Is Feeling This Way About My Son Normal

[Crybaby1898]

Okay I don't make it a secret to be bi polar and basically my emotional take on a life of their own which is fine and I have been pretty good on keeping that under control while i am pregnant.. But there are so emotions i Can't seem to shake off.. Like THere are some moments like today when i feel ready to have my son to hold him in my arms to hear him cry to see him grow into a man.. But then I think of the horror storied people love to tell you abou there kids and HOw bad they are.. THAT SCARES ME REALLY BAD THEN i think about how much he is going to cry and how much money he is going to take i think of him basically being a ball and chain.. instead of a blessing.. this makes me feel like a bad mother cuz what comes with a child comes great and big responsibalitly. Is my motherly instinct going to kick in? Am i going to be handle him or am i going to want to chunk him out the window and forget this whole nine months didn't exist. I mean I Know his daddy is going to be in the picture and i am lucky than most mothers out there but he has a full time job and he goes to school.. So i guess what i am basically saying are these feeling normal?: : : : : :yawning: :yawning: :yawning: :yawning: :

[Jenlaana]

if it helps any, I had zero maternal instinct w/ my daughter until I saw her face. We got pregnant because DH wanted a baby after I thought I was way over ever having another ever (I had even tried to get my tubes tied prior to meeting him). I told DH that he would change every single diaper, take every single day off because she was sick, and basically I would birth her and hand her over to him and be done with it. And I meant it. To me in a lot of ways after being a very poor single mom for years and years (my DS was 9 when DD was born) there was nothing worse than being "saddled with another kid to keep me from getting on with my life".

That being said... the moment I saw my daughter's face I fell so completely in love with her that I knew I would never leave her side for a second. I even quit my job because I just couldn't stand the thought of leaving her to go back to work. We had a rough adjustment during the first 6 months as we became parents, but its been worth it so much and at 2 yrs old, DD makes me smile and laugh on a daily basis, and I would not change my life with her for anything. I am bipolar as well (although its been under control for years for the most part) and there are days that I have still that are bad enough that I would just loose it if it was not for DD.

[Crybaby1898]

Thank you..

I mean it is really great to hear someone like me... i love that... i am also scared about giving birth to him i have seen a natural birth OMFG that looks like it hurts dam it

[Jenlaana]

What natural birth did you see? When I used to see 'natural birth' it was generally women in the hospital in the lithotomy position (on their backs) being coached by doctors and nurses and sometimes random interns and family and friends, with their knees shoved up around their shoulders, full of IVs and doing all of this without pain meds. I had 3 days of labor before DD was finally born and was ready to do it again before I was even out of the birth pool. But I would never be able to handle the pain of that kind of a hospital 'natural birth'. I think the women who do that are beyond brave.

Its really all subjective IMO. Birth is different for every woman, but that doesnt mean that it has to be something scary and painful in the normal sense. To me, being under the control of medical staff is more terrifying and painful than natural birth. If you can handle that part, then you are doing much better than me!

[Crybaby1898]

I mean the baby coming out of me

NO NO NO I NEED DRUGS I AM GOING TO HAVE DRUGS CUZ THAT PAIN sCREW THAT.. I SAW IT ON YOUTUBE BUT STILL IT WAS NASTY..

[2bluefish]

The baby coming out is the greatest high on earth. I would never want to be drugged for that. It was like the greatest orgasm ever. I cannot *wait* to do it again - I dream about it every night - and have the hardest time being patient and waiting for it to come!! I have felt pain in labor, but delivery was not pain - it was pure bliss. This is why Hypnobabies teaches that every pregnant woman avoid all birth videos. I remember thinking while I was delivering ds that if a woman who hadn't had kids was watching me, she would be scared at the way I was whooping and hollaring - it would be so deceptive, because it was so totally awesome - the faces and the whooping and hollaring - it was like sex - orgasmic, blissful - not pain.

As for the other thoughts, they are normal. There are days when I'm terrified of spending the next 15 years with dd (she's a challenge for me) - it is like a marriage you can't get out of when you have a kid. But there are other days when I can't imagine life without her. The feelings are normal, but if they get to be overwhelming then don't be afraid to get help. I had post traumatic stress after dd was born (not over the delivery!), so I know it is no fun to be consumed by anxiety.

