Dd broke my necklace--a GD question! - Page 2

[A&A]

She's 5. She cried about it. She feels sad. That's enough punishment, IMHO.

[UUMom]

Accident. She's sorry. The absolute end.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by mummy marja

Aww, thank you both!

I have decided to bring the chain somewhere to see if it's possible to fix it, and I'll bring her along--not as punishment, just to have her involved. I'll talk to her, gently, about everything that we BOTH learned from this. I will ask if she'd like to help pay for it but won't force it. It's so wonderful that it doesn't have to be a bad experience, that we can both learn and grow and have fun doing it.

I wouldn't ask her for anything. It was an accident. If she wants to offer, ok, but I'd not do any guilt about it. Accidents do not require 'discipline'.

[heartmama]

I agree with all the wonderful advice so far!

Rambling thoughts...

The thread did get me thinking--if I borrowed a necklace (as in asked for it, and wore it out to dinner) and broke it, I would replace it. However, if a friend brought out a lovely necklace during my visit, and let me admire it, and the necklace broke while I was trying it on, I would be sad and sorry. But I honestly think I'd be mortified if they expected repayment. I'm saying this just to point out that even among adults, there is a delicate balance where possessions are concerned. I was raised with an understanding that a host has obligations to a guest. If during the course of a visit, normal behavior leads to an accident like that, it would be the living end of bad manners to expect the guest to pay. Any offer of repayment should be refused. Possibly, it would be rude as a guest to offer more than regret and sympathy in that situation.

Of course, your daughter isn't a guest. But my initial thought when I read your OP was the rule I have for ds when company visits "Before they arrive, please put away anything that is too fragile or upsetting for you to share". I wouldn't give a small child fragile items unless I accepted on some level that there could be an accident. I don't invite people over unless I can be responsible for accidents resulting from normal behavior. It just goes with the territory.

Interesting thread...it really got me thinking!

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by heartmama

I agree with all the wonderful advice so far!

Rambling thoughts...

The thread did get me thinking--if I borrowed a necklace (as in asked for it, and wore it out to dinner) and broke it, I would replace it. However, if a friend brought out a lovely necklace during my visit, and let me admire it, and the necklace broke while I was trying it on, I would be sad and sorry. But I honestly think I'd be mortified if they expected repayment. I'm saying this just to point out that even among adults, there is a delicate balance where possessions are concerned. I was raised with an understanding that a host has obligations to a guest. If during the course of a visit, normal behavior leads to an accident like that, it would be the living end of bad manners to expect the guest to pay. Any offer of repayment should be refused. Possibly, it would be rude as a guest to offer more than regret and sympathy in that situation.

Of course, your daughter isn't a guest. But my initial thought when I read your OP was the rule I have for ds when company visits "Before they arrive, please put away anything that is too fragile or upsetting for you to share". I wouldn't give a small child fragile items unless I accepted on some level that there could be an accident. I don't invite people over unless I can be responsible for accidents resulting from normal behavior. It just goes with the territory.

Interesting thread...it really got me thinking!

I think your post is excellent. I was thinking about how I would feel if a friend asked me to pay for a chain that was old, and then broke as I was admiring a piece of jewlery. I might feel that they were waiting to foist the bill on me. I'd offer to help replace it, but I would think any person of character would refuse such payment. I know I would. 'This chain is so old, I am surprised I haven't broken it myself by now! Please, it was an accident! Now, not another word about it".