How did you know you were ready for a vasectomy?

[ParisApril]

Lately I have been thinking this might be a good idea. We have two kids. A girl 8yrs and a boy 2yrs. My husband has said he would like one. I haven't been sure up until now. It seems to be making more sense to me these days.

Reasons to not have another:
*My daughter is blind so she needs help to get around in public places. So having two kids and two hands works well right now.
*When we travel as a family in public. Hubby takes one and I take one and it works great.
*Our house isn't that big and we are never moving because we like the location so much.
*We are almost out of the baby stage.
*I really like the age gap between the kids. It really gives me one on one time with each child when they are little. If we had another I would like the next one when my ds is 5. But my husband doesn't want to be an older dad. BTW he would only be 34yrs. Not that old IMO. But I was looking forward to getting to work part time (It is really important to me to be here when they leave and come home from school) when ds is in school so I can contribute financially to the household.
*I feel good about the amount of attention I am able to give my kids and husband and dog right now. Another baby might take away from them.
*We already have one of each so we don't need to "try" for one of either sex.
*I worry about our impact on the earth. With two we are just replacing ourselves but if we had more that would be a greater strain on the planet.

Reasons to have another:
*I want one!

How did you know you were done? Or how do you know you aren't ready to take such a permanent step?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts,
April

[imahappymama]

You know that you are ready for a vasectomy when you and your partner are intimate and first thought that pops into your head is "God, I hope I don't get pregnant!"
I am happy with two, we can afford to care for two well and give them as much attention and love as they need/want. Do I have the baby twinges? Yes, of course. Do I really want to have another baby? No.

[ThreeBeans]

We are having a similar discussion at our house. In two years and nine months we have managed to have three babies. No multiples. :

I always thought I wanted four children, but I'll admit with a two year old, a one year old and a one month old in the house right now, I am at my parenting max.

If you still want another baby, I think it's too soon to consider a vasectomy.

I am going to have an IUD placed. That will give me 10 years to think about it

[MamaRabbit]

:

I mentioned to DS and he freaked on me! I'm not sure we're done but probably. I said that if we wanted more it would be after the twins have potty trained. If they're 6 or 7 and we've had no more that's too big of a gap, and we'd be done and do the vasectomy. I just hate the thought of years more birth control in the meantime. I'm only 28, I dread the thought of FAM and condoms for the next 15 + years : Yeah, 4 kids in under 4 years makes me think that way!

[dentmom3]

DH asked for a vasectomy for Christmas last year! :


And I cried and said no. At the time the kids were 4, 2 and 4 months old. I knew in my head that we were at our parenting max, both in time, funds and sanity, but my heart couldn't do it.

A few months later I told him to make the call and he had it done. I don't regret it at all. When we are at the dinner table, everyone is there. I just feel like we are a complete family now. And my BF is expecting her fourth child in December and all I can think is, 'you have a good time with that!' I worry a little that I will feel a pang when she has the baby, since we have alternated years with newborns since 2001 (she has kids bornin 01, 03, 05 and soon to be 07 - I had the even years) I will just have to go to her house and hold the baby while she takes care of the other kids!

I just have a feeling that we are done. I don't know what made it happen, but it was a definite switch in my emotions that made me ready for DH to take this step.

[woobysma]

:

DF and I are talking about this, too. We have 3 all together, but sometimes I'd really like to have another (would be our only bio child together). We both get wistful around babies, sometimes.... then DSS comes to visit for a week and we get a taste of what 3 in the house all the time would be like and it's a little scary

I also have an IUD right now, which I HATE - I want it out soon, so either we get preggers or we get the big V.

[mama kate]

We are getting close to the the big V. I am terrified of getting pg again. DH has always wanted just 1. We are finally out of diapers. I honestly can't imagine having another one. So probably in the spring..........

[UptownZoo]

We knew when we were TTC and I was relieved when AF arrived every month!

Truly, there will never be a time when "baby hunger" goes away for most of us. Babies are wonderful and juicy and they smell sooo good. I'm 100% confident that we made the right decision, and it still gives me a little hurt inside when I think about nursing a little baby. Then I hurry up and think how hard it is to keep a toddler from emptying the kitchen cupboards and eating all my books...

I had doubts all the way to the end, up to the drive to the doctor's office for the procedure. When it was over, though, I felt incredibly relieved. I feel sad sometimes, but I've never regretted it. DP certainly hasn't. But I guess my point is, I think there are some doubts for most parents and that's normal. I'm just grateful my sister hasn't even started having her children yet. Hopefully she'll keep me in babies for the next 6-8 years.

[mothragirl]

it think there is a point when you just feel done, whether it is zero kids or 15. 2 feels perfect for our family.

