surname for my son...

[chrysalis]

ok. tom (fiance) is probably going to throw a hissy 'macho' fit if i do not name sheamas w/ his last name. but part of me feels our relationship kinda sucks and i really don't feel up to naming sheamas' surname with tom's as 1, we are not married and 2, why SHOULD it be the man's name after my son's who i am carrying and growing and loving...i finally just got tom to make a MW payment...anyway, how the heck am i going to explain if he (tom) 'catches' me filling out the form(s) w/ MY surname instead of his after birth? i thought i could use both but i want MY surname last. my dd has my name too. why should i have one child w/ mine and one w/ his? i just don't feel right about it. tom and i still really need counseling...but i always get the excuse of 'we can't afford that right now...'. anyway...

[GinaRae]

It's your decision and you've made your choice. Live with it and be strong.

It's MUCH esier later to change the name to Tom's if things straighten out than it would be to change the name to yours (you would need his consent and go through paperwork/courts).

So I would name him with your surname and be okay with it.

[chrysalis]

i agree. picking just one surname has always been an issue for us mamas in situations like this...so as long as i am not married to this man my son/our son will have his mothers name...its nicer anyway. lol i'm such a feminist in certain aspects, i can't help it.

[philomom]

My kids have a hyphenated name. I'm sure it won't last.... but in the here and now, I get some "credit" for being their parent.

[sorteep]

I use my maiden name as my legal name.. we used it as MN (no hyphen) for Evan with DH as last name.. but we are married and not on shaky ground.. this LO will have DH's last name and *may* have my surname as MN or second MN.. we are on the fence

In your situation can you add Toms durname as a second MN ??no hyphen or the only MN?? that might work.. either that or just put the name down you want and don't worry about it.. don't engage in teh battle... I know in the hospital we had Evan they use mom's last name no matter what as in Baby boy BAiley (no matter that we said LN was dh's.. his relatives were really ticked when they kept calling for info and being told no pt by that name sorry! (many did not even know my LN!) anyway, good luck, glad to have you back

[zinemama]

One of my sons has his father's last name. One of them has my last name. But I'm married to a man whose name connotes only wonderful things, and I'm glad it's being passed along to one of our children.

In your situation, and for all the reasons you mentioned, I think your baby should have your last name. Good men, "real men," do not throw "macho hissy fits" in these situations, nor do they feel threatened. Go with your instincts.

[mittendrin]

Considering the problems with your fiance you've posted about I would think twice too about giving your son his name. As someone said it is easier to change it into his name later. Throwing a hissy fit isn't an option, YOU carry the baby, YOU deliver.

[Isaac'sMa]

Originally Posted by GinaRae

It's your decision and you've made your choice. Live with it and be strong.

It's MUCH esier later to change the name to Tom's if things straighten out than it would be to change the name to yours (you would need his consent and go through paperwork/courts).

So I would name him with your surname and be okay with it.

: based on what you've posted before about being on rocky ground with Tom, I would make his surname the baby's MN at most. Take no chances that you will have to battle him later over Sheamas' last name.

[StacieM]

I agree with the others AND with what you are already thinking....Give the baby your name.

It's easy for me to say, but if I were unmarried (which I'm not so maybe it's easy for me to say, but would be different if I was actually in the situation KWIM?) I would give baby MY name.

At the VERY least it would be hyphenated.

Guys - they want their baby to have their name, but not the mother of their baby? I think that's so rude...and even if he says, oh, but I want to marry her...well he hasn't done it yet and sometimes it's because of relationship issues and he isn't treating her well enough for her to marry him and have his name KWIM? So unless all that is in order, why should baby have just his name?

[veganjoy]

From a long-term perspective: My DH's mother and father weren't married, but she gave DH the father's name anyway. The father left a few years later, and DH always felt odd having a name without connection to his mom/siblings. He eventually changed his surname, and both of us couldn't be happier with our "real" last name.

Use your name and be confident in doing so. You can always add Tom's later, if it feels right.

[chrysalis]

[*GreenMama*]

I agree with going with your instinct! Unless your last name rhymes with Sheamas...

[Googy]

I wholeheartedly agree--if you're not married, then the baby should have YOUR name.

[tiffanymm]

From personal experience I am very glad to have my mother's last name. My father was never really in my life. Having a different last name then my mom would have been more of a reminder.

[De-lovely]

I guess I will be the odd woman out and say I think you should give the baby Toms last name or hyphenated version of both....I think anticipating that he isnt going to be good father (because of your past)and thus undeserving of the baby having his surname is indicative of way larger problems than deciding the name. I dont think being married has anything to do with it really either. I have to say too-that I dont at all agree with the "my baby" mentality....Its just as much his child as it is yours.Not at being snarky but very sincere. Good luck with whatever you decide.