When other lo's pick on your lo....

[ILoveMyBabyBird]

So a few days ago ds and I were at the mall at the play area and ds goes up to a little girl and waves at her. The little girl about 3 tells ds "no" and kind of brushes his hand away. Ds just stands there and looks at her like what was that for and then she tries to push him. I got annoyed because the mom/sitter was right there and said nothing. So I just said in a nice voice,"be nice, don't hit him he is just saying "hi". The mom/sitter didn't seem to care, but I was a little po'ed. Ds is not around other kids much so his aggressiveness is minimal, but i don't want him picking up these habits from the kids he encounters out and about. So was it wrong for me to tell the little girl to be nice?

Later another boy, probably about 4 kept grabbing ds's shirt and nearly knocked him over twice. That time after the second time, the dad told the boy to stop. Mind you ds is still a toddler almost 15 months and well, he walks but is not perfect on his feet and easy to knock down. What do y'all think?

[kikidee]

Hmm. I think that is all just normal toddler behavior. They like to test the boundaries and do some shoving and yelling, and all that "fun" stuff.

That said, when DD is in a situation like that where someone is being (IMO) a bully (above and beyond the "normal" to me -- malicious shoving or being really nasty to DD), I remove her from it. I take her to another part of the play area.

I did this at playgroup the other day, and it wasn't obvious what I was doing. There was one girl who was making all the kids cry, and just being mean in general. She probably was just having a bad day, but I didn't want DD to pick up any new tricks (ha!) and I didn't want her getting hurt/overwhelmed. So I picked her up, took her over and fed her some snacks, and then placed her somewhere else after we were done snuggling.

Sometimes after an "encounter" with an overly expressive (hee) child, DD does need that downtime -- just a little snuggle or reminder that she is safe and loved.

[theretohere]

I would not have said something to the other child. It sounds like reasonably normal toddler interactions.
It's hard to see someone treat your little one harshly.

[simplehome]

I probably would have said something, but would have used some different words. Asking the other child to "be nice" implies that their intent was to be mean, which I try not to assume of anyone. I would have said something more like "Please be gentle with the little guy!" with a smile, and then would have taken him somewhere else. She probably just didn't want him in her space, and even though his intentions were positive (waving and saying hi), kiddos of that age just don't know how to read signals well enough yet to know when to leave another toddler alone. The mom/sitter might have just been waiting to see if YOU were going to make your toddler leave the little girl alone, who knows? But then, I wasn't there and didn't see the "brush" she gave his hand.

[ann_of_loxley]

Something similar happened to my ds...but a bit extreme in a different direction....

Ds dressed up in a fairy costume at playgroup we go to on a thursday... running around having fun when a sister and brother started to pick on him. Calling him a girl, taunting about being gay etc...all of this coming from not even three year olds!...makes me wonder what goes on inside their home, what ideals their parents are giving them this young an age...makes me sick...I often dont want my son picking up things from other peoples children...

I too never know what to do about it - I treat them though just as I would treat my own son if he did something like that and then leave it at that. As its always GD...its never really anything another parent (though they are never around or paying attention ) would ever really mind about!

[simplehome]

Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley

Something similar happened to my ds...but a bit extreme in a different direction....

Ds dressed up in a fairy costume at playgroup we go to on a thursday... running around having fun when a sister and brother started to pick on him. Calling him a girl, taunting about being gay etc...all of this coming from not even three year olds!

[captain crunchy]

I usually say something, but more in the spirit of advocating for my daughter, rather than telling another child how to behave. I say things like "dd likes to be touched gently" or "dd does not like to be pushed, she likes to be treated gently" and that usually does the trick. If not, we remove ourselves from the situation -- usually by drifting away to another fun activity.

[ElliesMomma]

in my experience, the mall play areas are the worst for aggressive preschoolers picking on or being oblivious/running too close to baby toddlers.

when in the mall play areas, i watch my 17 mo like a hawk, and don't count on the 3 or 4 year olds to be nice. my baby and i make our own entertainment; in other words, i play with her myself. sometimes you do find a 3 or 4 year old who is very interested in babies. it's usually girls. other times we just do our own thing or look around for other 1 year olds to interact with.

i don't think you can win trying to educate someone else's kid on being nice to babies. i pretty much ignore the big kids if they are bullies or so in need of burning off steam that they are jumping around like crazy. i just keep my baby out of their way.

this is what has worked for me so far. oh, and now that school is in session, we are finding the regular outside playgrounds are a lot less populated during the day, if this is an option for you. they can be a lot more laid back and fun than the mall play areas.