"But Tommy Likes School!" - Page 2

[kathymuggle]

I think it depends on the age of the child.....

For a young child, say under 8, I believe the parents have the responsability to say : "I know you like school. I think you will like HS too. We are going to try it (and list reasons for that decision if so desired)"

For an older child, I think the children wishes should come into play in decisions about schooling. I think it is very empowering for children to be able to choose whether they go to school. I also worry about resentment issues should you pull a child out of school who wants to be there.

I do, however, find it very ironic that HS'ers are often urged to go to school because "they might like it" - yet there would be hell to pay if I suggested to a schooled child that they should HS - as "they might like it."

I am tired of peole seeing school as the default. Many children (unfortunately) dislike school but whether they "like it" or not, does not enter into it. There is a double standard with regards to school and HS and the issue of "liking it".

kathy

kathy

[Papooses]

Originally Posted by Papooses

Hopefully kids of married couples also like both parents . . .

Just wanted to say that my choice of words here is based only on the fact that I'm a single mom whose daughter doesn't even remember her biofather (his choice)

[harmat]

I used to say 'I'd love to homeschool, but dd wants to go to school'. So what? Well, it's her life, and if she wants to make different choices from me, I want to support her in that. One of my main reasons to h/s is freedom in education. It's not freedom if you don't have a choice.

I am homeschooling her, btw. Once I stopped trying to talk her round, she actually wanted to do it. I know she would probably be happy in school. I know she is happy not being in school. She likes everything

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by harmat

I used to say 'I'd love to homeschool, but dd wants to go to school'. So what? Well, it's her life, and if she wants to make different choices from me, I want to support her in that. One of my main reasons to h/s is freedom in education. It's not freedom if you don't have a choice.

Well said.

- Lillian

[Arduinna]

Maybe not but at 5 a kid doesn't have the ability to look at all the pros and cons of school. All they know is that school is the default. that all the other kids are doing it, that tv, advertising, movies ect all expect kids to go to a building for school. Five year olds have no comprehension of the negative social consequences, the true squelching of freedom and the conformity of being in a school setting.

I don't let her decide if she needs dental or medical care at 5 either.

[Linda on the move]

Blanket statements about the horrors of school seem silly to me since I've listen to people make them and then enroll their kids the next year. I've been in homeschooling circles for so long that most of the people we knew starting out have put their kids in school. The people we know now who homeschool used to have their kids in school. The more people I meet and hear their stories, the easier it is to not make any judgments about what someone else should be doing in their life.

My kids have never been to school, but from watching other people's kids it seems to me that school is a very different experience for different kids. For some, it is quite positive, for others, very negative. I do think that how happy a child is indicates how well their life is working out for them.

If my kids are happy and thriving, I take it to mean that we are doing what works for them. So I feel that other parents' kids are happy and thriving, then what they are doing must be working for them (even if it is very different from what we are doing).

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

...but from watching other people's kids it seems to me that school is a very different experience for different kids. For some, it is quite positive, for others, very negative. I do think that how happy a child is indicates how well their life is working out for them.

If my kids are happy and thriving, I take it to mean that we are doing what works for them. So I feel that other parents' kids are happy and thriving, then what they are doing must be working for them (even if it is very different from what we are doing).

This has been my experience too. I just wrote that in a post in another thread. Actually, I originally rambled on and on about the various friends of my son's who had gone to school, and then realized it didn't call for so much detail. But suffice it to say there were various unique and individual needs of theirs that got met in school in ways that couldn't have happened for them if they had homeschooled.

And I also remember when my child was in Waldorf kindergarten that there was an aversion to "public schools" among the parents - and yet some who went on and had to enroll their children in public schools actually ended up finding that it was a better and happier fit for their particular children. You just never know... - Lillian

[rumi]

The more people I meet and hear their stories, the easier it is to not make any judgments about what someone else should be doing in their life.

Very true.
I am careful not to diss school in general and to make it clear that I don't judge school goers, am happy to hear about what they are doing, etc.

In fact as a kid I liked school and remember waiting for vacation to end so I could get back there (till I was 10 or so).

But I think for me this indicates the problem, I was so tied to grades and such - and nearly always got As. I've had to work very hard on self-esteem and basic honesty - figuring out what i think and not what i think others will accept or like.

[emmsmama]

As some may remember from my recent posts throughout the summer and at the beginning of Sept., one of my biggest hangups about hs'ing dd (8) was that she was happy in school and liked it. We discussed hs'ing in the summer but ultimately she wanted to go to school and coupling that with the fact that dh wasn't supportive of hs'ing as well as my own insecurities about hs'ing her, I decided to send her to school.

Two weeks into school she decided she wanted to come home with ds (4.5)for homeschooling. She's been home two weeks and is doing well and liking being home. I think the situation could have been very different if I would have forced her to hs when she wanted to go to school. Because dd wanted to hs when I pulled her it has been much easier to win dh over to at least being tolerant of hs'ing. He was tolerant of it previously until dd started crying to go to school and then was not supportive of it at all. He's still not crazy over me hs'ing but he sees that dd is doing well and liking it so he's not harassing me about it

With a really little one in the primary grades (including maybe dd's age) I could see a parent putting their foot down to some extent. However I know someone who brought her dd home and her dd didn't want to be home and her ex didn't want the child home so the ex and the daughter fought her on everything at home until finally she realized it wasn't working because she was the only one with her heart in it and she put her dd back into ps.

One thing I will definitely do differently next year though if we continue to hs is to make sure I book off the first day of public school from my daycare kids so that I can take a nice field trip with the kids to the beach or an amusement park or science museum or something fun. In fact I think I might even book off the weekend and the first few days of the week and take off to a waterpark hotel so the kids are away from all the back-to-school hubub going on. It's a good excuse for dh to take a few days off of work as well which I know he won't complain about

[Papooses]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

school is a very different experience for different kids. For some, it is quite positive, for others, very negative. I do think that how happy a child is indicates how well their life is working out for them.

More than just the school itself, I believe child-teacher fit is crucial: kiddo could love school in general, but if the teacher's personality or methods are incompatible with a child, then school would become less enjoyable for that child....

The only blanket statement I personally feel is true = no child should ever be paddled in school (parents shouldn't have to sign a form disallowing the school from paddling their kids & those kids whose parents have done so shouldn't have to worry that their friends are at risk of such battery).

Short of that, I'm not against school (although I prefer multi-age social interaction!) I just know that right now my child isn't ready for Kindergarten. Since the school won't let her repeat another year of PreK & we can't afford Montessori or Waldorf, homeschooling is the right thing for us right now. We like it; we'd like to continue homeschooling beyond Kindergarten. But, I'm keeping myself open minded enough so that if something in life comes up where I do need kiddo to be in school (such as the loss of child care during my college courses, etc.) then we'll be able to enjoy that decision as well.

Either way, parents are responsible for being their kids' advocate in every way. Whether or not a child is taught in school, the parent should still play a strong central role in kiddo's education.

[eilonwy]

I'm biased against school in general. I'm TOTALLY AGAINST sending my son to school right now. Whether or not "he likes it" wouldn't enter into the equation (I'm sure that he'd like some things and dislike others)-- it's just the wrong place for him to be, and honestly I think that he's too inexperienced to make an informed decision about it. Would I let him choose not to go to the dentist? If I didn't think that he could make an informed decision, absolutely not.

The more he learns about school, the less Bean wants to go... but he gets most of his school knowledge from his cousins, and the eldest especially is desperate to be homeschooled.