her. I still sometimes resent her lack of what I considered "mothering", but I can also feel for her as a woman. We were brought up being told that we "weren't allowed to get married until we were 25". I used to be so upset by the negative things she'd say about being a mom, but I do know that it was not about us kids so much as about her. On the plus side for us, she was always on our side when we wanted to do fun things like drive cross country with friends or go to some crazy concert or whatever! And, although she can't imagine why we're having #3 or considering more after this one, she doesn't interfere or nag me about it 