[Jenelle]

Wow, it is such an individual decision with so many factors...

For us, I was pretty stressed with two... and we were definitely discussing vasectomy when I then found out we had (surprise!) #3 on the way.

So my dh had the vasectomy when I was pregnant with #3. His doctor asked, "well what if something happened and you lost this baby?" (pointing at my big belly)... Nope, we're done. This is it. We're done.

I had no desire to be pregnant again. Period.

Love my 3 boys, family feels completely complete. No regrets.

[mamocak]

dh had one done after our 4th baby. Baby 4 was an emerg. c-section and almost died during and after birth. It was very tramatic for me so I didn't want to go through that again!

Dh was done having kids. We have 3 girls and a boy and I like the even number, so we decided dh would get "fixed"!!

I still have urges to have another baby, but I really want to just dedicate my time to the 4 I have.

[nichole]

I feel very strongly that I don't want more children. I am AT MY MAX!! But I'm only 26 and can be very preemptive at times...what if I change my mind? I really doubt it. If dh wants to adobt a night weaned, potty trained child and stay home with it while I go back to work, he has my permission Interesting thread.

[bright-midnight]

dh is getting one after we have a second child. neither of us has the desire to have more than two and it's something we decided on years ago before we had our first.

[woobysma]

Originally Posted by nichole

If dh wants to adobt a night weaned, potty trained child and stay home with it while I go back to work, he has my permission

That's actually one reason why I think we're done. DP says he'd love to adopt a child the same age as DS2, but he doesn't want to "start over" with a baby. He's really looking forward to the time when it's just the two of us, which is something we've never had (both had kids when we met).

[CheapPearls]

We just felt "right" with our 2 kids. (notice I'm pregnant again just wait and I'll explain. ) I had ds#2 when Dh was deployed and when he was a month old I was like "THAT'S IT! I'm so done!" We talked about it for a year, bouncing back and forth between me getting an IUD and waiting to see if we changed our minds in a few years or just feeling right with our decision for DH to get snipped and do it. Looking at our plans for our life, including careers, moving, etc. 2 kids fit perfect and we weren't sure how a 3rd would effect things.

Dh got his V a couple weeks before ds#2 turned 1. I got pregnant the next month. User error on our part. I got off BC because hormones REALLY don't like me and I'm truly a nut case on BC and the ONE time we didn't use any protection before dh went back and got his sperm count tested, we get pregnant. I still say his sperm teleported.

BUT we are both excited about this baby and I don't believe in accidents.

...I'm getting my tubes tied during my csection, being double safe wont hurt. : Seeing as we are young and apparently SUPER fertile.

(It's early and I'm rambling...)

[ThreeBeans]

Cheappearls

[zinemama]

The link in my sig tells all...

[onlyzombiecat]

When dd was a year old we started talking about if we would have more kids. We came up with a pro and con list and it was pretty obvious to both of us that one child was best for us physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. We were also both comfortable with the idea of adoption or foster care if we felt we had more to give in future.

Dh had a vasectomy consultation when dd was 2 and had the procedure when dd was 3. We were really sure by then. Dd is 7 now and we still feel we made the right choice. I've discovered that I have no desire to go through the baby stage again. I really enjoy the give and take relationship with an older more independent child much more than the demands of a baby or toddler.

Some things I would reflect on with my dh-
Vasectomy should be viewed as permanent. You might want to wait a year or two to see if something changes in your situation or how you both feel. Also think about options like banking sperm (before the V), adoption, or foster care and how you and your dp feel about those things just in case.

I would think about what you like about your kids getting older and what you like about having a baby in the house. How would adding a family member improve your family's life?

If you found out you were pregnant today what would your immediate reaction be?

Do you really want another baby with all that entails or are you just feeling a bit sad that your youngest is no longer a tiny baby?

[onlyzombiecat]

Originally Posted by zinemama

The link in my sig tells all...

That's a really good read.

[Mary]

I don't really know. My husband always wanted a third and he is just beginning to accept that it might not be in the cards for us. He is chronically ill- we don't know when/if he will be able to hold down a full time job. I am thinking about what I can do for us and I will need to go back to school to do it. If I go back to school we will have to pay for it and I will be gauranteeing that I will have to work (whether he works or not). I don't have any urge to work full time and have a baby in daycare. My oldest is in school full time and my youngest is getting to that point, so by the time I'm working, they wouldn't need daycare. I'm 32 years old- not old by any stretch, but the clock is ticking away.

Anyhow, I think we are done, but darn it if I don't have a stash of cloth diapers and little things that I am just not willing to part with just yet. I really did love being the mom of babies/toddlers even though it was exhausting. We will see, but we are definitely not ready to get the snip.