Can anyone give me a basic philosophy on GD?

[cmoma]

Hey Ladies,

I have been reading through some of these posts and am very interested in the basis of GD. But I can't seem to find out a general philosophy, sorry if this has already been discussed but I haven't found anything yet.

It seems to me that it is more of a lack of discipline and creating a "yes" enviroment? Correct me if I am wrong

I am and have been struggling with my almost 4y old and am getting tired of the daily battles, as one friend put it "there's got to be a better way" Since our way isn't working

So, give me your understanding of GD....

[WuWei]

This recent thread might answer some of your questions.

Are there different philosophies within Gentle Discipline?
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ght=definition

Pat

[WuWei]

Oh, and from the top of the forum, Gentle Discipline Forum Guidelines:

Effective discipline is based on loving guidance. It is based on the belief that children are born innately good and that our role as parents is to nurture their spirits as they learn about limits and boundaries, rather than to curb their tendencies toward wrongdoing. Effective discipline presumes that children have reasons for their behavior and that cooperation can be engaged to solve shared problems.

Hitting is never the best way to teach a child. Even in the case of real danger - as when a child runs out into the road - you can grab him, sit him down, look him in the eyes, and tell him why he must never do that again. The panic in your voice will communicate your message much more effectively than any spanking. You can be dramatic without being abusive.

'Natural Family Living' by Peggy O'Mara

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=113264

[cmoma]

Thanks for the link!!!

[Mammy Julie]

My general parenting philosophy is that i wont do anything that could damage my relationship with my ds. Thats how i look at it - im not just his mother I have a relationship with him that will last a lifetime and that needs to be nurtured. That applies to gd because if I'm thinking of him as a person and not something to be trained to my demands then it means i have to relate to him as a person.

So you could compare it to other relationships - if my dp upset me i wouldnt hit him, if I want my sister to help me out with something I wont bribe her, if my friends do something I asked them not to I dont insist they sit in a chair for twenty odd minutes (one for each year of their lives lol). Theyre ridiculous comparisons i know but its what is generally acceptable to do to children. My philosophy is if i wouldnt do it to the adults in my life I wont do it to my child. That rule does depend on whether relationships in your life are conditional - if you tend to have friendships where its 'you scratch my back i'll scratch yours' then its harder to apply the rule(thats the sort of relationship i have with my family so its forced me to rethink how i relate to them too). Hope that makes sense i babbled a bit lol.

[cmoma]

Mammy Julie: yeah that makes sense to me

thanks for sharing1

[Martha_2sons]

What I like about GD is that it helps to create a child who is internally motivated rather than one who acts out of either a desire for rewards or fear of punishment. As an example, I've never (well, almost never, I'm definitely not perfect) told my 4 year old that he has to say "sorry" and so when he does say it, it seems to be out of genuine regret.

[captain crunchy]

Originally Posted by Mammy Julie

My general parenting philosophy is that i wont do anything that could damage my relationship with my ds. Thats how i look at it - im not just his mother I have a relationship with him that will last a lifetime and that needs to be nurtured. That applies to gd because if I'm thinking of him as a person and not something to be trained to my demands then it means i have to relate to him as a person.

So you could compare it to other relationships - if my dp upset me i wouldnt hit him, if I want my sister to help me out with something I wont bribe her, if my friends do something I asked them not to I dont insist they sit in a chair for twenty odd minutes (one for each year of their lives lol). Theyre ridiculous comparisons i know but its what is generally acceptable to do to children. My philosophy is if i wouldnt do it to the adults in my life I wont do it to my child. That rule does depend on whether relationships in your life are conditional - if you tend to have friendships where its 'you scratch my back i'll scratch yours' then its harder to apply the rule(thats the sort of relationship i have with my family so its forced me to rethink how i relate to them too). Hope that makes sense i babbled a bit lol.

I agree.

[MelKnee]

In a nut shell, I treat my kids the way I would want to be treated if our positions were reversed.