Originally Posted by transformed
I mean no disrespect, I mean that what percentage are you actually raising your kids if you are at work? I am not saying you arent a good parent, and I am sure its going to come across badly....but its not what I mean.
I take raising the kids to be more than evenings and weekends. (Unfortunatly for me, its 24-7! LOL) So I guess the answer is to hire an expert?
When you are working FT, you are not parenting FT, you are working. KWIM? Thats where the question comes in. The percentage of time you actually spend raising your child, and parenting, is signifigantly
less than someone who stays home. (And you are probably way more sane than me too.
I kind of wish I worked outside the home. SAHM is neverending. But I commited to it and so I am sticking with it through the good and the bad.
It is NOT better. In fact, it is often maddening. I do not judge those who work, but they do spend less time parenting. Its a fact.
Well I answered the question about timing below. I spend 3-4 hrs less a day raising my kids than you do - of course, I only have one child, and you're about to have three so... does that work out to only 1 hr less a day, if we assume your time is split?
What about if my child sleeps 9 hrs a night and yours sleeps 12 (due to their different needs)? Does that mean I spend more time parenting my child than you do?
Also, suppose my child is an extrovert (he is) and yours is an introvert. Let's say they're both 10 and mine spends more hours a day outside my house playing at his friends' house and yours stays home. Does that mean you spend more time parenting?
Or am I still my child's parent when he's at a friend's house?
You see what I mean here I hope... I am not in the camp that says "oh 20 min a day is fine." That's why my husband and I swung our hours.
But it is NOT about who
is raising the kids. I am my son's mother 24/7 just like you are whether you're spaced out from sleep deprivation or bored out of your mind or busy making cookies. Yes, we are making different choices in how our children are raised, but we're both doing the job.
That's my problem with these blanket statements. Well one of them anyway.
For a more philosophical look at it -
I know for me I am a more present parent when I am engaged in the work that I love to do. I realize that for my son, it's debatable whether he notices or whether he just wants mummy there to kiss his boo-boo when he falls.
But in my choices around "raising" - which for me doesn't just mean being physically there, but mentally present, and modelling the "change I want to be" in the world, those issues DO count. "Raising" is a bigger word than "providing care on the spot."