[mittendrin]

I am also looking forward to the pain, in a sick kinda way I had backlabor with my first, THAT wasn't funny, but a quick productive labor like my last is cleansing in a way. And pushing that baby out is the best, really. It's freeing and once he/she's out you'll be on such a high, it's amazing and wonderful. No drugs for me, why would I wanna miss the most intense feeling in the world?

[naturalthinker]

I've had a lot of anxiety about this labor due to some previous birth trauma, but by confronting exactly what the fear was about and why i felt that way, and then over-dosing on 'it isn't that bad' material like the hypnobirthing books really helped change my mental state about going into labor drug-free again - and I was ready to sign up for a c-s a couple of months ago!

But, now i'm back to where i was the first two times around, where you let the body do it's thing and work with it rather than against it. the horror stories i hear of drugs going bad totally outweigh the few moments of 'discomfort' or pain in natural labor. When those few moments occur, all it can take is a few gentle, encouraging words to get you through, it is that 'easy'.

Anyway, because of the anxiety, i totally missed out on a lot of enthusiasm bout having this child - the first of the three that i've actually 'looked forward to' having.

I haven't had much of a maternal yearning for kids either (i can just barely tolerate other people's kids), but when they are my own, I just love them, no matter how tired or 'messed-up in the head' i am at any given time. I suspect you'll have no problems loving your child, even on the challenging days, and that 'motherhood' will develop naturally as time goes on.

Oh, one more comment, i've made it through the tough times (both during and after pregnancy) by making sure i got help and support, both professional (therapy) and social. If post baby (or even now) things seem overwhelming and concerning, don't wait to get help, and don't expect others to get it for you. Be strong - i have faith in you!

[Crybaby1898]

I want to cry but the nautual things

Your women are a lot stronger than i am... right now i will have drugs.. sorry.. nope the whole watching my sister do it cutting you all that good i dont' think so...
But thank i am going ot talk to my doc about when i see her. i always talk to my mother and sister when i can.. and stay focus on the good things.. thank you again i really apprecaite it.. you guys i wnat to cry and i have to pee so badly right now. gotta go gotta go right now

[2bluefish]

Cutting you?! Nooooo - make sure your doc knows you do not want to be cut. There is no good reason for that. I would NEVER allow that myself.

[Crybaby1898]

I dont' want to get cut but

I dont want to rip either.. so i rather get cut then get ripped is it true your boobs get all hard and painfull after you give birth ef you dont' breast feed and you bleed like the niagra falls.. after you give birth?:

[2bluefish]

I'd rather not be cut or rip - so I don't do either - LOL. Seriously, don't even let that be an option in your head! (And don't push on your back unless you feel like doing that - most women do not. I pushed the first time kneeling and the second time sitting up right in a hospital bed. First time I was a little stretched feeling the next day. Second time, I wasn't sore at all.) I've never bled that heavy myself. I wear a larger than normal pad for the first 8 hours or so, then regular maxis like a regular period. I've never not breastfed, so I can't say about that - engorgement has never been a big problem for me. I was pretty worn out after my first baby, cause I had some complications. But after my second, I truly felt much better the day after my baby was born than the day before (before I was in labor) - felt normal again! Everybody has their horror stories to tell, but really having babies does not have to be so bad. Stay positive - it really does help!

[Crybaby1898]

okay let me ask you something

are you telling me to youtell your body hey dont' ripp huh... i dont' need it..
IT the size of head coming out of the hole that ripps honey as far as i know thats not a choice we can make.. LIKE I SAID i will be cut if his head is to big i have no problem with that. I would rather be cut then rip my cousin ripp cuz her son head was way big the healing process is longer.. so cutting is an option for me and i will do it. and so is drugs i am glad you like the high of squezzing a big ass head out of you.. but to me that sounds like it would hurt a lot i will miss all those great highs and emotions for the drug to go to my back and numb me and yes i have heard there dangers and yes i am still taking them..

[Crybaby1898]

ohh yes

i will be postive about having him.. its a little hard with everything that is going on.

[Crybaby1898]

Thanks again

darling for you opinion i will appreciate it