So uncomfortable I want to cry - Page 2

[Kontessa]

Oh hun, sometimes I worry we are too much alike and thus I worry for you even more!

I used to love being pregnant. Heck, I was a surrogate mother twice as I found it fairly easy. This pregnancy has kicked my butt. I have no energy and I can not fit all the protien I should in and I honestly need to focus more on myself and build up strength the next handfull of weeks. But I get so miserable. Some days are ok and others are just so horrible and painful. I find myself hurting so much that I have tears I can not fight from the hurt, and laughing because I have got to be such a big baby! LOL

I guess though I have gotten to the point that I almost expect it all to such and hurt and be miserable and that I just need to be stronger to work through it. I can not control if it sucks but it is up to me to try and be stronger. I need control! Sooooo I am working on it.

I say all this because I can not think that if I can do it, so can you hun!

So, pride aside, lots of us waiting to see what a Dr says! No matter what, you have to be stronger then it all, just have to be!

Loves,
Kimmy

[gcgirl]

Gina, I'm glad you're going to seek additional medical advice. You could be suffering from something easily treatable that's not even pregnancy-related, or it could be nothing...but it's worth it to find out. We just want you to be okay!

[dcgrl]

Gina,
I was thinking about you last and your symptoms/situation and it occurred to me that it's possible you're consuming too much protein. You've mentioned increasing your protein intake to try to keep your bp down/prevent pre-e. But too much can stress your liver and kidneys, especially if you have underlying conditions of those organs.
I hope you were able to check in with an MD to get advice/opinion...

[scheelimama]

Gina, , I hope everything is okay. I agree that it doesn't sound normal and you should get checked out. I'm sorry you are so miserable.

[Isaac'sMa]

I just got here so no advice, just (((HUGS))). I hope you get this resolved SOON and start to feel better!

[GinaRae]

I felt great last Frid(?), Sat, Sun and Mon. Then TERIBLE Tue., Wed., Thur., and now better again Friday and Saturday. I am sick of it, to be honest!

Anywhoo, I heard back from the MW and she is glad I want to consult. She gave me someone's name at one of the hospitals we were looking at, but the one that works in conjunction with a NICU that's quite a ways away, so we'd dropped it from our list.

She also mentioned going to the big hospital in San Francisco! If I were to go into labor during certain times of the day, I could be in traffic for three hours. If it were 3am, maybe 45 minutes. How do you just take that chance?

The docs around here are primarily male. Yuck. It's bad enough I have to go to a doc, I prefer female.

She mentioned the "birth climate" here is pretty negative right now and since I am considered a VBAC (again, ONE c/s 12 years ago, with two successful vaginals since!) I may have a hard time finding anyone willing to do a VBAC.

I am surprised to hear this! I guess like a butthead, I just assume California is progressive.

So I have some footwork to do to find a progressive female doc I guess.

I am still feeling really hopeless and worthless and upset about the whole thing. So I have to give up my HB, okay I will live. But now I face a potentially bad birth climate, I think I have definitely lost my water labor and birth which is really heart wrenching for me, and I betcha I am in for a fight for the next 8 weeks or so, plus the fight during labor and delivery.

I don't have anything positive to say and just cannot bring myself to say "we'll see." I am just convinced this is going to be a nightmare, until something tells me otherwise.

[Kontessa]

I am so confused! Why does getting a consult to see if there is actually a good reason to worry mean giving up a homebirth? I thought you where going to see a DR to find out whats going on?

[scheelimama]

I'm with Kimmy, doesn't make sense to me. You should be able to get a consult seperate of risking out of the midwives.

[GinaRae]

I am the one who is the most confused here!

I just got a PM from someone who recommended MW-C as someone who is super experienced and compassionate and would never dump me. Yet I am going through this.

I have not heard the same things from MW-C's mouth as I hear from MW-P, so I am not sure if she agrees or not. But that is because MW-C is almost never at the appointments and MW-P doesn't say much when MW-C is there.

I don't feel like I should call her and squeal though - I mean, I assume they're in this together. Maybe I am wrong.

But I have a feeling since MW-C is so far away, if I am in labor and another woman goes into labor, I will end up with the least experienced MW-P who wants to boot me anyway.

Guess I need to bite the bullet and at least find out if MW-C shares the same feelings. It could be something that MW-P is "pulling."

Anywhoo, I am confused and that's probably why my posts come out so confusing.


** MW-P measures me off almost every visit and generally gets flustered.

-- One time I am told it's nothing, the next it's because I am not eating enough protein, the next it's because the baby must be laying differently, the next it's... you get my drift.


** I was told my weight didn't matter.

-- Two Fridays ago I was told it does as a liability issue.


** I was told my protein and bilirubin urine results didn't matter as long as I am not getting pre-e or anything else.

-- Two Fridays ago I was told they do matter as a liability issue.


** I was told my c/s 12 years ago meant nothing since I've had two VBACs since and they just helped a woman with 2 or 3 c/s have a VBAC.

-- Two Friday's ago I was told my VBAC status DOES matter.


** Two Fridays ago (and other weeks prior) I was told my blood pressure didn't matter because it was normal for me and wasn't a sudden spike. Mind you this past time she had just told me they might drop me and THEN took my BP, so the bottom number was 84 or 86. Still normal for me.

-- As of this past Saturday, I am told a slight increase DOES matter.


** I was told I just needed an OB consult to put in the records.

-- Now she seems to be saying it with more finality.


So I am confused and I am so worn down I don't want to deal with it all, you know? This is not what I pictured when I hired midwives.

But I heard from this MDC mama again who knows MW-C and she says definitely call her since her and MW-P don't always agree on everything. It could all be that simple I guess. One may think I am a liability but the other doesn't. I'll keep ya'll posted.

[scheelimama]

I'm sorry Gina. That really sucks. I think you should call MW-C and get her opinion and if they both feel that way...then it sounds like you might be better off finding a supportive OB who will allow you to VBAC (again.)

[Kontessa]

I have some of those issues as well. I was so dang upset after talking to my MW-M and was wanting to give up. I finally got ahold of MW-K and though she always seems busy and hard to get ahold of actually talking to her made it all better. She is on my side, will go out of her way to be the one at my birth, and is excited that I picked her for this special time and my special situation.

Still I felt I needed to hear just what she had to say and so happy I got to finally talk to her. I do know though I do not want MW-M at my birth! There is another midwife there that I am not so comfy with, but not too worried about it.

Anyway, (((((HUGS))))) Please do get ahold of MW-C and keeping calling till you do. Sounds like she should be more clear if nothing else!

Blessings,
Kimmy

[GinaRae]

Here's this morning's update:

I am going to wait on calling an OB until I get a clear answer from MW-C. I am going to call her sometime this week to see what she says.

If she feels the same as MW-P (that I might be a liability) I am going to leave their practice and just get an OB.

If MW-C does not agree, I need to find out if it's possible to just have her do my prenatals and birth (since she has her own practice 40 minutes away and is just partnering with MW-P for this area).

If it's not possible, I will be leaving their practice because I've realized this weekend, I don't want to be around MW-P any longer than I have to and I don't need her liability words echoing in my head during my birth.

Though you cannot un-ring a bell and those words have already stung and will stick with me, I want her gone.

I still have some concerns about MW-C, but mostly it's personality. I still believe her experience and recommendations are worth my sticking around so I can have my home/water birth.

So we'll see what she says!


Oh! I see you're also going through this (Kontessa) and deciding to boot one MW but keep the other. I hope it works for me!